When You Believe

This is my version of 'When You Believe'.


There are nights and nights when we pray fervently,
we doubt if anyone is listening.
However, there's always a flicker of hope burning within us,
which we barely realize.

Now fear has deserted us,
although we know there will be many things we are afraid of.
We were climbing mountains
even before we knew we could make it.

There can be miracles,
when you believe.
Although the hope seems dim,
it's difficult to make us give up.

When we are engulfed by fear,
when our desperate prayers come to no avail,
we feel like our hope has abandoned us,
it has flown away, leaving us in despair.

Yet, now i'm standing here.
Deep down in my heart, there's a voice telling me not to give up.
It keeps repeating, "Hang in there, something will happen.
Don't lose hope!"

There can be miracles,
only when we have faith in it.
Hope may seem to be frail,
but it's never easy to deter us from moving on.

We never know what miracles we will achieve.
When you believe,
somehow you will,
you will make it when you believe.

At times, miracles are not always granted when we ask for them.
And so it's easy to surrender to fear.
However, when we are blindfolded by the pain and life's predicaments,
it blocks us from seeing our hope clear.
Only after we have pulled through the hard times with courage,
we will then realize hope is there all the time.

There's always a tiny but firm, resilient voice,
cheering on me not to lose hope,
because the help is near.

Miracles will happen,
when we believe.
Though everything seems impossible,
it's difficult to put off the glimmering flame of hope inside our heart.

There are hard times in life when we walk down the deep valley,
there are times when troubles come thrashing down,
there are times when our prayers are unanswered,
there are times when we are on the verge of crashing down,
there are times when we are blinded by fear that we fail to see our own ability.
However, we must not lose hope,
must not be afraid,
must not let life challenges cause our faith to shatter.
Keep the faith, and cling tightly to hope.
You can achieve.
Somehow, very unexpected and miraculously,
you will achieve when you believe.
There can be miracles.

Edited version of 'When You Believe'
by alzh (22nd July 2010)

Life's talk.

I've learnt and realized a lot of things lately. At times, i love it when i think a lot. At times, i just hate it. This time, i got the both feelings.

Struggled. Climbed up. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Struggled. Pulled through. :)

At times, life tells you this: It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view.

I'm not saying that this picture is the most beautiful. This thought is actually something i feel lately: When you are tired of your life now, you must not give up. You might wonder where is the wonderful part of life that God wants you to see. Just go a little further, walked a few steps more, climbed a bit more until you reach that point where you could see the beautiful view. It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view. If you haven't, maybe you haven't reached that point yet. :)

* * *

Yellow.
under a yellow light
in a bottle of tiny white stones.

you know you can't live long
yet you stands up straight to tell the world

even if my life ends tomorrow
even my shadows tell me to bend down
i am still going to stand up straight
and embrace each day as it comes.

* * *

i wish...

i could
put on the fairy's wings,
wave my magic wand,
and sprinkle some magic dust on myself when things go bad.

* * *

When life gives you a cup of vanilla milk, add a sweet vanilla smiley to it. -agneslzh-

When you find something happy in your life, don't just be happy. Add a smiley to it and really enjoy it to the fullest. Some of the the happiness don't stay long, you know.

* * *

in times of solitude,
you realize
you actually have everything.

* * *

告诉自己别傻了

Guardian angel.

Some people walked into your life,
drew rainbows and made everything perfect,
accompanied you through the scariest storm,
shielded you from the rain,
warmed you when it's cold,
listened to you when you're lonely,
talked to you to make you feel good,
cared for you to make you feel loved,
did everything to just to make you laugh,
stayed with you when you were about to cry,
lighted up the path, reminded you to cling on to God,
guided when you were lost,
just like a guardian angel,
made you see a different you,
a special you,
a strong you,
a beautiful you,
a cheerful you,
a wonderful you.

But all of a sudden the guardian angel just left.
Leaving all the wonderful things behind for you -
beautiful yet empty.

You still see his shadow once in a while,
in places where he left traces,
in places where he sprinkled magic dust.

They walked out,
leaving the beautiful sad memories behind.

Well.

Saturday . 8th May 2010

COURAGE is...

To live life strong.
To love life despite all sadness.
To persevere in spite of all difficulties.
To sweep off your the dust on your shirt and pick yourself up.

To love.
To hope.
To trust.
To wait.
To believe.

To be happy.


* * *

A brief entry about this week. One week has ended! THREE more weeks. But it doesn't sound good. It has just reminded me in this SHORT three weeks, i have so many things to do, so many things to finalize, so many things to complete.

1. LDS assignment, which is the hardest to complete. (due next week)
2. LDV Oral presentation. I'm gonna do Global Warming since i've been dreaming to give a talk on environment. (Today i just found out that so many of my classmates will be doing it. Swt. So popular meh? Competition ah. I don't like!)
3. Social Studies Forum. My group's topic is on Sustainable Development.
4. English Studies Dramatization, Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare. (Practices! T.T Seriously i don't know why but it really stressed me out planing the whole play. Kinda tired.)

SIGH. That's why lo. Kinda demotivated at times. So many things to do. So many things to do well. Sometimes, how i wish, how i wish i could give up and let go.

Anyways, life is not meant to be easy la. If it is, then there won't be any suicides. So yeah, LIVE IT! Despite our busyness, we still managed to get together and go out for a dinner to celebrate May's birthday. :) We went to Kado since my classmates have been anticipated since last semester to go there.

and so on 6th May 2010 (Thursday night), we went. :)

My ice-cream green tea is out of stock again. :'(

And you know, i was kinda upset. I failed to take night pictures everytime. I need a DSLR camera! Or at least, a camera. But it won't be in my list until September. I'm broke now. :'( Worse, i misplaced my bank book. T.T Since last semester, i haven't touched the money in my bank, went a few times to apply an ATM card but to no avail everytime. Now my working money almost finished. Sobs. I've been so jimat all this while. Worked so hard for money. But now no money! Money money moneyyy...

I have no idea where did i get this bruise.

a random photo taken during dancing practice.

a beautiful egg yolk.

A gift FROM mom.

A spoonful of Devotion.

My name. :)

I drove home yesterday! Dad's Pajero. Ngehehe. ALONE! Woot! Improving! This morning i drove to school again. When i reached school, i was shocked - I DIDN'T BRING MY PURSE! No purse = no driving license! Geng leh.. hahahaa. Careless. Hmm, school had Abacus competition in the Brook Hall, organized by the Math class. Then, there was also Tennis Competition and other sports. I went out to watch tennis competition after one of my lecturer left earlier for a meeting. Aaah! Miss sports, miss tennis! After having lectures from 730am - 230pm, i drove home. It was a scorching hot afternoon so i wore mom's sunglasses. Drove until the gate, went down to put my pass book while taking off the sunglasses. The guards said "Pakai pakai! Cantik ba." LOL!!!

Aiyo... I just can't bring myself to do what i'm supposed to do. Feel so sick. Feel so lazy. I know i ought to do now. but i'm too tired. Don't wanna force myself, cuz like that i won't be happy. Don't wanna push myself too hard, cuz that will add stress and pressure. sigh. I'm frustrated, i'm fed up. I've tried. :(

Now my Saturday is almost gone. Weekend is gone.

I'm dreaming for a good weekend.
It's the only time to rest.
I just want a good weekend to rest~
All i want is a simple weekend.

(sing it in "I'm dreaming for a white Christmas")

P/S: There's something i really wish to share. But i'm so sleepy dy. Dunno whether i should go to sleep or do my assignments. =/

signing off.

I want my Chinese input function back! :'(

Nothing Gold Can Stay

[19/01/2010] Today's class was really really tiring! My whole day was packed with activities. Wuiyo, i can't imagine how long could i stand this kinda schedule. Hmm, and today, i've come to a sudden realization that I'm actually nothing you know. I have a lot more to learn. :( Everything is way more than what it seems to be. Okay, i actually planned to sleep now, but thoughts are still running in my mind, jumping here and there, knocking on the wall, they want to be known! And somehow just got these very weird feelings. :S Oh well, grant their wish!

Okay, MONDAY, the debate. Nature Vs. Nurture. Actually Nurture can really win you know. However, they missed out lots of important and killing facts. Besides that, my team, our motion, was supported with solid examples. (The facts i found and i know! ^^) I proudly announce the winner, MY TEAM!!! Woot! NOt bad. ;D I'm happy. It was the first time me joining a debate. It's scary, really! 1st speaker: Faz; 2nd speaker: Agnes; 3rd speaker: Myli. :) Happy working with you all! OOh, and another thing, in the end, almost the whole class was attacking 'Nature'. =/ And after the debate Fiona said it's as if she had just attended a BIO lecture. Lol. I talked too much bio. :p I loveeee BIO, there's simply no way you can make me not to love it. Overall, it was indeed a valuable experience, and yeah, debate is fun!! :D

After that we had quiz on modals. Actually it was supposed to be in the afternoon! But, it's okay, doesn't make much difference, you learnt, then you know how to do. As easy as that. For me, it wasn't hard at all. Quite surprisingly, it was rather easy. Luckily i didn't spend too much time studying it. :P

Today, TUESDAY. Hmm, as i have mentioned the first thing in this post, it's PACKED! :( Okay let's see. (sorry my mind is not really working well now, and i don't really have the heart to type full sentences.) Today we had Mr Nyolet's class, i was quite upset cuz he still has not returned my essay yet. In fact, he has not even marked it yet. :( I waited patiently for two weeks to read the comments for my essay leh. :( Ah, gotta wait for another week then. Alright, during his lesson, we did a poem. A totally unfamiliar poem was given to us and we were asked to find metaphors, issues, themes, and other literary devices in groups.


Nothing Gold Can Stay
Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief.
So dawn goes down to a day,
Nothing gold can stay.

Basically the whole poem tells us that nothing lasts forever, no beauty can be preserved, any living thing will finally die, precious things are always temporary. Then Mr Nyolet was asking what are the issues concerning this poem, i replied "seize every moments while you still have the time". softly. "What? What did you say just now?" he asked. "I think i heard something philosophy. Please say it again." I was a little surprised and happy with the word "philosophy". Ooh, of course it will sound philosophy! Come on, who was the one saying it? huh? huh? :P I said it aloud again and Danny asked for my sentence. Lol. Quoted by Agnes Lee Z.H. 19/02/2010.

Well, this poem reminded me how short can something very precious be. Just like a flower, it blooms and then withers. How short the beauty is! Eden, from the bible, it's like a promise land, you have everything wonderful inside. It's also referring to a happy land, a symbol of happiness, a beautiful garden. BUT. Eden sank to grief too. All the wonderful things are very precious, valuable, meaningful...temporary. Since we can't keep them, why not we appreciate them while we still have them? One day your strength will be lost, you will grow older, you will lose a lot of abilities. So since we are still young right now, why don't we seize every moments, to do something meaningful, to help a friend, to pray for someone, to love, to care and to do many wonderful things which you ought to do before you don't have the time anymore.

At night, was supposed to have dinner in Scotland. T.T CHEESY BAKED RICEEEE!!! :( But i chose to go CF instead of joining church buddies for a dinner and meeting. Aiyo. :( Didn't get to eat my CHEESY . BAKED . RICE . :( I'm sure they had loads of fun tonight. Well, i had a great night too. Again, the topic "TIME" surfaced in CF's sharing tonight. Mdm Chai asked, "What would you do if you only have ONE DAY left on Earth?" this question. this question.Thiiiiiis question. How would you answer? Take your time to really think over it. Actually i have answered this question before, and i remember i asked mun and others. All giving different answers. But at that time the question was if the world is coming to an end soon. BUt for this question, you only know that you are going to die the day before you die, and you only have ONE DAY, just one day to do the things you want, what would you do on that day?

For me, one day is just too short to do the things i want to do. 1st, I want to write letters and give lots of present out for my friends, people i care and love. But one day is definitely not enough for me to do those. Since i can't do that in one day, i will chose my 2nd plan. I would want to hold a big, a really big gathering at my house, or somewhere. I'll invite my family, relatives, all my friends and people i love and people who love me. I will also invite anyone who's interested and willing to go. That whole day, basically i just want to spend my last few hours with them, sing songs together, praise Lord, give thanks to everything we have all this while. Thank my family for giving me such a wonderful place called home. Thank them for being my shelter and refuge that always shield me from troubles. Thank them for their constant support, though they didn't always voice it out, but i know. :) Thank them for giving me love, showing me care, forgetting all my wrongs, bearing with me at home (well, sometimes i could get ticked off easily, very easily) thank them for their sacrifices, and thank them for them. I'm not the Agnes today without them. Of course, i would want to grab the chance to encourage them to continue to walk firmly and closely with God, tell them things i've learnt, things God has taught me through trials, tell them things i wanted to tell them long time ago but due to shyness, i kept them deep down inside my heart. But on that day, i want to let them know everything that is wonderful about them. Cuz they are wonderful. :) Thank you all, for always being there. (Okay, know what my eyes are watery now, feel like crying. haha) Like what mom always says, "It's a blessing form God that we all can become one family." And i love that sentence very much. :)

Next to friends, i would really want to thank all of them, for lending a helpful hand, understanding ears, and shoulders to cry on. Friends are siblings God forgot to give. They are wonderful people you meet out there, coming from different family background, having different types of blood, and different personalities. BUt somehow, they just turned the world special, and warm. :) I would apologize again for any bad things i've done which hurt them. Sometimes i just didnt know what i was doing. And that day, i still have to apologize again even though i have said sorry once upon a time ago.

For all the people who present on that day, i would share my testimonies and all the love and blessings that i have received from God. I have to let them know, because it's just wonderful, being a child of God. I would sing songs of praise to Him, i would glorify Him. Finally, perhaps at the end of the day, when i am ready and am still waiting for Father God to bring me, i will seek for His forgiveness again. Although i have done that before, at that moment, i just want to ask for His forgiveness again, for alllll the bad things i've done throughout my life. And, i want to sing my favourite song 生之颂 with my eyes closed, and sleep until God wakes me up.

Aah, i've planned everything! I didn't even know! LOL! And lastly, i hope, i wont be asking furiously or sadly "WHY?" "WHY ME?" on that day. :) Once in a while, it's good to ponder upon question like this, it will actually make you appreciate things you have. And it teaches you to see things in a different angle and a totally different perspective. Alright. That's enough sharing for today. My energy has really drained out. Need to recharge. I'm going to sleep the moment my head hits the pillow. lol. Tomorrow would be a loooong day to go. 630-730am jogging. 8-10am Softball. 1030-don't know what time: mysterious English Club meeting. 2-430pm English Development. Ah! Have to sleep now.

20/01/2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to bro, Clement and Caveman Ah Wei!
May God continue to bless you all greatly!

absence.

Stay.

Stay

if you could just stay,
i won't be afraid of things around me.
if you could just stay,
i know that i have someone near to turn to when trouble comes.
if you could just stay,
you could protect me from things that steal my faith away.
if you could just stay,
we could embrace each days together as it comes.
if you could just stay,
you could keep me company when loneliness creeps in.
if you could just stay,
you could keep me warm in your arms when i shiver.
if you could just stay,
your presence alone will sparkle my world with beautiful glitters.
if you could just stay,
you could add on more happiness to my life, more than you could imagine.

Hold my hand now, and stay here.
Whisper to me, "I'm here."

Stay...and everything will be alright.
because you are right beside me.

Uiit! Feel like making a song! hehe. it has been a longg time. :) Mmm. Good idea! Gonna pay a visit to Ruby dear soon. Of course, i need to edit the lyrics, make it better, more suitable for a song. Well, i was just simply typing some words for the pic just now.

Ooh by the way, that's another design from me. How's it? I did it just now. Erm, can't sleep again. X( It's the time when my imagination is the wildest. So i guess i should design around this hour? haha. Ok, the pic, it was taken in Boulevard. (went there with church friends today after church this morning) Hmm, basically, i want to focus on the snow globe itself, and of course the couple in it. They look sweet. :) I simply love snow globes! They always look precious to me, and make me want to keep them nicely. And whenever i shake it, as the delicate glittering and sparkling "snow" float around gracefully, it reminds me of the beautiful memories i had. :)

I'm so gonna try to make one someday! :D

if you could just stay
here.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

by Maya Angelou


The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down its narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings for freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

* * *

Being a free bird...

A free bird has all the freedom it wants. It can fly freely to anywhere its wings take it to. It can explore the world, search for its food, soar in the sky, fly above the sea, meet other birds...

"he calls to the sky his own"
the entire sky is its home - unbounded by anything.

Being a caged bird...

A caged bird doesn't have the opportunity to see the world beyond the bars. Its wings are clipped, feet are tied. Due to the narrow space of the cage, its movement is severely restricted.

"bars of rage" refers to the cage.
Why rage? Because the bird is angry - it is trapped - it is held against its will.

A caged bird sings with a fearful thrill.

rage + fear = a great deal of insecurity, unhappiness and anger

Rage: (anger) being caged, trapped, its freedom is denied

Fear: of never being free, of being harmed

"grave of dreams" : again, it's another metaphor for the cage

Here, it provokes another issue -
it's merely alive, not living.

The caged bird has no freewill, it has nothing to look forward to, all of its dreams are doomed to die.

Being alive: physical state of existence

Living: enjoying life, living life to the fullest

"his shadow shouts a nightmare scream"
the caged bird is merely alive. Its very existence is like that of a shadow - no form, nothing concrete. The caged bird lives in a cage (the "grave of dreams") and so it has no real forms, no real importance.

so that even its most frightening scream is silent.

"the things unknown but longed for still"
"sings of freedom"
The two lines suggest that the caged bird has never known freedom, never known what life beyond the bars is like. Yet, it has a deep longing for freedom. A poignant desire for freedom.

"so he opens his throat to sing"
Its voice = sad + fear + anger + sorrow
This is the only part of the bird that can 'fly' - it is the one things that the bird can set free!

* * *

I was deeply stirred by this poem when i studied it. Wanted to share it but I always didn't have the time to do so. Somehow, i feel for the bird, it's just a bird but it sounds so like someone. Having dreams unfulfilled without even trying, it feels utterly mortally awful. However, life still rolls on ey? Whether you like it or not, you are still gonna live it.

Merely alive or living? Aah, that's another problem again.