seeing something different.

Monday . 22nd March 2010

Run towards your dream!

Went to a camp, learnt a lot of things!! :) I feel like i have grown a little. :D Praise Lord! Hmm, i actually wanted to type out a lot of things regarding on the camp, it taught me a lot of things. First time cried in a camp listening to real life stories; first time sleeping on a bunk bed (was sleeping on the top alone, very scary i tell you! i didn't know which side to turn to at night. empty beds besides me.); first time shared on photography experience with some adults (they are really nice people); first time had my sand fight (the enemy was ah wei stupid boy who gets jealous easily.); first time took bath with *euuurrrk* erm, water which looked like coffee; first time praising people so many times in four days! Lot's of new things. It was a good try! :)

Good thing, good thing.... here comes the BAD THING! I got bitten by those super poisonous wild insects. The bites are swollen now. Sobs. They are very irritating, itchy, and painful when you touch them. Not again not again not again.

big SIGH.

I learnt to be patient, learnt to praise, learnt to appreciate... And the most important thing i learnt from this camp is about dream. It is always a sensitive issue which will stir my feelings up. However, after this, i think i am going to face it with a stronger heart. I can't just stay like this forever. It's time to change my mindset.

每一个梦想都一定会经过考验。
不要为了盲目地追求自己的梦想而伤害爱你的人。

How true. Eric's sharing touched me a lot, i cried and i realized how self-centered i was. Then, from one of the game in Team Building, there's one game where the whole group had to cross over a string, hand in hand. The sharing and the game were like a wake up knock. They might be wrong at killing me dream, or snatching it away from me. BUT i was even wrong for doing all the things i have done, for saying all the words which hurt them. :(

梦想，梦想。如果到最后弄到其他的人受伤，爱你的人为你心痛，大家都不开心 - - 那么那个梦想到底有什么用啊？曾经很自私地认为所有的人都很坏，不过到最后，自己应该才是那个不迁就别人的人吧？

[I will upload the photos soon in Facebook, maybe next week.]

Holidays are over. SO FAST! It wasn't a holiday anyway. Yesterday went out with Pastor, Ah Wei, Lanny after church to The Hills shopping mall for lunch. After that went out with Amy to watch Alice in the Wonderland 3D!!! It turned out to be a continuation of the story of Alice after she had grown up. I like the last part where there was a modern dance by the hatter.

Alice in the Wonderland

Too bad the time was really not enough, only managed to watch a movie then walked around for awhile. Then Amy's daddy sent me home. I like her daddy. So "young", so funny... hehe. He asked me already got boyfriend or not. I replied 'no' then he said must be daring to look for the one i love, don't wait for him to make the move. If not, the guy will go away. LOL!!! He said now the world has changed; the girls can go after the boys. :) And he says to find the true love, must pray specifically. :) What kinda boy you want - smart, handsome, bla bla...

Anyways, now i'm sooooo busy with things. My life. My studies. Well, i got no time. I have tried, but i think i can't. So, yeah. I dunno if the things i am doing now are giving the wrong signals or what, but just wanna clarify that i'm not planning on anything right now. I just like the time i spent together with you all. Laughing and fooling around. Text you when i am bored. Well, but i still believe in waiting. :) If you want the answer, ask again on my birthday this year. Perhaps I will answer you honestly this year.*

Ooh, and i just got my phone back. Hmm, lost ALL the messages. Well, perhaps, it is an indication, an indication that i should move on and start all over again with nothing. :) Feeling good for this, though i miss the time in the past, though i still want to hold on to the memories. But no no no, i'm gonna let them go, one by one, or all at once. I don't want to be entangled in the past. anymore.

Two exams papers are given back. Kinda disappointed. Will talk about it more after i have gotten all the papers back. Gonna be super busy this week. Lots of things to do, lots of activities, lots of preparation to be done. HEADACHE!

In JUNE holiday, i just want to sit at home, doing nothing, starring aimlessly at the ceiling, asking myself, "what should i do?" :p or perhaps, if i really can't stand the state where i have nothing to do, i will just find something i enjoy doing. Currently have one plan in mind. :D

Next movie...

How to train your dragon :D

A new start.
Goodbye, you!

bee wings.

Friday . 12th March 2010

Sigh. I just can't take off my bee wings......yet!

I wonder, when, WHEN can i take them off and have a real good holiday. :( I thought i would be free after my exam finished. But, i was wrong - totally absolutely wrong! Life is getting busier and more packed. At times, feel like i really can't cope anymore. I'm at the verge already!! I need to de-stress!!!

Exam just ended. Hooray......WAIT FIRST. It's too early for that. The sad thing is, the really really sad thing is - it also symbolizes my busy life's starting. Ahh, i would rather sit for exams everyday! Seriously. I don't mind at all. Actually i am supposed to go back to school tomorrow morning for dancing practice but i cannot. Amy and her friends are here in Kuching, gotta meet up somehow. I've already missed the first night with them due to exams. (Should have gone out actually.)

Tomorrow morning: outing with Amy, Tit & friends. (still planning) Afternoon: meeting at church for songs and worship night, or something about that (i still don't have a clear picture yet what is it about.)

Sunday morning: gonna teach Sunday school teens. Afternoon: meeting at main church regarding the camp from 17-20/04/2010 at Camp Pueh.

Monday + Tuesday: going back to school to work on our exhibition's display on a mega book fair. 118 schools are coming over. My goodness. Lots of work to do. (btw, i'm bringing Gracie to school along on that book fair.)

Wed-Sat : Youth Camp at Camp Pueh.

Then...school starts again.

27th March: Scholastic Book Fair
5-9/04/2010 : Language Week (we are the organizing team)
7-9/04/2010 : Language Camp

May : Dramatization of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.

2 assignments due after holiday. SOOOO many things to do. Feel like crying. Can i, can i, say quit now? I'm really tired of being busy. I'm frustrated over the things we actually don't have to do but are forced to do. Don't push me to go any further anymore.

and i'm disappointed at something which hurts me a lot. You. I don't know why. I don't understand why. But if i did something wrong that offended you, please just let me know instead of replying me...coldly. Why are you replying text messages so shortly nowadays? It doesn't feel good. Why is it not like before anymore? It's getting colder and colder. Just because of the reply, it really makes me wonder if i should reply again. The conversations that we enjoyed last time, can we have it again? Was it because of something that i have done? Tell me ok? Look, i'm trying my best to keep it going already, but it's a mutual thing. I hope you understand that now, i am not posting this here to tell the whole world how bad i think you have been. I just can't stand it anymore, cuz the changes i feel from you, are hurting me a lot. I wanted to let you know how i feel, but i don't know if i should. So i just post it here, if you know it's referring to you. Do something. Tell me if it's my problem.



What i have learnt tonight:
1. Don't struggle anymore. No matter how hard you struggle, you can only be and stay as what you are at now.
2. After you have made a decision, DON'T REGRET. (don't give others a chance to throw you any pity expression.)
.
.
.
and more.

By the way. Morning outing canceled. No more Rafflesia :'(

one more day!

Wednesday . 10th March 2010

The day is coming the day is coming!!! ONE MORE day! :) Just because of the exam, i had to visit the library more often, to study. Can't study in room, i will only end up sleeping or doing nothing productive. =S I enjoy being in the library alone, dunno why. Just a cell phone, my notes, my pencil case and a jacket, yes.

Spread the smiles~

I went around, telling my nervous classmates, "Don't worry don't be so tensed. SMILE!"

After my first paper on Monday, i was so bersemangat to go library to study after my paper ended at 1030am. If you met me that day you could see my eyes burning with spirit of enthusiasm. (Woah... =.=) Stayed there from 1130am-4pm. Broke my record! First time staying in library for soooooo long! And guess what, i read a lot of stuff that evening. ;) 3 books of FEMALE magazines, essays and some notes on Social Studies. :D Not bad leh? Hahahahaha! You know last few times i was so desperately finding ladies's magazines in the library which are in English but to no avail. Then on Monday my eyes were sharp enough to catch the ladies' magazines in a stack of Malay Magazines. Woot! I grabbed 'em and spent more than one hour reading them. :p That's how i spent my whole afternoon in the library. :)

In front of me.

behind...

See that? It's totally EMPTY! Well, i was the only student in the library that afternoon.

Yesterday, i wanted to continue the same thing i did the day before. However, i gave up. I only stayed there from 1230-230pm. Managed to draw a cute Phoenix from The Worn Path and of course making the notes. I love the Phoenix i drew wor!!! I will scan it and upload it when i have time after exam. Erm, and a sudden blue mood struck me so didn't really manage to study well. Was studying well then suddenly a very familiar feeling engulfed me. :( Closed the books, kept my things, left the library, entered my room, sat on my bed, played guitar, lied on bed, covered myself in blanket, listened to songs, buried my head in my pillow, kept the guitar, took my shower and got ready for CF. It was almost 7pm so i carried the guitar and went to cafe to meet Johnny but later joined Jarul and Zyarfan watching a thrilling movie, so scary man! We watched a clip of Abraham's story in in CF. again. That story just keeps appearing when it shouldn't appear. :( But i know, it appeared because God wants to remind me that again.

Johnny (a gentleman who spoke like a pastor last night, laughed for no reason), with the guitar, ready for a battle. That's not the way you carry guitar lah!

You know what, when i am sad, there will only be two things i will do. Call someone or go to church. First is call someone. I called mom yesterday, just to hear her voice, not wanting to utter a word the feeling that overwhelmed me at that moment. Wanted to talk to Gracie to ask her how was her exam, but she had not reached home. The other thing is go to church, or simply means getting myself closer to people who believe God, and to involve myself in His work. Because through these people or the work He assigned me to do, He speaks to me. (Sometimes you can't really get the answer and response from your prayer. Just be sure that He will always answer. It's just a matter of time 'when', and also how He answers you.)

I always believe that the more you are down, the more you need to come closer to Him. Let Him place his nail-scared hand on your wound, eliminate the pain and heal you. You need to get out from the pool of sadness and embrace in His love. When you are sad, you need to let Him talk to you. God whispers and the world is too loud. By getting closer to Him, i could hear Him speak to me. :)

Today i had English Studies paper. Literature, basically. Woke up early to do the final reading of some of the notes i made. Then suddenly...

"Lecturer wants to see you now. At the gym."
*rolled eyes* What again?? RIGHT NOW? I tried to call the head of the unit to go but he didn't answer the phone. X( The president said it's quite urgent so packed my notes and went. Power-walked there, the lecturer said, "Oh it's okay, you are having test later right? Go first." I was like WHATTTTT? Really wasted my time wor! And i was in charge of banner, why would she ask me to settle the budget stuff. =.=! And then, when i finally sat down and wanted to read through my notes, crumbs! I didn't bring my notes on Phoenix. Sigh.

And guess whaaaaaat? "The Worn Path" was out today in the paper! "The Third and Final Continent", "A Unicorn in the Garden"!!! And also "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"!! "Hawk Roosting"!!! Didn't really answer well enough but i'm satisfied. The only part i am pretty upset with is the structured part where we were asked to identify the tones. Normally i don't have problem with this, but this morning the words just couldn't get out of my head no matter how hard i squeeze it out. :(

Anyways, one last paper to go. The hardest! Social Studies. :( Lotsa memorizing to be done. Quotations, years, statistics, facts, definitions, examples... T.T Hmm, i am contemplating whether to study now and rest earlier tonight or to take a nap now and study tonight after i have recharged. See how it goes later, if really tired then i will grab a nap first.

The days without you,
are hard to past.
Whenever i think of the moments i spent with you,
it makes me miss you even more.
Please come back to me,
as soon as you can.
For you brightened my life,
simply just being here with me.

I miss my phone terribly!!!! :'(

ARGHHH!

Sunday . 7th March 2010

A L E R T !

Help help help! I can't study!! Not that there's too much distraction, but i just cannot sit down and focus. :( I just somehow lost the heart to study. :( Mock is tomorrow. I really wanna excel. But. But. Argh..

I'm not stressed out, but i am frustrated. ;(

Okay, calm down, cool your head. Slowly empty the thoughts. Listen to the sound of river flowing. Listen to the plants talking to each other. Listen to the rhythm of the Nature. The wind is playing a flute, the soft and tiny raindrops are giving the beats for the song...

I gotta pray. Pray for a peaceful and calm mind to study, for an alert brain to remember the things i've learnt, for enough energy to sustain my study throughout.

Okay, let's do it baby. It's only FIVE days. Today, and FOUR days of test.
Once the test started, it will end super fast. Soon you can taste the freedom.
Study well, study well.
Pray hard, pray hard.

我这里的天空很亮了，那里呢？

Spring cleaning

Saturday . 6th March 2010

Good morning!!! Actually i'm supposed to be studying right now. But there's too many thoughts spiraling in my head so i'm here to clear them off a bit so that i can focus on studying. :) Besides, i'm doing my revision too right now. Err, on LDV? :p Aiyo, it has been more than a year i haven't taken any exams. And of course, haven't really sat down and reallllyyy study. I tried, but it's not like Chemistry or Biology which interest me to study them to know more. I...somehow find it real hard to make myself sit down and study now. :( Help...

Today is Saturday already. I guess i only have one afternoon and night (i doubt i could study well) to study. I haven't started Social Studies! Too many quotes and facts to memorize and this really gives me a big headache. =/ English Studies, hmm. So far i have studied once, but i really gotta study study study again. 'Cuz i just can't hit the target i set for myself. Quite disappointed. I have tried very hard already. :( LDS, got 79 for my pre-mock test. highest. ^^ I was quite satisfied with that. Got full mark for 4 sections. Whee! *clap clap* :) I did it without referring to any books. Guess what, i find it LDS the easiest to study amongst the four subjects. Once you get it, you get it. Unlike ES, poems, short stories, drama, novels... Social Studies, tonnes of facts, quotations and statistics to memorize. T.T

I slept around 5am last night. (oops, i mean this early morning) Then woke up around 830am. Had a simple breakfast of milo and crackers. Well, I couldn't sleep last night 'cuz was thinking of stuff. A tsunami of emotions came crashing down upon me, overwhelmed me. How funny things are sometimes. Something which is so simple can develop into such a complicated problem. Few days ago posted this, “为了一个承诺，痴痴地等待。” Then a friend commented, “最怕是根本都没有承诺，还痴痴地等。” So true! Perhaps there wasn't even any promise at the beginning. Tsk.

Finally my banner is up! SO LONG, Nightmare!

Last week was a super duper HECTIC week!! Monday, we had Recreational Sports day. Whole day was packed with activities. The first one was setting up a tent, which we did it last time. My class got the first! We were asked to sketch out the tent and label all the parts. I did the sketching for my group. Wait till i get my sketching back i will scan it and upload here. :) Hence, i told them to address me Agnes Picasso. :p (Picasso's wife.) I was like the architect, sketched a drawing of the tent, then told them what to do, who to do this, who to do that. Aiyo, talking about sketching, it has been a looooong time since i last sketched something. Hmm, suddenly missed it. But i always didn't have the time! :( Such a busy buzzy young girl. Sometimes i wonder are there a lot of things to do, until i'm always so busy? =S Okay, back to the Recreational Sports day. We had a game involving orienteering, woooot I LOVE THIS GAME! We were divided into groups so we're no longer stick to the people in my class only. Joined the other classes. Spoke a lot of BM today. haha. We had to find the next station using the bearing they gave, then rushed to that place, answered a few questions, got the clues and proceed to the next station. RAN IN THE RAIN!!! This was the part i enjoyed the most. Though i dislike rainy days, i have always wanted to run in the rain or dance in the rain, to feel the raindrop hitting gently on your skin. (If it's not a heavy downpour) and guess what! MY TEAM WON!!! :D (Too bad i don't have any photos to show here) Then, we had cooking. I joined the other class for this activity. I cooked cabbage. They commented it has the taste of home and mom! LOL! Made them miss home. :p They also prepared sweet potato soup, bamboo chicken, roti lilit, rice. We got the third for this activity! Ngehehe. Had a great day! :)

Tuesday, had classes. But lecturers didn't enter for the morning slots. If i knew it, i would have slept longer. =.= I called dad to ask him can i skip the afternoon class to go home to study or sleep since the afternoon class was 2 hours only. Dad said NO. :( So i stayed lo. My friends joked, where got people want to skip class still phone daddy to ask for permission. :p Well, i am too obedient. (Excellent example of a good student! hohoho) But luckily i didn't skip eh, if not i couldn't get my LDS paper back. NOt bad, alien got the highest. :p

Wed and Thurs are Sports days. D101, my number. Met a few KPLI friends. Especially that guy! Whom i complained to when i found that my name was not on the list. Then whenever i went to look for him, he would say "Yes, Agnes?" And when i after i finished my relay event, he asked me how was it. Oh yea, he was the one making the banner for the Sports Day, which was the banner below mine. I like meeting new friends! :) 1st day of sports day, i ran for Vic and i almost slipped! O.O Phew. 2nd day, there was live band. I joined for a while. Played drums. XP Looked so cool! Then, i ran for my own event. We got 2nd ah!!! Woot! So excited, so thrilled. First time in my life, first medal from sports day! :D Can you imagine? I wore that all the way until i reached home. :p When i got up the car i happily and proudly showed dad. He was laughing and said in disbelief, "You can run?" =.= Don't underestimate me, papa! I Have hidden potential in me waiting to burst!

happy happy happy!
Victorious and proud faces of my classmates and i.

Live band. By lecturers and seniors.

Taken while i was sitting on the track. The photo is a bit senget =S

I sneaked back home a few times to study. Yeah, to study. But when i got home, i was tempted to watch taiwan drama and Detective Conan. =.= Ended up, didn't study much. OH NO! :( And yeah, i sneaked back home, the procedure to go home is complicated ba, so just sneak out, easier. =X Shhh. Oh well, good girl no more. :p

Friday, class with Mdm Angie in the morning. Then Gamelan practice. So sad :( I'm not playing barung anymore! :( Instead i'm gonna play saron. Initially there're two sets of barung, but some of the tiny gongs are out of tune, so Mdm Chai put all the good ones into one set. Since it's one set, i had to play another one. But i like barung. Oh well...

Last night, was TESL GALA NIGHT at the Banquet. A farewell dinner for the seniors who will be going to UKM this July. Sigh. Farewell. Why do i always have to be the one to send people off? When can someone send me off? I also want to go out from Kuching to explore the world outside. :( Anyways, the dinner. Bathed with olive gel from The Body Shop, made my hair wavy, put on my violet dress, mom's purple scarf from Australia, LANEIGE lip gloss, heels... The good thing is, i didn't spend a cent on this dinner! :) I love my hair last night. Really love it. Cuz it's extra wavy! Thought it would be the last night with my long hair. Posed with electric guitar and the band. Felt like a rock star! Woot! I just started to know a few of the seniors but sadly, they will be leaving soon. :( Those seniors are really nice people! The whole night was great. Of dances, songs, photos, tears, and laughter. I LOVE THE SLIDE SHOW PRESENTATION! Especially the one with the class photo, getting less and less people. It really touched my heart. :( This class is full with talented people. No wonder Mdm Angie kept praising that they are talented group of people.

May, Mimi, Vic, Fiona and Ag

Ag in the mirror, Danny posing.

Before going back, i got one purple balloon for Gracie. :) And one more thing, I just realized something after Fiona commented on my pics. When i smile, my eyes are small. So when she wanted to take pic with me last night, she reminded me, open your eyes wide! If not you'd look as if you are so sleepy. =.=

OvO This will do.

Wait till i get more pics of that night then i will upload more :D
Oh yea, and i can't have my haircut today. No time. :( Gotta study then P&W practice at 4pm, youth tonight. Oooh la la~ Busy busy life. (When life gets busy, sing ooh la la, you'll feel much better :p)

For now, i gotta sign off. Spent too much time here.

STUDY!!! OvO

有这样一个女孩

I found this somewhere in Facebook. Saved it cuz i feel like i'm reading myself. :p

有这样一个女孩，
每你遇见她时，
总会有这样一个感觉，
她很冷漠，不容易被人亲近...
你会有这样的感觉，
那是因为你不了解她，
她善于伪装自己，
不想被陌生人打扰...
一旦你和她混熟了以后，
你才会明白，
其实她比谁都爱说话，
其实她很热心，
往往有什么事情，
她都是第一个在你身边为你打抱不平的人，
她 的内心并没有她的外表那么的冷酷...
又有这样一个女孩，
她有着一张伶牙俐齿，
她很霸道，很多变，
这是每个人对她的印象...
其实，这样的印象是没错的...她的确有着一张伶牙俐齿，
她的确霸道，的确多变，
或许这样的她，
难以让人接近吧，
但这何尝不是她的优点呢？
有着一张伶牙俐齿的她，
或许在说话时，比别人直了些，
但至少她说出来的都是实话，
而不是一些客套的谎言...她很霸道，她很多变，
但她并不做作，她没有心机，
更不会在别人的背后耍些小手段...
这样的女孩，
听起来似乎并不像女孩，
但其实，
在她们的内心世界里，
她们是个不折不扣的小女人...
她们虽然也对自己的他霸道，
但内心深处，她想得比谁都还多，
她总会为自己的他做好一切的打算...虽然她们没有说出口，
但她却是真真切切地在做...真真切切地在为自己的感情勇敢付出及牺牲...
或许她并不温柔，她不会向他撒娇，
但她却是贴心的，
她会在他需要他的时候，
默默地守在他的身边...
这样的女孩，或许并不可爱,但她却很真很真，
但如果遇见这样的女孩，
请你珍惜...

so how true is it?