To love at all...is to be vulnerable.

Image taken from zenpencils.

The full version of this quote, taken from Lewis’s book, The Four Loves, reads:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

Saying "I love you"...

"I love you"

The three most overused, misunderstood, & misused words.

When, where, why, how and to whom you would say these three words to? Have they been such overly used words that they actually lose their meaning? You say them to a random someone as how you randomly mean them? Why did you take away the valuable meaning behind these three beautiful words? 

'Guys use it like rags and girls desire it like gold.'

Is that it? "I love you" sounds so meaningless. I'm not being a dreamy girl who over fantasises about love but I never ever once think that "I love you" should be taken for granted. To me, "I love you" comes with a commitment. "I love you" is not your hello-s nor goodbye-s unless the person you say to means something to you. 

You really shouldn't say "I love you" unless you mean it. 

I don't know about others, in my opinion, no matter how westernized someone is, "I love you" should be used with care and good purpose. Never say them when you don't mean it at all, especially when you use them to banter with opposite sex. I personally feel guys who use these three words a lot without meaning them are just so cheap. Call me old-fashioned, but i do feel there are a lot more other better expressions in the English language which are more suitable and appropriate to use rather than "I love you". 

Guys, in particular, should be more careful with the use of these three words. They can either magically heal or devastatingly hurt the girls. If you don't mean anything, don't use them too often that you might send the wrong signals or you might actually degrade yourselves when other people look at the way you interact with girls. Never take "I love you" for granted - you don't mean what you say, but the ones receiving it don't read your minds. So you really can't blame it fully on girls who take "I love you" seriously and get your message wrong at the end of the day. 

Why not save them for the right person who deserve them the most?

Keeping those three words until the moment you say it to the person you truly love and who truly deserves those three words - how wonderful and beautiful that would be! It would be so meaningful as those words are saved for the person. You wouldn't find a compliment meaningful to you when you know it has been going around everywhere to anyone before it comes to you, would you? And if you compare, having received a compliment that is only for you, how wonderful it would make you feel? 

So, guys and girls, save your "I love you" to the ones who truly deserve it, and to the ones you really mean it to.

Soul-searching, self-reevaluating...

Yes! This is another night where i just couldn't help but feeding myself with unhealthy and heart-breaking activities and making myself getting very very emotional. Sigh! This was what I would do when I had too much time, huh? Perhaps lil Vanessa should come for tuition tonight, or perhaps, i should have gone out and hang out with my girlfriends. Any perhaps but sitting in front of the laptop, eyes glued on the screen, reading and reading some not-so-important-matters. And in the end, i got so stirred up and i'm suddenly feeling so low. 

When I first started blogging, i used to pour everything (and trust me, i mean everything - even the most random thing!) into the blog. I wrote everything that i felt. But then I stopped as I grew slightly more mature. I started to believe that writing feelings out was something very childish, and only emo people would do it. Also, i believed that it somehow proved a negative character of a person or his capabilities to handle and manage problems. And at times, i thought it seemed pathetic as if i had no one to talk to that i'm talking, wait, it's not even talking, that i'm typing it out to a *pause* non-living thing. But i would say NO to that idea again, for now. Venting it out in blogs is therapeutic! Well, for me, I must admit I'm not a very verbal person, my thoughts are more composed when I write them out. Of course I do talk things out and I enjoy doing that, just that somehow it is only effective when I'm talking to the right person. Anyway, so now, I'm back and I still believe in typing things out, documenting every part of my life. After all, this blog is rather private so I suppose I would feel safe here to let out my inner thoughts, any of my confusion, my fear, my worries, my silly dreams, my embarrassing moments...anything.

Isn't it scary that you let go of your confidence just because of the false negative judgements you have on yourself? Worse is, those judgements are made based on how others perceive you, or even what you think others would think of you. Where is your self-worth? You are worth so much more, my dear. However, gaining back the confidence after losing it can take quite some time, and great effort, and constant boost of positive-ness. I need to gain back my confidence! I need to be the confident Agnes back!

I believe i look good. Thus, I am good, and i can be good!

Another thing which frustrates me is that I really never learn to say "NO". I'm always very interested in everything and want to be part of as many things as i could. Yes, I do benefit from participating actively in meaningful activities, but at the same time, i am also wearing myself down. I always forgot the fact that I am a human - a human with flesh, a human with limitations. I guess I've always had the picture of an Iron Woman or some octopus-like wonder woman, or  someone who can split herself when I try to imagine myself. 

Practice saying 'no'. No, no, no...

So the over-ambitious thought of what I could do and what I want to do always brings along with it unnecessary stress and sacrifice of my precious free time. And all these will later become my complaints. 

What's bugging me now?

I've agreed to help out as an adjudicator for Swinburne debate competition tomorrow. It will be a Saturday, and it's the Saturday, the break, i have been longing for for the whole week. I am not sure if i have made the wise decision of spending my whole Saturday there. Well, i hope I would be able to learn something from it as well. I think I will be bringing my camera and perhaps record some sessions to show to my students. Since I have already agreed, I would better just make the best of it. :) Be positive, yes? 

Next, is of course, my Scheme of Work, lesson plans, journal entry, teaching aids...which have to be completed by the end of this weekend. *scream* And i don't really have time. Seriously, why did I make myself so busy with so many things? (See, there goes the complaints.) SIGH! Well, i guess it's another not-enough-rest weekend for me! Embrace it, Aggy!

Then...is that. But i won't elaborate much here. 

Hrmmm. That's all for this post. Feeling slightly better, even though nothing has been solved yet, but at least i've got the attitude fixed. Blogging does help. 

OKAY~ 

A beautiful tomorrow awaits me!

lingering thoughts...

I really dislike it when i delay sprinkling my thoughts here and finding it difficult to type what i wanted to record down in this blog. Anyway, some of the thoughts which keep lingering on my mind:

I want to stop humiliating myself by all the stupid thoughts and actions. 

I must be more independent. 

I must be an emotionally and spiritually strong lady.

I want to be better.

I am not weak, and you can't hurt me. 

I will fight through it strongly!

Keep shining, but don't get burned out.
Keep believing, but don't dream too much.

Yes, you can accomplish so much more than this.
Yes, you deserve so much more than this.

Keep loving, even though it hurts.
Keep doing, even though it seems the same.
Keep hoping, even though there ain't a clue. 
Keep giving, but know that there's a limit.

One day, God will reveal the reasons
and everything will be crystal clear.

The Time of My Life

Another wonderful, insightful, thought-provoking, inspiring and magical book by my favourite author, Cecelia Ahern! I really love her books. Her books never fail to let me enjoy the simple yet wonderful joy of reading. I finished reading this book last Monday, but I wasn't free to write about it. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and feelings after reading it.

Here is the synopsis:

Lucy Silchester has an appointment with her life – and she’s going to have to keep it.

Lying on Lucy Silchester’s carpet one day when she returns from work is a gold envelope. Inside is an invitation – to a meeting with Life. Her life. It turns out she's been ignoring it and it needs to meet with her face to face.

It sounds peculiar, but Lucy’s read about this in a magazine. Anyway, she can’t make the date: she’s much too busy despising her job, skipping out on her friends and avoiding her family.

But Lucy’s life isn’t what it seems. Some of the choices she’s made – and stories she’s told – aren’t what they seem either. From the moment she meets the man who introduces himself as her life, her stubborn half-truths are going to be revealed in all their glory – unless Lucy learns to tell the truth about what really matters to her.

(Taken from Cecelia Ahern's webpage.)

"Are you taking your life for granted?"

Well, honestly I would say that most of the time, I took my life for granted. Comforting and lying to myself that "it's only for this time" never solve the problem. This gets worse especially when I get busy. Too busy for myself! Too busy until I could hardly breath! This gruelling schedule is suffocating! Do they sound familiar? Sometimes we really need to stop being so busy, pause, and pay attention to all the good things/people we missed out along the way. Our life isn't just about ourselves. Our lives include our beloved ones, friends, and family too. Often I took them for granted, especially my family, when I got so tied up with the activities I was involved in, or in other people. Well, this book is certainly a wake-up call for me to stop taking my life for granted. Stop neglecting life.

Find someone who is interested in your life. 

Be with someone who is not only just interested in you, your ability, your physical characteristics, your personalities. If a person really loves you, he or she will be interested in your life. Afterall, our life is what makes us, our life is what we constantly fall back on, our life is what defines us. How can someone not be interested in your life yet claims to be interested in you. So if you love someone, know more about the person, know his or her life, accept his or her life, love his or her life, and be part of his or her life.

Final words from the book:

As long as you're around, your life is too. So just as you shower love and affection and attention on the husbands, wives, parents, children and forever friends who surround you, you have to do so equally with your life, because it's yours, it's you, and it's always there rooting for you, cheering you on, even when you feel like you can't do it.

I gave up on my life for a while, but what I've learned is that even when that happens and especially when that happens, life never gives up on you. Mine didn't. And we'll be there for each other until those final moments when we will look at each other and say, "Thanks for staying until the end."

Very beautiful and heart-warming! I give it 10 out of 10!

Relationships?

What do humans want from a relationship? Some people want companionship; some people want love; some people want security; some people want acceptance; some people want fame…what do you want?

Love hurts.

Love is not having or owning someone - that is possession.
Love is not afraid of losing the other person - that is fear.

LOVE IS PROTECTING the person from your dark sides and all the hurt that will crush that person into pieces which you could never ever be able to fix again. 

And this means no hiding, no lies.
This means overcoming your dark sides and be a good person.
This means doing the right things that will not hurt the other one.
This means always be honest, always be truthful.
 
All these show how much the other person means to you.


So don't ever say that you love someone if you can't even protect that person.

The novel which won the most tearul novel, so far!

Reflection on the novel 'The Best of Me' by Nicholas Sparks:

What Tuck has written in the letter for Dawson and Amanda really touched me. Dealing with relationship, some may find ourselves lost, stuck in between choices, and sometimes, even disappointed for whatever choices we have made in the past. And often than not, we make the not-so-right decision when we are confused.

The love between Tuck and his wife, Clara was also a touching love story as love continued on even when one passed away, Tuck could still feel her presence every time whenever he embraced in the memories of them together. And their love soothed the pain Tuck had to go through after the loss of his dearly loved wife.

There is really love that keeps to its promise when one said "I give you the best of me".

There could be a person whom claimed that he loves you, and he will do until the end, only loving you.

There are people whose right to love and live with their true loves is taken away just because of social status, or even family history. 

There is also love when you know you could stay to give the person you love the best he/she needs, yet at the same time the best for him/her or you is for you to walk away.

The ending... 

(i leave it for you, don't wanna be a spoiler! :P)

Affairs.

Used to have one true love....

Agnes and violin...

As time goes by, i started to grow interest in other things. I wanted to achieve more. 

Piano, guitar, ukulele, flute...

lots and lots...

Sometimes i wonder, am i talented enough to learn all? Cuz i really hope i could. I enjoy the joy different kinds of musical instruments brought me. However, am i too ambitious? Am i too distracted and hence fail to focus on just one thing?

Tonight, i realized that i am far from good in playing piano, which i claimed as my forte. :( Perhaps, i have abandoned it for a long time, the feelings faded a bit. After the practice just now, i feel that the skill and knowledge i have for piano is just the surface level. There's still lots of things i haven't mastered. Feel rather ashamed in front of others. =/ and a little stressed.

They are good.

I feel like it's back to the first time when i wanted to play piano. It's when i saw people could play so well, and i wished i could play like them too. I wondered since young, why didn't my parents send me fr violin class or piano class... But i believe it's not to late to begin again now, is it?

During this year end's long holiday, 

i have decided to do something...for my dreams. :)

In the midst of exam...

It's been a while. (again) 

Actually now i'm having my exam for Semester 3. Time really flies! Can't believe i'm actually here, sitting for my exam and soon, holiday - half a year is gone! Wow. It never fails to amaze me how fast and how easily things can slide when we didn't pay much attention to them. 

I don't feel like sleeping yet so here i am to sprinkle some words. Life has been... :) *smile* Whether it's good or bad, you just gotta smile and go through it strongly, right? :) I personally believe that every problem is God's plan to stretch us, mould us, or sometimes, even have to break us, so that we could be how He wants us to be. A lot of things happened this semester. Scary, unexpected, devastating and more... 

LOVE. 

I never knew a four-letter word could demand so much. So much that you really think you are no one good enough to say you love someone, or you could love someone, or, you have loved someone. 

LOVE is a big word which demands you to OVERLOOK many unpleasant things, words, or actions. Maybe it's something people have done to you, or the words...Sometimes, you just have to be blind to love them. Afterall, love is blind. Haha!

LOVE is a big word which demands you to ACCEPT the past, whether it's your past, the ones you treasure, or the ones whom dislike you. Accept things someone did in the past, even though they are causing pain to you now. Accept your own mistakes, your own past, open a new chapter and start writing again! :)

LOVE is a big word which demands you to FORGIVE. To forgive yourself, and others. Enough with self-pity! If you love yourself, if you love God and love His creation (which is you), stop indulging yourself in self-pity. Forgive yourself, set yourself free. You deserve something way better! God has given us so much more, why choose the bad ones? And this is the hardest part, i have seen people talking about 'forgiveness' yet when it comes to action, we know ourselves how much we can forgive others. It is really hard to forgive, especially when they have hurt you so much, so much. 

LOVE is a big word which demands you to BE PATIENT. If you want to love others, first learn to be patient. How much can you love? How long can you wait? In loving your enemies, how much can you love them? How long can you hold on?

Basically, these are just lessons learnt. *fuuuh~* i have to admit that i am not good at all those, it just seems really hard to LOVE. However, i promised to God i will try. And i really want to try. Not to show to others, but it's my promise to my Father, whom has demonstrated LOVE through His grace and blessings. And yes, sometimes, i feel unfair, i feel frustrated. Why could they do all those things to me yet i had to swallow? It's easy right, i could do the same by unleashing all i felt out. I'm also a human being. I have feelings, too. I can't just keep swallowing. I could just blaaaaaaah and do the same. However, i really don't want to do that. Maybe to others, it's running away; to me, it's running to GOD. Seriously, i admit that it blew me very badly, and yes, there were times i almost broke down and wondered why the test was so difficult. And yes, many times, it just made me feel so unloved... However, when we choose to cast our problems to God, He shows us it can be easy if you cling on to Him. Wait for HIM, in His time, He makes all things perfect. :) And when i draw myself closer to Him, He showed me how much more He loves me than i thought. Thank You, Father God. 

I'm still praying over it. 

I will not break the promise with God.

I'm waiting for God's perfect timing. 

Father God, show me the message behind this mess.

I will wait upon You.

Hello October!

Hello October, it has been a while!!! I've never expected i would abandon the blog this long. I thought of recording down every life's wonderful, or sad happenings. At least there is something for me to read on my life. Or at least i could inspire people through my life. But, really terribly sorry. I was so busy with things. :(

Anyway, gonna poof again.


Before that, i want to say this:

I really thank God for all the things i have received so freely for Him, and all the times He has forgiven me. :) The awesome friends and people He put into my life. They way He makes people connected to one another - through family, siblings, friendship, bananaboat *wink to my banana partner*, special relationship, special friends... and all. :) God is indeed good. He has His plans.

Keep trusting God!

RESPECT

Respect is a lesson that everyone should learn
Respect must be given before an expected return
Respect is something that’s given for free
Respect is about us and never about me
Respect is the basis on which relationships are founded
Respect is the anchor that keeps a person well grounded
Respect builds the character and defines who we are
Respect sets the standard and raises the bar
Respect is magnanimous and helps to fulfill
Respect is the partner that sits with good will
Respect is like honey so sweet it’s perceived
Respect a taste to savour for when it’s received

Create Date : Monday, July 06, 2009
Don Wilson

Why is it so difficult? RESPECT. That's the only thing i ask from you.

Trust.

Actually,
sometimes you really just gotta believe what you feel.
and have faith. :)

Glad that everything is crystal clear now. :)

Thanks and sorry! :))))

TWO.

Ever wonder why God gives us two?

A right hand to show the left what to do.
One ear to listen and one to hear
the problems of others,
their laughter and fears.

One eye to watch and one to behold
the beautiful treasures
that life has to hold.

One foot to travel and one to stand tall.
Two feet to land on if we should fall.

One man to stand by a woman's side;
One woman to cherish being his bride.

The love between partners
comes shining through
and that is the reason
God has made two.

It's great to have you around. :)

Haiku - Sweet love.

Did you ever know?
Your presence sweetened my life.
Oh, when love creeps in.

ag.nes 01.06.2011

Funny.

Life is just so funny.

I just wanna walk away and leave everything behind.

You would only come to realize how precious something/somebody is when you lose that something/somebody.

It's so true. So true.

Connected.

All humans, we are connected. By love, by pain, and sometimes even by tragedies or events. Each one of us travels a very specific and unique path, yet we are linked by experiences and emotions.

In this connectedness, there is life.

两个人

两个人，

在一起，
要一起学习，
要一起付出，
要一起包容，
要一起忍耐，
要一起坚持，
走下去。

可以吗？

Post-assignments Entry!

Finally! At last! The day i have been waiting for is here! Let's see, i had four sleepless nights in just two weeks. (including last night) And i slept late every night, around 3am.

Four assignments! All done!

Last night, after swimming, i was rushing through my research paper. It was my very first time doing a research paper. It was pretty tough, i got lost for a few times and even thought of giving up. Luckily i didn't! Thank God that He granted me wisdom and perseverance to endure the whole night and produced a, um, i would say that it's brilliant (for the first time, must give encouragement!) research paper. And for the first time too, i did all the citations and referencing myself! :) Agnes, you deserve a round of applause for the effort. :)

I could have gone to bed and grab some sleep since class starts at 930am today, but it's just an hour plus only, so might as well sprinkle something here. :) I wanted to drop by to post something, but i was always caught up with something else.

I somehow feel that the time passed rather fast these two weeks, perhaps it's because of the assignments, research, and all those... or perhaps. it's because of... :) Anyway, i think i need to slow down my pace, i've been so eager to walk so fast that i'm afraid i might miss the beautiful scenery along the road. :) It's time to stop running, and stroll...

... or eventually stop.
for awhile.

I'm tired now nonetheless feeling very relieved. At last, the load is taken off. :) Today, later, after lecture, i would be going out with friends to do what a too-free-student should do. :) Karaoke, window shopping, steamboat... ♥

Something about love.

这样下去， 好吗？
I don't know...

My accessories.

:D