The last day of 2010

Wooot! Another year is going to end! 2010, another year of learning and growth. Life is all about making mistakes and learning from them. So, make more mistakes in 2011! XD

China trip. I haven't had the time to update on what's happened there and everything which i thought of and learnt there. However, the most important thing which i've learnt is the importance of family. All the things there could be great, but without family, it's really not much fun. Thank God for the snow, at least i've seen it. (traded it by getting a mild frostbite :p) Snow was exactly like the blended ice you get when you order for ABC. Hahaha. It felt good too when you got hit by an ice ball! I got to meet many new friends, many teachers. It's um, 60% enjoyable. HAHA! I really hope that this would be the last time i went to China. I really don't like it there, Kuching is the best! :)

Coming back home. Well, catching up with meet ups most of the time. I'm also trying to play as much tennis as possible. My love! :D I spent my Christmas at the beach together with my family, went swimming to burn the fat i gained while i was in China (winter + food + NO exercise). Finally i got to play tennis with daddy! It was a very good training and i really enjoyed it! However, dad's foot was hurt while playing with me. =/

2010 wasn't really a very happy and good year. Of course, it's not that bad too cuz indeed i learnt a lot of things. I went through many painful lessons in life, but those are what made us grow and mature. However, 2011 will be a better year, i'm sure! I finished my 1.5 years of Foundation year, embarking on my first degree year next year. The timetable for next year is quite free, so it means i could search for a part time job! I wanna save as much money as possible.

I can't wait to dive into the hectic school life again. But for next year, it would be slightly different, cuz i might have jobs to go for after/before lectures and more TENNIS! Yay! It gives me the happy feeling when i know that all my tennis buddies are coming back! :)

Delirious.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Man, this is so so sooo fun! Again again!

Ginko Leaves

I fly elegantly in the air like the Ginko leaves.

A sad clown.

Day 4 [Singapore]

Weather: Perfect sunny!

I woke up late! :'(
and so i couldn't go swimming, or else my swimsuit wouldn't be able to dry up before i leave tonight. *sobs* Anyway, i shouldn't go swimming too as now my arms muscles are kinda painful. I think i swam too much yesterday. I was doing breast stroke until, i really didn't have the energy to pull my arms in the water. Luckily i didn't persist, i might get drown due to tiredness. :P

So, instead of wasting my time doing nothing (or continue sleeping), i started packing. Hopefully, no more re-packing in the last minute! Okay, there's still one thing i would want to do before i leave Singapore. But i'm really not too sure if i should. =/

* * *

A sad clown.
such an irony.
or is he an imposter who hides himself behind the thick happy make-up?
or is he a hypocrite who tells the world to be happy,
yet can't help being sad himself?

Lesson # 3: Stop pretending.

Oh, i came across with that three words, and they made me ponder, so i just wrote it out for sharing. :)

Random :P

My bed for now.

:D

Dive into the pool.

Just feel like... diving into the pool.
Oh, they said we could cry freely in the pool. :)

Twisted and hurt.

Seriously.
It's drifted way too much.
I should get back on the track,
or i would miss another chance
to find myself back again.

It came knocking at your door
unexpectedly - should i open it
and embrace it even though it spells impossibility?
Why did it come anyway?

Things are often presented in a stark difference.
When these two totally different worlds meet,
it either creates sparks or it creates
nothing.

I once thought that i was quite good
and i had nothing to worry about.
But the truth revealed itself -
I'm worried about almost everything.

The rational mind tells me no
but my emotional heart tells me yes.
Twisted and hurt,
which one should i go for?

Writer's thought:
Well, i guess part of it is inspired by the Malay song, 'Isabella', which sings of a sad love story of two different worlds. It has a very strong melancholy element in it.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Happy
50th
Birthday!

To: The Awesome Superb Loving BEST-EST Dad

Happy Birthday! Thank you for everything! Thank you for always being very understanding. Thank you for bringing love to us. Thank you, for your presence in my live! Thank you, for being such a wonderful dad for this family! :)

I'm truly a blessed child!
Thank God for you.
Wish you happy always. :)

Love, Agnes.

Birthday Dinner at Sanga

I chose to be different.

Happy birthday!

I went out with a bunch of friends just now to Sanga (a japanese restaurant). It's been a while since our last outing. We had a lot to catch up with each other's life. And, i realized i've changed. I'm not sure how i have changed, i'm not too sure if it's a good thing or the opposite.

EAT . PRAY . LOVE

Elizabeth Gilbert's EAT PRAY LOVE.

I am inspired and so i feel like writing something really special for myself. I'm not too sure how long i will live, but i believe in living life to the fullest. Yes i know life can be very depressing at times, but that's life. Ups and downs. Sometimes, i will feel that i'm very strong and i could fight on and on; sometimes i just feel so weak that i would rather concede defeat. However, i am very blessed that i know who to seek for when i am weak. I am blessed, I am truly blessed. :)

We EAT, we PRAY, and we LOVE.
We ENJOY, we PLAY, and that's LIFE.

:)

Who's the Mr Right?

Your dating personality profile: Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you. Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love. Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are.

Your Top Ten Traits 1. Religious 2. Big-Hearted 3. Conservative 4. Stylish 5. Traditional 6. Wealthy/Ambitious 7. Romantic 8. Adventurous 9. Athletic 10. Practical

Your date match profile: Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life. Traditional - You need someone who is a bit old-fashioned. A person with traditional values and beliefs will perfectly compliment your lifestyle. Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw him out of his shell and get to know what he is all about.

Your Top Ten Match Traits 1. Religious 2. Traditional 3. Shy 4. Practical 5. Wealthy/Ambitious 6. Big-Hearted 7. Stylish 8. Romantic 9. Adventurous 10. Athletic

Take the Dating Profile Quiz at Would I Date You

At times.

I feel like playing a song with my violin to the sea.

;(

I'm just so sick of you.

You could say those things and treat as if nothing has happened.

:)

It's been quite some time, hasn't it? :)
And we've changed a lot, haven't we?
And things are changing day by day, aren't they?

Hey guys, finally got the mood to blog. (No, actually i don't have the time to blog, but despite this, i feel like i need to blog. It's a way to keep things going on, it's simply a way to... record down what i've gone through.) So...September has ended.

I went for a vacation (yes, i think i can call it a vacation.) during the September two weeks break. I visited KL, Singapore and Pulau Langkawi. GOSH I LOVE THE BEACHES!!! :D From all these travelings from places to places...seeing new things, experiencing new things, I have really learnt a lot of things. And, i'm determined I gotta find the answer someday. 18 is not too late.

Yes, 18 is not too late!

Give space.

It's best to always give someone some space, especially in a relationship. Romantic relationship, family relationship or relationship between friends. You gotta know where the boundary is. If you care too much and that person feels uneasy, then you know it's a sign for you to move back a few steps. When someone feels that his/her personal space is invaded, he/she will move away from the you. When this happens, don't go asking why he/she feels that way. You'll make things worse.

Maybe he/she is someone who doesn't like being cared for too much.
Maybe he/she doesn't like the way you care.
Maybe the care he/she wants is not from you.

宝贵的礼物

很久没有用华文子了。想当年，我是多么享受些华文作文/散文的。如今，简直是没有再用华文写作了。 华人啊！不可撇弃中文啊！哈哈。

今天是星期天。因为担心恩恩去joggerthon会跌倒还是什么的，所以就跟爸爸陪她一起去跑。这个joggerthon 是由华校举办的。 （详细资料，我不知道。） 一大清早就赶呀赶，冲到一中去。 爸爸先放我和恩恩在校门口，就去找停车的地方。 我就牵着恩恩的手，踏入那陌生的地方。 看到一个大婶，牵着一个女孩，心想她应该会知道要去哪里报道。

“嗨！ 请问一下，小学生组别要在哪里集合？”
“噢，在跑道前那里。”
“OK，谢谢你啊！”
“你也是来陪女儿跑啊？”
“Err，是跟我妹妹来的。”
“哦！不是她的妈妈。哈哈，我还以为是个这么年轻的妈妈。嘿嘿！”

=.=||| 是我有一点老啊，还是我看起来像是个早婚的少女?! T^T

唉，就是这么一段非常伤心的对话。心也快碎了。。。

Gracie and daddy.

出乎预料，恩恩的 stamina 很惊人！第三十名啊！是很厉害，很厉害的了！我都输给她了啦！或许真的是有老了一点。 （一点而已！） 不要紧，我会加紧练习，增强体力！是时候该再去游泳了。 刚刚好啊，假期快到了。 再忍一忍！

Joggerthon 过后，爸爸就带我们到咖啡店去吃早餐。 第一次和爸爸一起出去找地方吃早餐。 感觉。。。很开心，很幸福。 ：） 爸爸就点了番茄酱粿条，介绍给我吃。 蛮好吃的。 我点了我的 teh tarik。 三个人早上运动后，一起吃早餐。 ：） 感觉很不错，我很喜欢。

特别是与家人一起。

家人，永远是上帝给我们最好的礼物。 家人，是上帝特别选给我们的。 世上多么多人，而从这么多人中，我们有缘的成为了一家人。 彼此被上帝所连的缘线牵着，就是要我们互相扶持，互相关照，互相疼爱。 ：） 就算整个世界离弃了你，家人还是会在你知道的那个地方等你。 只要你懂得珍惜，你永远会知道那个地方在哪里。 所以，当我很是伤心的时候，我喜欢跟家人在一起。


不管我长得多大了，只要我有需要，我还是可以像个小孩一样回到家中。 像小孩般哭诉，要不就在哪里大哭。 有时他们并不需要知道发生了什么事，但轻声地一句安慰，仿佛再给了我力量。 不需要太多的行动，却足以医治一颗受伤的心灵。 在父母眼里，我们永远都长不大嘛。 所以，他们永远都会在那里保护我们，担心孩子在外头吃了苦，担心孩子熬不了，担心孩子扛不起。 担心得恨不得自己可以帮我们承担一切。 我很喜欢这样的家。 因为他们永远爱我，因为他们永远支持我，因为他们永远接纳我，因为他们不曾嫌弃我。。。

因为他们是无法取代的宝物。

* * *

我呢，就是要做自己。

开心的时候，我要散播快乐的种子； 伤心的时候，我也不会隐藏我的感受。
想笑的时候，我会开心的笑； 想哭的时候，我不会在你面前哭。
（怎样都好，要装坚强啊！哈哈哈！）
但真的不行时，我也不会憋着泪。
逼不得已时，我不会掩盖我一丝的情感，喜怒哀乐是正常的。

想做的，不会再犹豫。
喜欢的，会勇敢去争取。
不喜欢的，休想我去做。
但若不喜欢的，却又真的是该去做的，我。。。会尽力的。

是谁让我想通了这些？
好像是。。。你们吧？ ：）

Go blind.

It's when the whole world go blind, then only people would see each other's heart.

Because it's when we can't see with our eyes, the heart opens its eyes.

Be happy. but not?

You truly wish someone to be happy, but whatever you do is only adding the sorrow to their life, isn't that sad?

You thought that by making yourself happy, you would make other people happy, but in the end, no one is happy at all.

Why did we let this happen?

Why...

Happiness.

Happiness is such a relative term that it sometimes loses definition.

Hold my hand.

*sigh*

i don't know why, but it doesn't seem easy.

Recently i find it really tiring and difficult to serve God. I don't have the time, i don't have the energy. I'm not sure if i should take a break from everything, and i meant everything. But i am not too if it's the right choice to do.

I reached home later than midnight today after attending a Church meeting which ended at midnight. I grabbed some Chipsmore once i reached home, was having gastric attack. Then i went upstairs to my room, mom opened her room door, 'Oh, you're back dy. You jut got home?' I nodded, 'Yeah, a while ago. [pause] You know what, i sometimes feel really tired serving God.' But the door was closed dy, i guess she was tired, just came out to check if i was home. She closed the door after asking.

I want to sing songs to You, Lord. I still want to sing songs of praises to you even though i am busy. This is something i want to give You. This is something i want to do for You. This is something i want You to hear. However, my hectic schedule is really gonna wear me out soon.

But still, if i were to take this challenge. Please, i would request just one tiny thing: hold my hand. :)

I'm tired.
But i will come to You
and You would give me rest.

Boo.

stop all this.

don't try anymore.

quit.

don't simply tell stories to people whom you have just met.

say goodbye.


YAY! That's more like it. Hopefully...it's understood.
Alright, time to sleep.

Update (2)

Err, you see. It's like this. I did want to post something up, but i always had things to do. When i have nothing to do, it's either the mood was not right, or i had forgotten what i wanted to type. So... the blog is left abandoned. :)

I have so many things wanted to update. About he offer of UKM twinning programme till the recent ones. But i had no time to update at all. Again, i was caught in a dilemma. I really don't get it. Why was it that when i finally surrendered, another door of 'HOPE' was opened. Did it mean that the current choice was not right and that a better one was opened up for me, or what? Why was it so torturing? I was asked to accept things, and when i finally persuaded my stubbornness not to fight anymore, here came a chance for 'turning back' or 'turning into a new junction' which seemed to be shining with the flame of HOPE. What were all those??? You see. When i desperately wanted to leave there was no 2nd chance, so i was kinda hoped for it. But then when the chance was given to me to choose again, i stood there, trembling, shaking, unable to make up my mind. What an irony! I once wished fervently for it, yet now afraid when the chance came. I was too afraid to go anywhere anymore. After a few struggles, i decided not to go. Don't ask me why. I just felt that i don't need to leave, though i wish i could. (though i wish i HAD.) Oh well. Life's good so far. *forcing a nooooood.*

It's not about the choosing to go or to stay; it's not about 2nd chance and staying. It's just something else. But i'm fixing it, so gimme some time. And perhaps. Less words of wisdom and more realistic actions will do? :)

Hmm. Oh yea, i'm driving to school everyday now. And also dinaikkan pangkat ke driver. LOL. Sometimes i'd have to fetch bro and sis. Sigh. You know, life is getting...more EXCITING! (yea. excitinggg.) I have to wake up 530am everyday. Left home at 610am to avoid traffic jam. What to do. Three other schools outside the road to my campus. But now i'm adjusted to it dy. In fact, i think it's better to keep it like this. I reached school around 630am and so i have plenty of quite moment. :) To read some Christianity books. It's not too bad after all eh. :)

I still don't get it why would someone say something at the first place if he/she didn't mean it at all? Different brains interpret differently. Pity the poor unlucky brain which interpreted it wrongly.

School tomorrow. T.T (It's SATURDAY.)
My weekend. Sobs.

Update (1)

Haha, I think i would have to break them into a few posts, so gotta label them update (1), (2), (3)... IF there will be that many entries. Some some brief updates with the help of photos. :)

We went to Borneo Conventional Centre on 23rd July. It's huge!

Went there for this : to make up the crowd in other words. :)

Attempt failed. lol. I've always wanted to take Panorama photo, but i never succeeded. :( Looks very cacat.

Tennis as my Gerko. *Happy!*

I'm in the 'advanced' group, with the guys. Kinda honoured. :') I feel more confident. :D I feel different. BUT. Recently i feel that i have lost the 'touch'. Been playing badly. :( Sigh. Oh yea, i personally think that Mr Mano, our coach/lecturer, is kinda cool and handsome. :)

Note the mistake (the messy handwriting). You know what, my eyes really closed at that time until i didn't know what i was writing. My mind was still writing, but my hand wasn't. Not that the lecture was boring, it's because i was too sleepy and tired. I hardly had enough and sufficient sleep everyday.

Obsession! XD

Woohooo~ I'm getting it. :) SOON. Maybe end of this month. I purposely put there to keep motivating myself, and keep the dream alive. THIS time, i'm not gonna let my dream die again like LAST time. I'm gonna go for what i like.

All times' favourite!

Mmm-mmm!

Teh Tarik.

I love any kinds of beverages which have tea inside. :D Milk tea, Teh C Peng, Ice-cream Green Tea. :)

Tadaaa! The Cheesy Baked Rice that i made. I used the wrong cheese, so it didn't turn out really cheesy sticky. haha. But it was delicious. =9

My favourite! EGG TART! (from Gingerbread House)

i eat sushi. i like sushi. i love sushi.

Troubled.

It has been a long time since i last really updated this. Friends are telling me that they don't know any update form me. Oh well, life has been. pretty b a d recently. Still struggling to work it out, but finding myself on the verge of crashing down most of the time. I am really trying!

My schedule is very packed. So, now i have decided to lay down some responsibilities which other people could bear it better than me. Perhaps, they could give more commitment to those responsibility and produce better work. I'm gonna officially put down these burdens. I have the heart to help, but i don't think this is the only way to help. I'm already tied up with my own hectic schedule, so i really can't spare any more free time for those.

Learn to say 'no'.

Yes, that's the lesson i always failed to learn. But not this time.

So forgive me if i say no to those responsibilities. I like it better when there's no additional matter to tie me down even more. :)

Hope you all would understand.

If that someone never comes to you

It's normal everyone will have this feeling. (Unless if you are asexual then i have nothing to say.) So, let's be open-minded! Let's talk something about this. Well, just from what i have thought about lately. If that someone doesn't come to you, just... let go. It'd be a lot better than playing some kinda guessing game and in the end you guessed it all wrong. :)

To save yourself from being fooled by yourself, to save that someone from feeling guilty because he/she can't give you what you want - - just be cool and let go. :) See, by letting go, you become a super hero!

Sooner or later, it will fade away. It's just a feeling after all. It won't stay too long. :)

The friend in my heart, thank you. :)

When You Believe

This is my version of 'When You Believe'.


There are nights and nights when we pray fervently,
we doubt if anyone is listening.
However, there's always a flicker of hope burning within us,
which we barely realize.

Now fear has deserted us,
although we know there will be many things we are afraid of.
We were climbing mountains
even before we knew we could make it.

There can be miracles,
when you believe.
Although the hope seems dim,
it's difficult to make us give up.

When we are engulfed by fear,
when our desperate prayers come to no avail,
we feel like our hope has abandoned us,
it has flown away, leaving us in despair.

Yet, now i'm standing here.
Deep down in my heart, there's a voice telling me not to give up.
It keeps repeating, "Hang in there, something will happen.
Don't lose hope!"

There can be miracles,
only when we have faith in it.
Hope may seem to be frail,
but it's never easy to deter us from moving on.

We never know what miracles we will achieve.
When you believe,
somehow you will,
you will make it when you believe.

At times, miracles are not always granted when we ask for them.
And so it's easy to surrender to fear.
However, when we are blindfolded by the pain and life's predicaments,
it blocks us from seeing our hope clear.
Only after we have pulled through the hard times with courage,
we will then realize hope is there all the time.

There's always a tiny but firm, resilient voice,
cheering on me not to lose hope,
because the help is near.

Miracles will happen,
when we believe.
Though everything seems impossible,
it's difficult to put off the glimmering flame of hope inside our heart.

There are hard times in life when we walk down the deep valley,
there are times when troubles come thrashing down,
there are times when our prayers are unanswered,
there are times when we are on the verge of crashing down,
there are times when we are blinded by fear that we fail to see our own ability.
However, we must not lose hope,
must not be afraid,
must not let life challenges cause our faith to shatter.
Keep the faith, and cling tightly to hope.
You can achieve.
Somehow, very unexpected and miraculously,
you will achieve when you believe.
There can be miracles.

Edited version of 'When You Believe'
by alzh (22nd July 2010)

Growing pains

Few days ago, i was upset seeing the way teenagers handled an activity. I wondered when they would grow up. I wondered when they would be independent on their own. I was puzzled why they were still so naive, so immature...

until i read a comment...

"We don't want to grow up."

It shocked me. It stirred me.

All this while, we kept thinking that growing up was good for them, we kept thinking that they didn't know about life, we kept thinking that they didn't know what responsibility is... Not knowing they actually didn't want it to happen too!

They didn't want to grow up.

They don't want to leave their safety zone yet because the future is unpredictable and they're afraid. They knew the responsibility that one day will be added on to their shoulders. They knew about life, they knew growing up isn't something enjoyable and easy.

I guess
we shouldn't simply judge them
when we actually feel
the same too.

Urm...

typed.


erased.

hmm

Insomnia + realization

I'm drinking warm milk now. It's very unlike me!

Well, i have no choice. This is the one of the solutions i could do besides taking sleeping pills. But i would never give in to sleeping pills. I don't know why too, but i think i have sleeping disorder recently. Insomnia. O_O I'm very worried this time, i must say. This insomnia is very unusual. It's getting worse and worse each time. When i close my eyes, the brain just won't stop working! It's so frustrating, so sickening, so... torturing. :( Plus, i always have to wake up early the next day. Gosh! Please end this torment.

Lately... i've realized that my daddy is getting old. :( Many of my friends used to compliment that my dad looked so young. I used to think so too, but now... i don't think so anymore. The ageing process has left its trail apparently on his life. And i really feel bad seeing the change in him.


I started to realize, you became more absent-minded.
You forgot the outing i told you about.
Yet, i was angry that you forgot.
I'm sorry.

I started to realize, your ears are not as good as before.
You turned the radio loud so that you could listen to it.
Yet, i talked to you in an unfriendly tone to ask you to lower down the volume.
I'm sorry.

I started to realize, you are always trying your best.
You felt guilty that you forgot my outing.
It was the first time i saw you speed on the road.
But please don't do that again, it's dangerous.
And, I'm sorry.

I started to realize, you are always holding your temper.
You were not scolding me,
but i feel as if the silence had just scolded me.
I'm...sorry.

You are always so optimistic, so positive.
You never complained about the stress at work when you are back at home,
you never complained working in the garden fixing things,
you are tired when you are back from work,
but you just lied at the sofa and took quick nap.
You never really showed your care,
but in fact you care for us so much.
Dad, i feel so bad. :'(
I'm sorry that i have not been a good daughter.

But i just wanna say that, I really love you.
Not lying to anyone here, not showing off, not making this up,
but i love you, Dad.

I thank God, for you.
My father, my hero.

1st Week

The first week of lectures after a month of holidays.

Monday - was really having Monday Blue. I'm not sure why too, but i know i did not feeling any excitement i had days ago before school reopened. I love the computer lab for our Literature class. It's simply just so awesome! :) And then during Miss Yus's class, she asked, "Eh, where is your dictionary?" "I - don't - haaaaave." =.= Haha. During lunch time, those from Kuching were really roomless! ROOMLESS. How pity. Nomadic life. So we found an empty classroom and hung out inside there. Fiona, Vic and i. :) We had our lunch there. Then we caught up on each other's life. The lectures on Monday were very light, nothing much. Nonetheless, i must say that the first day was super tiring! Perhaps i was still in the holiday mood.

I love the tree!

Oh yea, i handed in my Pop-up book. Mdm Angie likes it a lot! She proudly showed to the other lecturers. :) At last! My hard work paid off! :) I'm very proud of myself too!

Tuesday - lectures again. can't remember anything special. Oh, we were told by our lecture that we would be having a quiz the next morning at 7am. But well, you know me, quizzes can't really scare me. Spent the afternoon sleeping. Then at night, went to Sushi King (Boulevard branch) and treated mom, dad and Gracie. :D I wanted to use the voucher i got before it expired.

Sushi King Gozen

After that, went to buy some ingredients to make sushi. When i came back, i started studying and it's already around 10pm. By the time i finished tidying the file, half an hour like that gone dy. I only studied for 45 mins in the end.

Wednesday - DROVE to school!!! hahaha. I have to conquer the fear of traffic jam! At first i parked at student's parking lot. Beautiful parking. :)

Cantik sekali! :D

Madam Angie couldn't make it for lecture so we did our own reading. And then had lunch. Yummy-licious home-cooked lunch!

lunch with books and notes.

During lunch time, when all the lecturers were away, i moved my car to park at the lecturers' parking lot. Shhhh. :D I had to do so because the student's parking lot is so far from lecture block. Well, it's another long day of lecture. After I finished class, I joined Fiona to look for lecturers to discuss the timetable. We went to look for Miss Yus. She asked if we are driving to school on our own. I said yes. Then she said, "Oh yea, i remember there was once i saw a big car. Then when i looked at the driver, there was this little girl trying to look tall inside the car." I was like HMMPH. haha. Funny. She always says things so sarcastically. haha.

After dropping Fiona at the hostel area for her to wait for her mom, i drove back home, alone. I like it. I like the feeling. Being alone and driving a car. :) Then when i reached home, i did some very light house chores. Nothing much happened.

Thursday (Today) - A day of confessions! :) Hey i like the session. Miss Hannah is so angelic! :) *halo beaming* Well, we were talking about intrapersonal during Social Studies. So everyone got to share what's the conflict we faced/are facing. I shared the dilemma which i was once caught in. (now i'm still not sure whether am i already out of the dilemma but yeah. i won't ask 'why' a lot.) Anyways, a good sharing session. :) Fiona and I stayed back again for some activities in the evening. Again, we had nowhere to go. In the end, we went back to hostel. Owing to the sad fact that we don't have any room, we just stayed at the foyer. I was so tired that i dozed off on the table. Really tired, man! Whole day oh! Around 430pm, we met our juniors at the field. Played a simple game,, get to see their faces. haha.

Okay lah, i'm so tired dy. Slept late these few days. Suo yi jin wan xiang yao zao dian qu shui jiao! ^^ NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! I've got a date tomorrow! Ngahaha. After that i'm free! But probably i'll be going back to campus at night for some function. :) And AMY dear is flying back tomorrow! :)

P/s: I've been coughing since yesterday. I think i'm losing my voice soon. I don't wanna fall sick! :(

Goodnight!

First day of Semester 3

I was hoping that it would be a great start, but... I AM NOW

mentally exhausted.

physically exhausted.

More...

I didn't have a place to go.

i'm roomless. Nowhere to take short nap.

and i'm

offended. *hurt* I don't like that word, alright.

my palms are killing me.

By the way, Fiona and I went to see the juniors at the field while waiting for dad. And i told the person in charge, "attitude." I told them to treat the juniors nicely. I just HATE those who take the advantages of their superiority to bully and torture the juniors during orientation week. During my orientation week, they made me hate the institute so much. Why force people to respect you? Treat others well and you will earn the respect automatically. And i dunno how many times i have said this today. Why do you have to go on with the unhealthy and childish tradition? Is that fun? Bullied by our seniors and now taking the revenge on your juniors?

Gracie was asking money from me to pay the violin enrollment fee. And i just realized i left RM200. :( Where did all my money go? So i passed RM100 to her. I'm broke dy so can't help much. She was happy. But then mom said better don't let her go cuz we have problem sending her there. So, Gracie is very upset now cuz she can't join the violin class.

Wanted to cheer her up.

:( See the sad smiley! Aww. I feel sad.
(by the way, it's 'want'.)

Another question. Do you know how love turned into hatred? Hmm.

Anyways. I'm off to bed now. (Actually wanted to sleep around 8pm. )

Holidays...no more! :'(

This is bad bad bad. I still can't believe it ended so soon. I haven't really enjoyed myself but now, after the sleep tonight, i'm going back to school again. Gonna wake up early again, gonna attend lectures, gonna copy notes, gonna fight sleepiness, gonna yawn in class... Looking back at this holiday, i dunno if i should say it was a good one. However, i enjoyed some of the activities, like MELTA International Conference. It's a very good exposure. I wanted something like that. Meet people across the sea. It's a lot better than staying here and see how things change out there. I wanna go feel the changes too. :( But, once again. I think staying back is also something good lah. (Though i'm still not sure how GOOD will it be.)

I managed to watch a few good movies in this holiday too, though the number didn't even exceed 5. But i guess it's more than the number of movies i watched in a semester. -.- I met up with Geral, Ruby, Bert and some other friends, but the time was quite short for every meet ups. Still wanted to do more things. I wanted to go to the beach, wanted to go swimming, this that this that... (the list will go on and on.)

Hmm, and remember the things to do in holiday which i've listed. Sigh. NOw i feel it's useless planning ahead. I'll just live each day as it comes? OH WAIT WAIT. Now, now, now.. why did i turn soooo pessimistic all of a sudden? haha. Positive thinking! Positive thinking!

Okay, i guess i'll just make my reflection on my holidays short. I'll write tomorrow. Class will finish at evening. I'll have few hours break in between. I guess i'll just visit the library. :) I have a feeling that library will be crowded with Kuching people tomorrow. XD What's lunch for tomorrow? Hmmm. Now i'm going to ask that question again everyday. XD I always ask it during school days. "What's for lunch?" But in the end, i always skipped too. =X

Hmm. "When you are having sleepless night, stare into the dark and you will eventually fall asleep. " BUt it can never work, on me. When i stare into the dark, it adds pressure to my heart. Haha. Timid.

Oh and there's something which really frustrates me recently. I really really don't like how things have changed. I want to know why. I demand an explanation for all this! But am i in a right position to ask for the reason? I wonder. Should i, or should i not... Perhaps, i should just find the 'erase' button. If can't, type in 'move on'. :)

My palms... :'( This whole week will be really torturing.

By the way, the first thing i'm going to do tomorrow when i get back to school is...

check on the dates for the next holidays!!! :D

This morning, i

had a terrible nightmare. :'(

Rabbit. Rare-bit.

You kept chasing after the thing you thought was good, but in the end you found out that you have missed out a lot of other better things along the way. What a miss! :(

Yeah, all of a sudden i just realized this fact. That i was too engrossed in chasing something which doesn't belong to me, and let go of many chances that came knocking on the door. You missed out some wonderful things, wonderful people, wonderful happenings...

Regret? A bit. Yes. I should have...really taken it more seriously. It is a miss.

Life still rolls on, people will move on, happenings will be forgotten... there's no way to go back. Well, unless i have the dagger which Prince Persia, Dastan had.

I wanted to say i really appreciate all the time we spent together.

I let the rare-bit go, Geral! :'( A rabbit that jumps out from the magician's hat. A rare-bit that comes jumping into me.

Why didn't i realize? It's only after such a long run when i found out that i was running for nothing, i finally turn back my head and see what i have missed out along the way.

Too focus is a bad thing.
Too determined is another bad thing.

A day at home.

Agnes's Facebook shout-out:

An inspiring movie is good for the soul! :) Now i'm ready!! Drawing, assignments, house chores, problems and problems, come and i shall beat you down!

Well, i think i kinda got my spirit back. :) And so i started working hard. BUT. It ain't as simple as i thought. :( I slept at 11 something last night, almost 12am. And i woke up around noon too today! TWELVE hours of sleep! :) But still sleepy! Woke up, took bath, took my brunch, idled around, flipped through some newspapers, watched a movie, cried, inspired, sat down, continued my drawing, erased and drew again, erased and drew, sighed...........finally, stopped drawing. I went to prepare dinner instead.

Diced potato + diced chicken + a big onion + pasta sauce + spaghetti + grated cheese = dinner for today!

And do you know, for the whole afternoon, i could only draw TWO people! HOW SLOW THAT WAS! :( But really lar, it's not as easy as i thought, and it's impossible to change my plan now since i've already started it. DRAWING IS SO HARD! :'( Helppp...

I persuaded my dad to let Gracie enroll in a violin class just now. :) Music teachers from ArcoStrings will be going to her school to give violin lessons. How nice that is! I wish i could have the chance too when i was small. So perhaps next time i would be her driver for her lesson. I hopeeeee i won't have any class on Wednesday afternoon. The timetable is still not out yet. Aihh, and talking about violin lessons. =.= I haven't attended mine though i did plan to. The busy college life is such a big blocking stone! :( I just can't spare my time out. I really hope i could play in an orchestra one day, so i really need a certificate on violin. Hmm. That's one of my dreams. But it's kinda hard. Well, i have gotten a green light from both my parents. In fact, they really encourage me to go take up music classes. But then what to do? The only problem is i don't have the time!

Okay, and i've also just participated in a competition. I'm hoping that i would win. :D Then i could get RM50! :) MONEY!

Hmm, i have to say this, though it may sound like it just popped out somewhere out of the blue, but this is what i really wanted everyone to know. I hate to owe people things. So please don't be toooooo nice to me that i would feel that i can't pay you back. And i know, i really can't pay you for what you've done. I sincerely appreciate it, just that, nothing is good when it's in excess.

House chores are really tiring! I remember i told my mom yesterday that i ate too much lately. Well, she was asking me did i lose weight. So she said, "Good. From today onwards, do house chores. They are good exercice." So i am assigned some chores to do. =.= Owkay, i gotta do the laundry (again). And then i have to draw, AGAIN.

T.T

Helpppp...

Oh by the way, i have diarrhoea these few days. I don't know why again. :(

Busy beezy buzzzzzz.

I worked in Four Points Hotel!

Beeep beeeeeeeeep...

UPDATES!

19th MELTA INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE was loads of funnnnn! :) Though the first day i was really a multi-tasking chairperson, it was indeed wonderful to help out and something so grand like this! First day, i was the chairperson, then the photographer, and also the person who distributed the hand outs, andddd finally ran back to the microphone to carry out the QNA session. Super girl, indeed! :) I had the chance to meet people from all around the world and that was the coolest thing! :D Apart from that, there's one Iran lady, a very beautiful and soft-spoken lady came up to me, "I've got two questions to ask you." I was kinda shocked. Shouldn't the questions be directed to the presenter? I thought. Then she said, "First is about your kebaya. It's really beautiful and it suits you well. May i know where can i get a set of this?" HAHAHAHAHA... It's an apple green silk kebaya mom gave to me. :) I could see that she was really interested in getting one, so i promised her i would give her the answer and map tomorrow. However, the second day i was sooo busy running here and there again. When i wanted to look for her during the closing ceremony, i couldn't! I scanned around and around, but there was no sign of her. I approached the committees but they just replied, "Forget it, girl. She must have gone back already. It's just a map anyway. There won't be much problem." But i insisted! Hey, a promise is a promise. I never liked to break any promise. (Well, sometimes, i have to. I know. But if possible, wouldn't it be better to prevent a promise from broken?) At that time i was running around with the map searching for that Iran lady from the leaving crowd. Dad was there to pick me up but i told him i gotta find her. Dad didn't stop me. Instead, he went around with me. Come to think of it, my daddy is indeed a lot better than the adults who asked me to give up. So i went down to the reception counter. This is the last place i could find her. So i went there to check if the lady stays in Four Points Hotel. While waiting for my turn in the queue, dad asked me, "Want a sweet?" Then he gave me a sweet. :') After checking with the counter, they said the lady didn't stay in the hotel. I left out a sigh, told myself, i've tried, there's nothing much i could do now. Just when i turned back and wanted to leave the hotel, the Iran lady entered from the hotel lobby door. I was so overjoyed and rushed to her to pass her the map. She felt so grateful too. You know, it was really a wonderful thing that i kept my promise! :)

And not forgetting, my daddy! :) He was there, with me. :) That's why Mdm Angie said my dad is a sweet dad. Well, HE IS! :D

But then when i came home, aiyah, my little gracie spoiled my lappy. T.T So that's why, "A very good but not a very good day." And that's also why the update of MELTA International Conference was delayed. Cuz i didn't have the familiar set ups to use. =/

Okay, then another interesting thing was, i met an author! I bought his book and got his autograph! FIRST TIME in my life! :) In the workshop he conducted, he asked us to write something associated with feelings, emotions, or anything from a single object. My favourite writing type. haha. I chose 'Photo frame'. I wasn't given a lot of time so i just quickly wrote one. He read it and nodded his head, then looked at me with a smile. You know what, perhaps one day i should write. :) hahaha.

Besides that, another one is about the lucky draw prize. I was writing my name to be put into a big bowl for lucky draw with Fiona and one of my lecturer, Miss Yus. Then before i put in, i said, "I've sprinkled some magic lucky dust." Miss Yus said it's no use. But then in the end, i got one lucky draw prize!!! Hahaha. SO UNBELIEVABLE! I never won anything especially when it comes to lucky draw, guess i wasn't the lucky person. But well, my magic dust worked! After the whole thing ended, i walked out to meet the lecturers. I saw Miss Yus and quickly got up to her and said, "My magic lucky dust worked!" Miss Yus said, "Huh! I don't want to be friend with you." Then i sighed, "But then...i wasn't given a dictionary." Her facial expression changed, "A ha ha ha ha ha..." "Miss Yus!!" haha. It was the wonderful memories too, to draw the lecturers and the students closer, and to foster the relationship. :) Mdm Angie, Mrs Lim, Miss Fraulein and all the other lecturers were so proud of us. :)

Last but not least... THE BUFFET LUNCH at The Eatery Cafe was awesomely satisfying. Ate to our heart content. :) Not bad la, we worked for free, ate for free too! :) Check out my Facebook album to see more photos of the conference, and of course the FOOOOD. :)

The food spelled HEAVEN.

Looked like HEAVEN.

and tasted like HEAVEN.

erm, latest picture of me and my friend. :) My hair is long again. :D

a very lovely effect of flares. :)

There are more photos but the Internet connection was a bit crappy so i gave up uploading.

Broken promises.

Hmmmm. Time is so short, so cruel at times. But sometimes, it turns out to be the best medicine. Oh no! I can't concentrate again. :( But i have to. I don't have much time left.

The kite which has its string cut won't be able to fly back. Perhaps, it's time to let go. Let it go, let it fly, in the world it can be truly happy - in the wide blue sky.

Well, it all started with the first broken promise. Then it continues with a string of broken promises. In the end, they all become empty promises. But now i'm trying my best to hold myself aloof from the source. This time, it's me who has broken the promise.

It's dangerous to simply give promises. It is even dangerous to simply believe in promises. From today onwards, don't simply give me any promises. I do not want to listen. Please don't think that you could give any promises which you think you could fulfill, because it's impossible.



Something else which came across my mind but it's not related to this post:
Don't. please don't waste your time on something which is not worth it. You know the answer, so please don't. I have to say sorry. Because of the wrong words used, the wrong feelings expressed.

i wonder if the kite would drop in front of my feet again.
even if so, should i pick it up?

Demotivated :(

Gossshhhh! I'm feeling very very demotivated. :( Can't seem to set my focus on one thing. My thoughts keep swaying away. I wanted to do a lot of things tonight but i just can't sit down and really do my assignment. In fact, the feeling of not wanting to do anything at all has monopolized me. I, need to do some adjustment to my life! Honestly, i don't know why but i just really don't like it this way. It's too tiring, it's like dragging my tired self to walk through the journey.

The most sickening thing: when your body desperately begs for rest, your mind just can't rest.

That feeling is so extremely awful! T.T If you had this experience before, you'll know.

Oh and i am actually quite mad over something, that's why i changed my mind. You know what, i just wanna say, that's it. :) We'll continue to act like we don't care. I'll forget what i said and what i heard. We'll just be cool with each other.

Geram geram. Too many things to do, in a school holiday which was meant for me to rot at home. Okay, i will get a good night sleep and continue doing tomorrow. No point staying up late. No point.

Life's talk.

I've learnt and realized a lot of things lately. At times, i love it when i think a lot. At times, i just hate it. This time, i got the both feelings.

Struggled. Climbed up. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Struggled. Pulled through. :)

At times, life tells you this: It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view.

I'm not saying that this picture is the most beautiful. This thought is actually something i feel lately: When you are tired of your life now, you must not give up. You might wonder where is the wonderful part of life that God wants you to see. Just go a little further, walked a few steps more, climbed a bit more until you reach that point where you could see the beautiful view. It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view. If you haven't, maybe you haven't reached that point yet. :)

* * *

Yellow.
under a yellow light
in a bottle of tiny white stones.

you know you can't live long
yet you stands up straight to tell the world

even if my life ends tomorrow
even my shadows tell me to bend down
i am still going to stand up straight
and embrace each day as it comes.

* * *

i wish...

i could
put on the fairy's wings,
wave my magic wand,
and sprinkle some magic dust on myself when things go bad.

* * *

When life gives you a cup of vanilla milk, add a sweet vanilla smiley to it. -agneslzh-

When you find something happy in your life, don't just be happy. Add a smiley to it and really enjoy it to the fullest. Some of the the happiness don't stay long, you know.

* * *

in times of solitude,
you realize
you actually have everything.

* * *

告诉自己别傻了

Sunday.

Got myself some new collection. :D The other day after my work i went for shopping straight with mom and sis. Worked from 8am to 3pm. Then from 3pm till 630pm. Didn't really buy much. Oh wait, i think we did. But not me. haha. I was wearing a pair of green capri pants. Imagine! How eyes-catching it was!! I was as though a walking leaf. =.= Seriously. Haha.

Anyways, i was totally not in a mood to shop that day. I was tired after my long hours of working. (I shouldn't have tortured myself with work.) Oh well, and i think i need to save money.

$ $ $ for:

1. Black baby
2. Cool in-tech baby
3. Two eyes baby
4. In-a-pair babies
5. and more!

And i also need to save some for my traveling piggy bank. :) I'm planning to go Sabah next year, and hopefully Japan. :D Of course the latter one i need sponsors. :p

A lunch with church friends at Ren Jian.

Malak mee loh! :)

We had a great time there. :) The captain there was really good-looking! All of us agreed that, I meant most of us. haha. I should have sit at Lanny's place. :p HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! After lunch, we talked and gossiped for hours. We talked about politics. For the first time, i was very interested in listening and contributing my thoughts. Haha. I used to hate politics, thought it was super boring. Perhaps, that boring part was about the law. The real one, however, is interesting.

I regret for not going out tonight! :( I can't just torture myself like this in my holidays! My friend called and asked if i want to follow them to watch movie. But i didn't go. Sigh. I can't continue on like this! This is a holiday, if i don't enjoy now, when can i enjoy when school starts? Hell life would be back by then. Plus, lots of adjustments need to be made cuz starting from next semester, i'm staying at home instead of hostel.

Well, this is... a sad part in my holiday. Today is the 14th, i have only three more days to complete my work. Planned to finish 60% of it by tomorrow. :) Hopefully i don't have anymore distraction like tonight. I need to stay focus!

Oh yea, i think i have a serious problem. Do i have poor communication skill? =/ i wonder. This is not the first time. Why it seems that i always can't make people understand my thoughts? Or is it because of the wrong topic everytime? I don't like misunderstandings. :(

Anyways, share with you all:

难过了，就蹲下来，抱抱自己 :)

How true. And i really really love this quote. Quoted from Kai Yen. :D

Why didn't i?

How have you been?

It's 1:30am now. I am supposed to be asleep by now but i'm not.

Let's track back today's events. :) (or yesterday's events.)

i was sleepy - stole a quick eyes-off in the van while pastor was sending others home - went to cell group - read bible - went to tHe Spring straight after work - marking and packing - went off to work - "it's a gloomy morning." - woke up and took a hot morning shower - frustrated and pressured - opened my eyes.

WAIT.

Something is not right somewhere. Right from the very beginning of the day.

i was sleepy - stole a quick eyes-off in the van while pastor was sending others home - went to cell group - read bible - went to tHe Spring straight after work - marking and packing - went off to work - "it's a gloomy morning." - woke up and took a hot morning shower - frustrated and pressured - opened my eyes.

I guess everything started not so good right from the beginning of the day. =| Well, having to force myself to wake up early in a holiday is a great torture! :( I feel so bad for myself, for not being able to enjoy the holidays. It's just going to be FOUR weeks. No no, it has just reminded me: only TWO weeks left. OWHH! :'(

It's really late now and i don't feel like typing lots of words, so just a very brief update.

I've finally tidied my study table!

After a week of procrastination, i finally picked up my lazy self to tidy it. It took me days to remove those Form 6 and Form 5 books from my shelves and table. And it took me two days to sort out the whole stack of paper. I made some shelves out of boxes!

I've finished watching this! Tamna Island.

I LOVE IT! It's such a cute love story. It's based on traditional setting, in Ji Zhou Island. I like Park-Kyu in this story. (The one holding the hat.) Why? I like his personality, his views on life, of choices he should make in life, he's thoughtful but he's keeping all the things inside, he cries. He is always serious, mysterious, and courteous. He has a very radiant smile when he smiles, but he doesn't smile a lot because of his attitudes towards his work. He stands up for the girl he likes and protects her from any insults or bullies from other people. He takes care of the girl when she's ill. He doesn't care if the girl knows he was there to watch over her for the whole night to make sure her fever subside. Ah... :)

saw this in newspaper today.

Hmmmmm. I am happy! It's even better if i could escape the bond for government. If it is so, if i'm not selected, then, i would have the chance to complete my dreams! :) What a good news! Perhaps, i could spend a few months in oversea, go to the university there as a student under student exchange programme. Meet people from other places, people who live far far at the other side of the sea. Experience, explore... Well, that is when i will have a really LONG holidays! Long enough for me to do the things i really wanna do in this stage of my life. Or perhaps, i could travel to places and become a journalist. :D Travel on cruise? Try EVERY job i wanted to try. Bridal studio. More and moreee! :)

*pop bubbles pop bubbles*

I still have, four and a half year to go. Soon, it will be the anniversary of "The Twist of My Story". Hmm. It has almost been one year. Sometimes i feel things have changed, but sometimes i just don't think they have changed much. =/ But what i would tell myself is: it's really something no one can answer. So just save those "Why why why's", the plan is too big for me to understand. :)

While most of the students would do in holiday is to enjoy to the max, i feel like i'm totally the opposite. My boss, the instructor of the tuition center called me and i went back to work. Frankly speaking, i'm sick of it. It's not because of the insrtuctor treated me badly or something. It's the job itself. It's a repetitive job! It's too easy and too boh-riiiinngggg. (=boring) Oh wait, i take back the work "easy", it isn't! You know what, i guided Add Math students in the last lesson. I felt safe walking around speaking as if i-know-it-all-very-well with the answer books in my hand. ;) Whenever i didn't know how to answer, i would quickly open the book, study the answers together with the steps. Then i would walk back to the student, and explained it easily. This is the teacher's secret. HAHAHAHAHA. It's not my fault, i really forgot those creepy formulas when i'm no longer using them. And the chapter that they were doing was Quadratic functions, which is the chapter i hate a lot. Drawing graphs, blah blah... If it's Trigonometry or Triangles and Solutions or some other topic is still not bad. But graphs, finding roots, finding the equations...Save me! Plus, the standard of the Add Math questions is a lot harder because it's based on O-level and A-level standard. You get pretty difficult "form 5" and "form 6" Add Math questions in the worksheet. There were times i didn't understand the working steps provided in the answer books. I asked my instructor about the steps, only then i knew, it's form 6 Math! I didn't even learn those...

Okay okay, now here is a really BAD news!

I still have work at 9am tomorrow! I have to reach the center before 845am. :( Yeah yeah yeah... i have to WAKE UP EARLY. And why am i still up now? It's almost 230am. Five hours to sleep. Hmm. :( Anyways, it's the LAST day of work!!! :D

Yeeeeeepieeee!

How have you been?
Me?
I think i'm getting used to it now. :)