Trau...ma?

I just cannot! :(
I really wonder, why is it always so stressed, tensed and pressured when it comes to playing double for tennis? I just can't face it eh? :( The double match was...aiyo. I tried to calm myself down, self-talked, self-cheered, breathing...but they were all in vain. I just somehow couldn't muster enough confidence to play double. My partner (a new guy whom i do not know the name), asked, 'Why you could play so well just now (single) but double can't?' He knew that i was under pressure. :/ Oh well... somehow just can't throw away the trauma...

sigh.

Trauma.
Trauma.

Yes,
Trauma.

Expectations and Reality

Expectations we carry.

The message this photo conveys is exactly how i feel now..it's kinda true, many times i just have to bear the expectations of others. People expect me to be smart, hardworking, good... people expect me to be excellent in everything... Not only other people are putting their expectations on you, most of the time, you yourself are also constantly pressuring yourself with expectations. My result this time, *deep sigh* i can't imagine how bad it will be, but i could feel the day coming...I would be very crushed down in regrets and disappointment. Mom and dad would definitely be very upset over it. But Lord, please teach me not to fall into the trap and fill myself with hatred for the cause of my bad performance in academic. :(

The higher you climbed, the more painful the fall is. :'(

I failed to plan the cushion for my fall and this time the fall hurts so badly. :(

If humans are not born with emotions and feelings, we won't be affected by other people's remarks on us right? Yeap. Then we would be able to concentrate better in things we are supposed to do. Things would be better, way better. And i would still be me. 

if only...

Humans. Feelings. Revenge. Emotions. Ego. Patience. Silence. Happiness. Hatred. Immaturity. Anger. Disappointment. Failure. Chances. 

Second chance.

A new semester!

A new semester, hopefully a new start, and a new chance. :)

The holiday was really awesome! Totally enjoyed it! The Penang trip was so wonderful and i'm truly grateful towards my friend's parents for bringing us around and treated us with Penang's delicious food and all! Woots! What a memorable trip! :) As for KL trip, it was another fun first shopping trip with the sisters! Love it! The nights at hotel and Hindi movie were all fantastic and superb! (Oh by the way, even watching the fan while lying down could also make us giggle!) I wanted to write an entry on it with the all photos, but my laptop has just been reformatted so i lost my bluetooth and Samsung Kies. In other words, i can't transfer the photos! Boohoo! It's okay, we shall wait then. :) 

Back to campus............................. lectures, assignments, presentations, camps and everything..again! First few days lesson, i was really worn out dy. Lectures from morning until evening! And, i have a presentation tomorrow, descriptive and prescriptive grammar. Question mark, question mark! However, thank God that one was 60% done dy. Gotta continue later after watching TV. :D

Yesterday evening, after lecture, went to clean up the chapel with Alynna, Pet, and Miaw. Love to clean chapel. And i really appreciated the time with them, even though it was just laughing at each other, shouting, talking...it's just so wonderful. I wanted to say a prayer for someone, but i didn't get to say. Hopefully i could say it in this week.

By the way, my brother is back, and his hair is super long! haha!

These few days, i've been thinking that this semester may not be easy. :( It's like a playback of last year. *sigh* Things that happened in particular months and all... they are all coming back, again. They are going to remind me of the painful memories. Brace yourself, girl.

Travelling!

Half way doing packing, I'm almost done with it! :)

This time i will not be bringing Dido... :) Just make it a very simple trip. hehe. One last week of holiday..................................................................................

1st Week of Holiday

Holiday is always nice! Wheehee!
Gayu Guru Gerai Nyamai! :)

Well, just a review of the past semester. :) Here i go.

For this semester, wow...give thanks to the Lord!!! Tears and pain, joy and laughter, ups and downs... He stretched me and made me grow even wiser. :) Who's your life's focus? What's your life's focus? Hrmmm. Worth to ponder on. Thanks and sorry for all. Have a great holiday! :)
*goodbye!*

That was supposed to be my last Facebook shoutout. :) And yes... am going to de-activate my Facebook. So if you read this, just to let you know from today onwards, contact me via mobile phones, email, WhatsApp, or any other alternatives...:)

True enough, this semester was like crazy. It almost drove me insane. Misunderstandings, conflicts, twisted stories here and there... Humans are really complicated... =/ At a point of time, i asked myself the most ironic question, is forgiving something wrong too? Well, it seemed like when i wanted to forgive someone, it may also make others feel bad about me. But, we have to forgive, cuz if our Father God is already such a forgiving God to forgive ALL our sins, why can't we, at least just forgive others for just ONE mistake they made? Yes, i agree, we are not God, but that's the point, if we are not God, then who are we to hold grudges against others?

Another thing would be my studies. It wasn't going on very well cuz most of the time i was very emotionally affected. :( Moreover, some of the lecture styles totally changed! How could we study with just a few pages of notes? Another thing, i am the type of person who benefits from lectures. :( But, well, at tertiary level, you were told to be independent and look for more information yourselves. However, how can we possibly do that, without a certain amount of input or guidelines so that at least we know we are on the right track, or the materials that we found would be appropriate, and so on? Hmmm. Well, still, we have the responsibility to work it out. So can't put the blame on ineffective lectures.

Well, indeed this semester has been another semester for me to stretch myself even more, and to reach to the limits and explore the world around me. It was an eye-opening semester to many things! People, things, faith, prayers, God's plans Vs human's plans...and well, really a lot of things. But really, thank God cuz i could still be here, sane, and typing some really logical things. haha. (there were some points i thought i might become mad) Well, fingers crossed, hopefully next semester would be a better one! :)

One powerful short sharing from a lecturer just the day before semester break is this:

Who are you living for? Are you living for God or people?

Typical Christians' answer: 

God, but we still live in a reality world, and we are constantly judged by others, evaluated by others, of course we have to.......blah.

NO BUT.

*a smack on the face* WOW! I could literally feel a wake up slap! This lecturer was praying for me and this super short sharing was just so wonderful and enlightening! I know, many times, when i declare that i am living for God, i still somehow evaluate myself through other people, in a way i am living to impress them, living for them. However, to say that you can't be affected by people, well, it is of course difficult. You really need a great capacity of patience. Fuuuh! Which i think from young till now, i just cannot. I care too much from the outside, i suppose. Things i do, what would people think of me if i say this, or do that... Well, really need to learn to get back on the right track!

1st week of holiday is gone... TWO more weeks to go! Yeeha! :) 

Stay strong!

Keep fighting!!

Trust in GOD!