Of bonsai, dreams, and changes...

I went out with Amy tonight and managed to catch up with each others' life. Studies, spiritual life, friendship, guys, career... It feels good to talk about these stuff after so long! She saved me from my unhealthy social life! I was always the one who was busy all the time and had to turn down many hang-outs. But tonight i made myself available cuz i need to socialize. Seriously, i'm living such an unhealthy social life. Hanging out is good cuz it's like a break for me to pause and reflect on the things happened along the way. :) 

Finally i had my Bonsai! This is just so cool and cute. :) 

Well, tonight, we talked about spiritual life. I gotta admit it's really getting a downhill lately. I tried very hard to reconnect but i kept finding myself going lower and lower. Take for instance, today - Good Friday - it somehow just feels different, it's just like any normal day. Father God, i must have hurt You badly. I tried to continue my daily devotion but it didn't work. I think i need someone, a spiritual partner, to help me out especially in growing strong in faith. I wish for someone whom i could do daily devotion with, someone whom i could share all my experience with God. Someone to discuss Christianity and faith in Christ. Someone to sustain me when i feel like falling off the track and slacking off. And when he/she needs support and motivation, i will try my best to help, or we will both help to get him/her back on track. In this kind of sharing and supporting each other, i believe our faith in Christ will strengthen. But who can be my spiritual partner?

Guys. I felt like as I grow in age, many of my principles for love loose with time. I used to have a long list of criteria for my perfect Mr Right, but now, there're only a few principles left. =/ Few months ago, i felt a strong urge to find someone and settle down. Kinda tired of being 'too free'. I wished that i could just change my status to 'in a relationship' so that i could stop the bees for pursuing after me and not to break more hearts. However, i think God says it is still not the time yet. And this is good - it gives me more time to pray over it and prepare myself to be a better woman for the man He has prepared for me. And this time, i wanna do it RIGHT with God from the start. :)

Career. Basically, i'm okay with it now. In fact, i think i'm falling in love with it! How amazing! I think my mom was really right - we really can learn to love what we do. :) I'll be going off for my very first practicum in April (which is next week!) and i am anticipating it. Somehow i just feel so positive about it and i feel like something good is going to happen! 

This was an activity which i tried out with my lil tuition girl.

(Note: We have read the story prior to this for a few times to get her really familiar with the story, and of course, understand the story.)

1. I drew and cut out the template for her to colour.
2. We made the stick puppets together.
3. We read through the story together using the stick puppets made.
4. She retold the story using the puppets made, without referring to the book.

It was a total success! She enjoyed making the stick puppets, reading the story, and retelling the story!

Church.

Today, i joined Fiona, her mom and sister to Trinity Methodist Church for a change. I've been considering switching to a new church, if possible for one which offers English service. It was not too bad, will try to go for a few times and see how it is.

I need some sports! 

Holidays have been filled with lots of eating, relaxing... i need to sweat. I need to train myself to be better in tennis! Speaking of tennis, yesterday, i was supposed to meet up a new friend for tennis. Unfortunately he had an accident and he was badly injured. I was hoping to meet this person face to face and get to know him better, but looks like it's saved for the other time. :)

Two more days of holidays. :(

Stop, rest, ready, get set, and GO!

It's been awhile. I have been really busy with the hectic schedule in campus, with lectures and the Rooster children's interactive theater coming up. And...I have also been busy fixing up my life and getting myself back on the track. Thank God, i managed to cope with things, and i think i'm getting there. Run the race!

Ready, get set...GO!!!

Change. 

Perhaps you cannot change the situation you are in now, but you can change yourself or change your perception, then change the situation. :) 

Nothing stays permanent. Things change. People change. Change in order to survive.

So don't be afraid to change.

I'm currently reading a very interesting book. :)

I personally think it's a very good book for young people to read before getting into a relationship. Plus, this book talks about the God-desired relationships. I will write a review on it when i've finished reading the book!

Hello 2013!

2012 has passed. 

2013 is here!

It would be too long if i were to reflect on the whole 2012, well, but one thing for sure, God has His reasons behind everything that happened! 

The first week of lectures made me feel like it has been 3 weeks already instead of 3 days! It was so tiring and packed! The lecture itself is in the morning, unless one or two afternoon classes. However, it's the practice after the lectures that really drained me out. This semester we will have to stage a drama as our coursework. That drama would be a very big event where we will also invite children, parents, and teachers outside the campus. Wow. :( In order to make sure that it will (it has to!) be a success, we are already preparing for it during the holidays before this. We gotta memorize scripts and prepare our costumes. And now, most of the afternoons i'd have to stay back for practice. 

Right now, i'm feeling that i might fall sick soon. Having sore throat today and this would be really bad as i need my voice! But i understand i have overworked myself in just these few days. Before lecture started, i was already busy tidying and moving things as i changed my study room's layout and i arranged all my documents, notes, files, and stuff. The study room is now better, more organized. However, there's still a bit more i need to tidy, but i haven't. As lecture started, i slept pass midnight every night, sometimes around 1am and woke up at 530am every morning. That's why i'm really tired. And Saturday is supposed to be a day to get enough rest and replenish my energy, but what happens to today? Tuition all day! The next tuition starts at 3pm.

What about my tennis? Swimming? Jogging? Fellowships? Tuitions?

Well, i guess the challenge for this semester will be how to manage my time smart. To have time for things i need to complete, work, sports, rest, friends, family, myself, and most importantly, God. 

One thing that i wanna thank God is i've started to do devotion every night! :))) I really want to maintain this spiritual connection with God cuz i know the busier i am, the more i need to talk to Him, constantly, everyday! i bought this book at Kinokuniya, and it is superb! It has an article or a story everyday about Christianity, then it has this place for me to write my response, my prayers and my praise. I really love it! "This Morning with God" by Jennifer Rothchild. I wanted to do in the morning but mornings are always rushing, so i am trying to make it a routine to always date and talk to God at night. :)

Get well soon, Aggy! :D

Drifted apart.

In response to something what i feel lately.

Actually wanted to say this for a long time. Don't want to post on Facebook to make a big fuss out of it, or to make people starting to guess who that person is (i know how that feels like). Just suddenly feel that it's better not to get close with someone at the first place. 

The time and effort you put in for someone, were all forgotten. In a blink of eyes, people turned and said you minded their flaws. Well, i don't want to explain more, i'm sure my explanation is not wanted as well (as i have tried), even if i didn't mean the thing but if others thought otherwise. Even if now i'm trying to at least make the first move to save it back, it seems to be no avail. There's no use to save it back anymore, perhaps. Words said, impressions mad (for both parties). I'm not saying i didnt do anything wrong, i made mistakes too, in this.

Perhaps, people just haven't known me truly yet. But i won't say that they're wrong with what they are doing. 

In whatever you do, make sure you are happy! :) Be happy!

Drama's over!

This post is not to condemn anyone, please take note if you are too sensitive. 

Lately, many things happened and they all blew me hard enough. Through this kind of hard times, really opened my eyes to the colours of the world and the masks people are wearing. 

Tolerate.

How much can you tolerate? And until what extent? 

Well, this 'incident' gave me a very hard blow and brought along with it many 'side effects'. It's very easy to destroy others' image eh? However, not to worry, i still hold tight to my promise to God, which is i won't do bad to my enemy. :) At first, i chose to kept silent. However, i guess there're really things where you need to stand up and defend yourself.

I've been struggling between to tell or not to tell. If i don't tell, i will have to carry that 'bad image' unless if people really believe in me (but how many will?). I can't let it continue, truth must be known. If i didn't do it, yes, i will show to you all i did not do it. And in the end, i realized, you won't do a person any better if you only just keep tolerating. Cuz in a way you are encouraging him/her to continue with what he/she did. Everything comes with a lesson. Some learnt it the easy way, some just have to learn it the hard way. Instead of tolerating, it's time i should let the truth come to light. Initially, i have decided to ignore it, but after how serious it has become, no, i am not gonna let it like this. It's concerning my image and my friends. Just because of that, i have lost so much of my precious things, and people. Forgiving is not hating you, but at the same time also letting you realized how it has destroyed other's life. Just because of one untrue story, some immature actions, you've made people labeled me the other way. No, really, i do not hate you, but look, we need to learn things in life. Consequences for what we have done. And what i am doing is not to put you in any bad situation, but to save things back. Or else, i am gonna live in your shadows. 

I'm telling the truth, not a made-up story.

I will put everything back to place. 

The friendships i used to have, the image, and my own self.

Expectations and Reality

Expectations we carry.

The message this photo conveys is exactly how i feel now..it's kinda true, many times i just have to bear the expectations of others. People expect me to be smart, hardworking, good... people expect me to be excellent in everything... Not only other people are putting their expectations on you, most of the time, you yourself are also constantly pressuring yourself with expectations. My result this time, *deep sigh* i can't imagine how bad it will be, but i could feel the day coming...I would be very crushed down in regrets and disappointment. Mom and dad would definitely be very upset over it. But Lord, please teach me not to fall into the trap and fill myself with hatred for the cause of my bad performance in academic. :(

The higher you climbed, the more painful the fall is. :'(

I failed to plan the cushion for my fall and this time the fall hurts so badly. :(

If humans are not born with emotions and feelings, we won't be affected by other people's remarks on us right? Yeap. Then we would be able to concentrate better in things we are supposed to do. Things would be better, way better. And i would still be me. 

if only...

Humans. Feelings. Revenge. Emotions. Ego. Patience. Silence. Happiness. Hatred. Immaturity. Anger. Disappointment. Failure. Chances. 

Second chance.

1st Week of Holiday

Holiday is always nice! Wheehee!
Gayu Guru Gerai Nyamai! :)

Well, just a review of the past semester. :) Here i go.

For this semester, wow...give thanks to the Lord!!! Tears and pain, joy and laughter, ups and downs... He stretched me and made me grow even wiser. :) Who's your life's focus? What's your life's focus? Hrmmm. Worth to ponder on. Thanks and sorry for all. Have a great holiday! :)
*goodbye!*

That was supposed to be my last Facebook shoutout. :) And yes... am going to de-activate my Facebook. So if you read this, just to let you know from today onwards, contact me via mobile phones, email, WhatsApp, or any other alternatives...:)

True enough, this semester was like crazy. It almost drove me insane. Misunderstandings, conflicts, twisted stories here and there... Humans are really complicated... =/ At a point of time, i asked myself the most ironic question, is forgiving something wrong too? Well, it seemed like when i wanted to forgive someone, it may also make others feel bad about me. But, we have to forgive, cuz if our Father God is already such a forgiving God to forgive ALL our sins, why can't we, at least just forgive others for just ONE mistake they made? Yes, i agree, we are not God, but that's the point, if we are not God, then who are we to hold grudges against others?

Another thing would be my studies. It wasn't going on very well cuz most of the time i was very emotionally affected. :( Moreover, some of the lecture styles totally changed! How could we study with just a few pages of notes? Another thing, i am the type of person who benefits from lectures. :( But, well, at tertiary level, you were told to be independent and look for more information yourselves. However, how can we possibly do that, without a certain amount of input or guidelines so that at least we know we are on the right track, or the materials that we found would be appropriate, and so on? Hmmm. Well, still, we have the responsibility to work it out. So can't put the blame on ineffective lectures.

Well, indeed this semester has been another semester for me to stretch myself even more, and to reach to the limits and explore the world around me. It was an eye-opening semester to many things! People, things, faith, prayers, God's plans Vs human's plans...and well, really a lot of things. But really, thank God cuz i could still be here, sane, and typing some really logical things. haha. (there were some points i thought i might become mad) Well, fingers crossed, hopefully next semester would be a better one! :)

One powerful short sharing from a lecturer just the day before semester break is this:

Who are you living for? Are you living for God or people?

Typical Christians' answer: 

God, but we still live in a reality world, and we are constantly judged by others, evaluated by others, of course we have to.......blah.

NO BUT.

*a smack on the face* WOW! I could literally feel a wake up slap! This lecturer was praying for me and this super short sharing was just so wonderful and enlightening! I know, many times, when i declare that i am living for God, i still somehow evaluate myself through other people, in a way i am living to impress them, living for them. However, to say that you can't be affected by people, well, it is of course difficult. You really need a great capacity of patience. Fuuuh! Which i think from young till now, i just cannot. I care too much from the outside, i suppose. Things i do, what would people think of me if i say this, or do that... Well, really need to learn to get back on the right track!

1st week of holiday is gone... TWO more weeks to go! Yeeha! :) 

Stay strong!

Keep fighting!!

Trust in GOD!

In the midst of exam...

It's been a while. (again) 

Actually now i'm having my exam for Semester 3. Time really flies! Can't believe i'm actually here, sitting for my exam and soon, holiday - half a year is gone! Wow. It never fails to amaze me how fast and how easily things can slide when we didn't pay much attention to them. 

I don't feel like sleeping yet so here i am to sprinkle some words. Life has been... :) *smile* Whether it's good or bad, you just gotta smile and go through it strongly, right? :) I personally believe that every problem is God's plan to stretch us, mould us, or sometimes, even have to break us, so that we could be how He wants us to be. A lot of things happened this semester. Scary, unexpected, devastating and more... 

LOVE. 

I never knew a four-letter word could demand so much. So much that you really think you are no one good enough to say you love someone, or you could love someone, or, you have loved someone. 

LOVE is a big word which demands you to OVERLOOK many unpleasant things, words, or actions. Maybe it's something people have done to you, or the words...Sometimes, you just have to be blind to love them. Afterall, love is blind. Haha!

LOVE is a big word which demands you to ACCEPT the past, whether it's your past, the ones you treasure, or the ones whom dislike you. Accept things someone did in the past, even though they are causing pain to you now. Accept your own mistakes, your own past, open a new chapter and start writing again! :)

LOVE is a big word which demands you to FORGIVE. To forgive yourself, and others. Enough with self-pity! If you love yourself, if you love God and love His creation (which is you), stop indulging yourself in self-pity. Forgive yourself, set yourself free. You deserve something way better! God has given us so much more, why choose the bad ones? And this is the hardest part, i have seen people talking about 'forgiveness' yet when it comes to action, we know ourselves how much we can forgive others. It is really hard to forgive, especially when they have hurt you so much, so much. 

LOVE is a big word which demands you to BE PATIENT. If you want to love others, first learn to be patient. How much can you love? How long can you wait? In loving your enemies, how much can you love them? How long can you hold on?

Basically, these are just lessons learnt. *fuuuh~* i have to admit that i am not good at all those, it just seems really hard to LOVE. However, i promised to God i will try. And i really want to try. Not to show to others, but it's my promise to my Father, whom has demonstrated LOVE through His grace and blessings. And yes, sometimes, i feel unfair, i feel frustrated. Why could they do all those things to me yet i had to swallow? It's easy right, i could do the same by unleashing all i felt out. I'm also a human being. I have feelings, too. I can't just keep swallowing. I could just blaaaaaaah and do the same. However, i really don't want to do that. Maybe to others, it's running away; to me, it's running to GOD. Seriously, i admit that it blew me very badly, and yes, there were times i almost broke down and wondered why the test was so difficult. And yes, many times, it just made me feel so unloved... However, when we choose to cast our problems to God, He shows us it can be easy if you cling on to Him. Wait for HIM, in His time, He makes all things perfect. :) And when i draw myself closer to Him, He showed me how much more He loves me than i thought. Thank You, Father God. 

I'm still praying over it. 

I will not break the promise with God.

I'm waiting for God's perfect timing. 

Father God, show me the message behind this mess.

I will wait upon You.

Give space.

It's best to always give someone some space, especially in a relationship. Romantic relationship, family relationship or relationship between friends. You gotta know where the boundary is. If you care too much and that person feels uneasy, then you know it's a sign for you to move back a few steps. When someone feels that his/her personal space is invaded, he/she will move away from the you. When this happens, don't go asking why he/she feels that way. You'll make things worse.

Maybe he/she is someone who doesn't like being cared for too much.
Maybe he/she doesn't like the way you care.
Maybe the care he/she wants is not from you.

宝贵的礼物

很久没有用华文子了。想当年，我是多么享受些华文作文/散文的。如今，简直是没有再用华文写作了。 华人啊！不可撇弃中文啊！哈哈。

今天是星期天。因为担心恩恩去joggerthon会跌倒还是什么的，所以就跟爸爸陪她一起去跑。这个joggerthon 是由华校举办的。 （详细资料，我不知道。） 一大清早就赶呀赶，冲到一中去。 爸爸先放我和恩恩在校门口，就去找停车的地方。 我就牵着恩恩的手，踏入那陌生的地方。 看到一个大婶，牵着一个女孩，心想她应该会知道要去哪里报道。

“嗨！ 请问一下，小学生组别要在哪里集合？”
“噢，在跑道前那里。”
“OK，谢谢你啊！”
“你也是来陪女儿跑啊？”
“Err，是跟我妹妹来的。”
“哦！不是她的妈妈。哈哈，我还以为是个这么年轻的妈妈。嘿嘿！”

=.=||| 是我有一点老啊，还是我看起来像是个早婚的少女?! T^T

唉，就是这么一段非常伤心的对话。心也快碎了。。。

Gracie and daddy.

出乎预料，恩恩的 stamina 很惊人！第三十名啊！是很厉害，很厉害的了！我都输给她了啦！或许真的是有老了一点。 （一点而已！） 不要紧，我会加紧练习，增强体力！是时候该再去游泳了。 刚刚好啊，假期快到了。 再忍一忍！

Joggerthon 过后，爸爸就带我们到咖啡店去吃早餐。 第一次和爸爸一起出去找地方吃早餐。 感觉。。。很开心，很幸福。 ：） 爸爸就点了番茄酱粿条，介绍给我吃。 蛮好吃的。 我点了我的 teh tarik。 三个人早上运动后，一起吃早餐。 ：） 感觉很不错，我很喜欢。

特别是与家人一起。

家人，永远是上帝给我们最好的礼物。 家人，是上帝特别选给我们的。 世上多么多人，而从这么多人中，我们有缘的成为了一家人。 彼此被上帝所连的缘线牵着，就是要我们互相扶持，互相关照，互相疼爱。 ：） 就算整个世界离弃了你，家人还是会在你知道的那个地方等你。 只要你懂得珍惜，你永远会知道那个地方在哪里。 所以，当我很是伤心的时候，我喜欢跟家人在一起。


不管我长得多大了，只要我有需要，我还是可以像个小孩一样回到家中。 像小孩般哭诉，要不就在哪里大哭。 有时他们并不需要知道发生了什么事，但轻声地一句安慰，仿佛再给了我力量。 不需要太多的行动，却足以医治一颗受伤的心灵。 在父母眼里，我们永远都长不大嘛。 所以，他们永远都会在那里保护我们，担心孩子在外头吃了苦，担心孩子熬不了，担心孩子扛不起。 担心得恨不得自己可以帮我们承担一切。 我很喜欢这样的家。 因为他们永远爱我，因为他们永远支持我，因为他们永远接纳我，因为他们不曾嫌弃我。。。

因为他们是无法取代的宝物。

* * *

我呢，就是要做自己。

开心的时候，我要散播快乐的种子； 伤心的时候，我也不会隐藏我的感受。
想笑的时候，我会开心的笑； 想哭的时候，我不会在你面前哭。
（怎样都好，要装坚强啊！哈哈哈！）
但真的不行时，我也不会憋着泪。
逼不得已时，我不会掩盖我一丝的情感，喜怒哀乐是正常的。

想做的，不会再犹豫。
喜欢的，会勇敢去争取。
不喜欢的，休想我去做。
但若不喜欢的，却又真的是该去做的，我。。。会尽力的。

是谁让我想通了这些？
好像是。。。你们吧？ ：）

Go blind.

It's when the whole world go blind, then only people would see each other's heart.

Because it's when we can't see with our eyes, the heart opens its eyes.

Be happy. but not?

You truly wish someone to be happy, but whatever you do is only adding the sorrow to their life, isn't that sad?

You thought that by making yourself happy, you would make other people happy, but in the end, no one is happy at all.

Why did we let this happen?

Why...

Happiness.

Happiness is such a relative term that it sometimes loses definition.

If that someone never comes to you

It's normal everyone will have this feeling. (Unless if you are asexual then i have nothing to say.) So, let's be open-minded! Let's talk something about this. Well, just from what i have thought about lately. If that someone doesn't come to you, just... let go. It'd be a lot better than playing some kinda guessing game and in the end you guessed it all wrong. :)

To save yourself from being fooled by yourself, to save that someone from feeling guilty because he/she can't give you what you want - - just be cool and let go. :) See, by letting go, you become a super hero!

Sooner or later, it will fade away. It's just a feeling after all. It won't stay too long. :)

The friend in my heart, thank you. :)

Growing pains

Few days ago, i was upset seeing the way teenagers handled an activity. I wondered when they would grow up. I wondered when they would be independent on their own. I was puzzled why they were still so naive, so immature...

until i read a comment...

"We don't want to grow up."

It shocked me. It stirred me.

All this while, we kept thinking that growing up was good for them, we kept thinking that they didn't know about life, we kept thinking that they didn't know what responsibility is... Not knowing they actually didn't want it to happen too!

They didn't want to grow up.

They don't want to leave their safety zone yet because the future is unpredictable and they're afraid. They knew the responsibility that one day will be added on to their shoulders. They knew about life, they knew growing up isn't something enjoyable and easy.

I guess
we shouldn't simply judge them
when we actually feel
the same too.

Life's talk.

I've learnt and realized a lot of things lately. At times, i love it when i think a lot. At times, i just hate it. This time, i got the both feelings.

Struggled. Climbed up. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Struggled. Pulled through. :)

At times, life tells you this: It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view.

I'm not saying that this picture is the most beautiful. This thought is actually something i feel lately: When you are tired of your life now, you must not give up. You might wonder where is the wonderful part of life that God wants you to see. Just go a little further, walked a few steps more, climbed a bit more until you reach that point where you could see the beautiful view. It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view. If you haven't, maybe you haven't reached that point yet. :)

* * *

Yellow.
under a yellow light
in a bottle of tiny white stones.

you know you can't live long
yet you stands up straight to tell the world

even if my life ends tomorrow
even my shadows tell me to bend down
i am still going to stand up straight
and embrace each day as it comes.

* * *

i wish...

i could
put on the fairy's wings,
wave my magic wand,
and sprinkle some magic dust on myself when things go bad.

* * *

When life gives you a cup of vanilla milk, add a sweet vanilla smiley to it. -agneslzh-

When you find something happy in your life, don't just be happy. Add a smiley to it and really enjoy it to the fullest. Some of the the happiness don't stay long, you know.

* * *

in times of solitude,
you realize
you actually have everything.

* * *

告诉自己别傻了

Awakening.

Thank You, Lord! I'm Your humble servant knelt upon You here, i want to give thanks for all the things You have given to me. You listen, You care, You cure, and You are always here, for me.

I've walked with You for many years. From an innocent child to a teenager. (i am still, right?)

I'm saved by Your grace, again and again.
I've seen You work in my life.
I've witnessed many miracles happened in You.

Forgive me, Lord.
At times, i lost faith.
At times, i felt weak.
But i did not seek You first.
I followed my instinct and i was getting further and further from You.

I let go of Your hand.

Forgive me, Lord.
I doubted where you are in times of difficulties.
I looked front and back to search for You,
and i thought You were not there when i needed You.
However, i didn't realize -
You were just right beside me.

Yet, i let trouble blind fold me from seeing You.
I let anxieties engulf my heart from feeling Your presence.

Forgive me, Lord.
I was angry at Your plan when undesirable things happened.
I sank into pool of sadness and felt pity for my life.
I wondered if You have been listening to my prayers,
I wondered if You were understanding enough.
Not knowing,
You always have a better plan,
and only You know what the wonderful plan is.

Yet, i just got mad like a child whose favourite candy is snatched by her friend.


At this awakening moment, i confess my sins.
I want to embrace in Your love.
I need You to continue be the lamp to my feet and show the way.
I need You to light up my path slowly as i walk closely with You everyday.

You are the strength when i am weak,
You are the treasure that i seek,
You are my all in all.

When i fall down you pick me up,
when i am dry you fill my cup,
You are my all in all.

- All in All -

I don't understand why things happened at times, but i choose to believe and have faith in You. I don't need to know what is ahead of me right now, all i need is to know my next step. And that very next step, i'm going to walk with You. This time, i will hold Your hand tight.

Thank You, thank You, Lord.

Dance.

Sunday . 4th April 2010

This is something i find it very interesting and meaningful so here i am to share with everyone. The idea is taken from William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.

A dance can be closely related to love, do you know what? :)


Stage 1: Wooing = a Scotch jig

It's a joyous and fast paced dance. It's host and hasty, fantastical.

Wooing, chasing the opposite sex, dating are always filled with joy, excitement...


Stage 2: Wedding = a measure

It's a dance with proper dance steps, proper timing to music. It's mannerly modest, full of state and anciently.

It's slow it's proper, just as weddings are formal.


Stage 3: Marriage = a cinquepace

It's a sequence of five steps followed by a great leap.

There are some times where it is relatively calming; sometimes it comes trouble when you have to take the leap. The subsequent steps will eventually drag you down, ties you down. Imagine walking five steps then jump, five steps then jump, five steps then jump... The hops and jumps symbolize the obstacles and troubles in a marriage. "Marriage is not smooth, it is always filled with problems."

seeing something different.

Monday . 22nd March 2010

Run towards your dream!

Went to a camp, learnt a lot of things!! :) I feel like i have grown a little. :D Praise Lord! Hmm, i actually wanted to type out a lot of things regarding on the camp, it taught me a lot of things. First time cried in a camp listening to real life stories; first time sleeping on a bunk bed (was sleeping on the top alone, very scary i tell you! i didn't know which side to turn to at night. empty beds besides me.); first time shared on photography experience with some adults (they are really nice people); first time had my sand fight (the enemy was ah wei stupid boy who gets jealous easily.); first time took bath with *euuurrrk* erm, water which looked like coffee; first time praising people so many times in four days! Lot's of new things. It was a good try! :)

Good thing, good thing.... here comes the BAD THING! I got bitten by those super poisonous wild insects. The bites are swollen now. Sobs. They are very irritating, itchy, and painful when you touch them. Not again not again not again.

big SIGH.

I learnt to be patient, learnt to praise, learnt to appreciate... And the most important thing i learnt from this camp is about dream. It is always a sensitive issue which will stir my feelings up. However, after this, i think i am going to face it with a stronger heart. I can't just stay like this forever. It's time to change my mindset.

每一个梦想都一定会经过考验。
不要为了盲目地追求自己的梦想而伤害爱你的人。

How true. Eric's sharing touched me a lot, i cried and i realized how self-centered i was. Then, from one of the game in Team Building, there's one game where the whole group had to cross over a string, hand in hand. The sharing and the game were like a wake up knock. They might be wrong at killing me dream, or snatching it away from me. BUT i was even wrong for doing all the things i have done, for saying all the words which hurt them. :(

梦想，梦想。如果到最后弄到其他的人受伤，爱你的人为你心痛，大家都不开心 - - 那么那个梦想到底有什么用啊？曾经很自私地认为所有的人都很坏，不过到最后，自己应该才是那个不迁就别人的人吧？

[I will upload the photos soon in Facebook, maybe next week.]

Holidays are over. SO FAST! It wasn't a holiday anyway. Yesterday went out with Pastor, Ah Wei, Lanny after church to The Hills shopping mall for lunch. After that went out with Amy to watch Alice in the Wonderland 3D!!! It turned out to be a continuation of the story of Alice after she had grown up. I like the last part where there was a modern dance by the hatter.

Alice in the Wonderland

Too bad the time was really not enough, only managed to watch a movie then walked around for awhile. Then Amy's daddy sent me home. I like her daddy. So "young", so funny... hehe. He asked me already got boyfriend or not. I replied 'no' then he said must be daring to look for the one i love, don't wait for him to make the move. If not, the guy will go away. LOL!!! He said now the world has changed; the girls can go after the boys. :) And he says to find the true love, must pray specifically. :) What kinda boy you want - smart, handsome, bla bla...

Anyways, now i'm sooooo busy with things. My life. My studies. Well, i got no time. I have tried, but i think i can't. So, yeah. I dunno if the things i am doing now are giving the wrong signals or what, but just wanna clarify that i'm not planning on anything right now. I just like the time i spent together with you all. Laughing and fooling around. Text you when i am bored. Well, but i still believe in waiting. :) If you want the answer, ask again on my birthday this year. Perhaps I will answer you honestly this year.*

Ooh, and i just got my phone back. Hmm, lost ALL the messages. Well, perhaps, it is an indication, an indication that i should move on and start all over again with nothing. :) Feeling good for this, though i miss the time in the past, though i still want to hold on to the memories. But no no no, i'm gonna let them go, one by one, or all at once. I don't want to be entangled in the past. anymore.

Two exams papers are given back. Kinda disappointed. Will talk about it more after i have gotten all the papers back. Gonna be super busy this week. Lots of things to do, lots of activities, lots of preparation to be done. HEADACHE!

In JUNE holiday, i just want to sit at home, doing nothing, starring aimlessly at the ceiling, asking myself, "what should i do?" :p or perhaps, if i really can't stand the state where i have nothing to do, i will just find something i enjoy doing. Currently have one plan in mind. :D

Next movie...

How to train your dragon :D

A new start.
Goodbye, you!

Nothing Gold Can Stay

[19/01/2010] Today's class was really really tiring! My whole day was packed with activities. Wuiyo, i can't imagine how long could i stand this kinda schedule. Hmm, and today, i've come to a sudden realization that I'm actually nothing you know. I have a lot more to learn. :( Everything is way more than what it seems to be. Okay, i actually planned to sleep now, but thoughts are still running in my mind, jumping here and there, knocking on the wall, they want to be known! And somehow just got these very weird feelings. :S Oh well, grant their wish!

Okay, MONDAY, the debate. Nature Vs. Nurture. Actually Nurture can really win you know. However, they missed out lots of important and killing facts. Besides that, my team, our motion, was supported with solid examples. (The facts i found and i know! ^^) I proudly announce the winner, MY TEAM!!! Woot! NOt bad. ;D I'm happy. It was the first time me joining a debate. It's scary, really! 1st speaker: Faz; 2nd speaker: Agnes; 3rd speaker: Myli. :) Happy working with you all! OOh, and another thing, in the end, almost the whole class was attacking 'Nature'. =/ And after the debate Fiona said it's as if she had just attended a BIO lecture. Lol. I talked too much bio. :p I loveeee BIO, there's simply no way you can make me not to love it. Overall, it was indeed a valuable experience, and yeah, debate is fun!! :D

After that we had quiz on modals. Actually it was supposed to be in the afternoon! But, it's okay, doesn't make much difference, you learnt, then you know how to do. As easy as that. For me, it wasn't hard at all. Quite surprisingly, it was rather easy. Luckily i didn't spend too much time studying it. :P

Today, TUESDAY. Hmm, as i have mentioned the first thing in this post, it's PACKED! :( Okay let's see. (sorry my mind is not really working well now, and i don't really have the heart to type full sentences.) Today we had Mr Nyolet's class, i was quite upset cuz he still has not returned my essay yet. In fact, he has not even marked it yet. :( I waited patiently for two weeks to read the comments for my essay leh. :( Ah, gotta wait for another week then. Alright, during his lesson, we did a poem. A totally unfamiliar poem was given to us and we were asked to find metaphors, issues, themes, and other literary devices in groups.


Nothing Gold Can Stay
Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief.
So dawn goes down to a day,
Nothing gold can stay.

Basically the whole poem tells us that nothing lasts forever, no beauty can be preserved, any living thing will finally die, precious things are always temporary. Then Mr Nyolet was asking what are the issues concerning this poem, i replied "seize every moments while you still have the time". softly. "What? What did you say just now?" he asked. "I think i heard something philosophy. Please say it again." I was a little surprised and happy with the word "philosophy". Ooh, of course it will sound philosophy! Come on, who was the one saying it? huh? huh? :P I said it aloud again and Danny asked for my sentence. Lol. Quoted by Agnes Lee Z.H. 19/02/2010.

Well, this poem reminded me how short can something very precious be. Just like a flower, it blooms and then withers. How short the beauty is! Eden, from the bible, it's like a promise land, you have everything wonderful inside. It's also referring to a happy land, a symbol of happiness, a beautiful garden. BUT. Eden sank to grief too. All the wonderful things are very precious, valuable, meaningful...temporary. Since we can't keep them, why not we appreciate them while we still have them? One day your strength will be lost, you will grow older, you will lose a lot of abilities. So since we are still young right now, why don't we seize every moments, to do something meaningful, to help a friend, to pray for someone, to love, to care and to do many wonderful things which you ought to do before you don't have the time anymore.

At night, was supposed to have dinner in Scotland. T.T CHEESY BAKED RICEEEE!!! :( But i chose to go CF instead of joining church buddies for a dinner and meeting. Aiyo. :( Didn't get to eat my CHEESY . BAKED . RICE . :( I'm sure they had loads of fun tonight. Well, i had a great night too. Again, the topic "TIME" surfaced in CF's sharing tonight. Mdm Chai asked, "What would you do if you only have ONE DAY left on Earth?" this question. this question.Thiiiiiis question. How would you answer? Take your time to really think over it. Actually i have answered this question before, and i remember i asked mun and others. All giving different answers. But at that time the question was if the world is coming to an end soon. BUt for this question, you only know that you are going to die the day before you die, and you only have ONE DAY, just one day to do the things you want, what would you do on that day?

For me, one day is just too short to do the things i want to do. 1st, I want to write letters and give lots of present out for my friends, people i care and love. But one day is definitely not enough for me to do those. Since i can't do that in one day, i will chose my 2nd plan. I would want to hold a big, a really big gathering at my house, or somewhere. I'll invite my family, relatives, all my friends and people i love and people who love me. I will also invite anyone who's interested and willing to go. That whole day, basically i just want to spend my last few hours with them, sing songs together, praise Lord, give thanks to everything we have all this while. Thank my family for giving me such a wonderful place called home. Thank them for being my shelter and refuge that always shield me from troubles. Thank them for their constant support, though they didn't always voice it out, but i know. :) Thank them for giving me love, showing me care, forgetting all my wrongs, bearing with me at home (well, sometimes i could get ticked off easily, very easily) thank them for their sacrifices, and thank them for them. I'm not the Agnes today without them. Of course, i would want to grab the chance to encourage them to continue to walk firmly and closely with God, tell them things i've learnt, things God has taught me through trials, tell them things i wanted to tell them long time ago but due to shyness, i kept them deep down inside my heart. But on that day, i want to let them know everything that is wonderful about them. Cuz they are wonderful. :) Thank you all, for always being there. (Okay, know what my eyes are watery now, feel like crying. haha) Like what mom always says, "It's a blessing form God that we all can become one family." And i love that sentence very much. :)

Next to friends, i would really want to thank all of them, for lending a helpful hand, understanding ears, and shoulders to cry on. Friends are siblings God forgot to give. They are wonderful people you meet out there, coming from different family background, having different types of blood, and different personalities. BUt somehow, they just turned the world special, and warm. :) I would apologize again for any bad things i've done which hurt them. Sometimes i just didnt know what i was doing. And that day, i still have to apologize again even though i have said sorry once upon a time ago.

For all the people who present on that day, i would share my testimonies and all the love and blessings that i have received from God. I have to let them know, because it's just wonderful, being a child of God. I would sing songs of praise to Him, i would glorify Him. Finally, perhaps at the end of the day, when i am ready and am still waiting for Father God to bring me, i will seek for His forgiveness again. Although i have done that before, at that moment, i just want to ask for His forgiveness again, for alllll the bad things i've done throughout my life. And, i want to sing my favourite song 生之颂 with my eyes closed, and sleep until God wakes me up.

Aah, i've planned everything! I didn't even know! LOL! And lastly, i hope, i wont be asking furiously or sadly "WHY?" "WHY ME?" on that day. :) Once in a while, it's good to ponder upon question like this, it will actually make you appreciate things you have. And it teaches you to see things in a different angle and a totally different perspective. Alright. That's enough sharing for today. My energy has really drained out. Need to recharge. I'm going to sleep the moment my head hits the pillow. lol. Tomorrow would be a loooong day to go. 630-730am jogging. 8-10am Softball. 1030-don't know what time: mysterious English Club meeting. 2-430pm English Development. Ah! Have to sleep now.

20/01/2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to bro, Clement and Caveman Ah Wei!
May God continue to bless you all greatly!

absence.