To love at all...is to be vulnerable.

Image taken from zenpencils.

The full version of this quote, taken from Lewis’s book, The Four Loves, reads:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

Saying "I love you"...

"I love you"

The three most overused, misunderstood, & misused words.

When, where, why, how and to whom you would say these three words to? Have they been such overly used words that they actually lose their meaning? You say them to a random someone as how you randomly mean them? Why did you take away the valuable meaning behind these three beautiful words? 

'Guys use it like rags and girls desire it like gold.'

Is that it? "I love you" sounds so meaningless. I'm not being a dreamy girl who over fantasises about love but I never ever once think that "I love you" should be taken for granted. To me, "I love you" comes with a commitment. "I love you" is not your hello-s nor goodbye-s unless the person you say to means something to you. 

You really shouldn't say "I love you" unless you mean it. 

I don't know about others, in my opinion, no matter how westernized someone is, "I love you" should be used with care and good purpose. Never say them when you don't mean it at all, especially when you use them to banter with opposite sex. I personally feel guys who use these three words a lot without meaning them are just so cheap. Call me old-fashioned, but i do feel there are a lot more other better expressions in the English language which are more suitable and appropriate to use rather than "I love you". 

Guys, in particular, should be more careful with the use of these three words. They can either magically heal or devastatingly hurt the girls. If you don't mean anything, don't use them too often that you might send the wrong signals or you might actually degrade yourselves when other people look at the way you interact with girls. Never take "I love you" for granted - you don't mean what you say, but the ones receiving it don't read your minds. So you really can't blame it fully on girls who take "I love you" seriously and get your message wrong at the end of the day. 

Why not save them for the right person who deserve them the most?

Keeping those three words until the moment you say it to the person you truly love and who truly deserves those three words - how wonderful and beautiful that would be! It would be so meaningful as those words are saved for the person. You wouldn't find a compliment meaningful to you when you know it has been going around everywhere to anyone before it comes to you, would you? And if you compare, having received a compliment that is only for you, how wonderful it would make you feel? 

So, guys and girls, save your "I love you" to the ones who truly deserve it, and to the ones you really mean it to.

宝贵的礼物

很久没有用华文子了。想当年，我是多么享受些华文作文/散文的。如今，简直是没有再用华文写作了。 华人啊！不可撇弃中文啊！哈哈。

今天是星期天。因为担心恩恩去joggerthon会跌倒还是什么的，所以就跟爸爸陪她一起去跑。这个joggerthon 是由华校举办的。 （详细资料，我不知道。） 一大清早就赶呀赶，冲到一中去。 爸爸先放我和恩恩在校门口，就去找停车的地方。 我就牵着恩恩的手，踏入那陌生的地方。 看到一个大婶，牵着一个女孩，心想她应该会知道要去哪里报道。

“嗨！ 请问一下，小学生组别要在哪里集合？”
“噢，在跑道前那里。”
“OK，谢谢你啊！”
“你也是来陪女儿跑啊？”
“Err，是跟我妹妹来的。”
“哦！不是她的妈妈。哈哈，我还以为是个这么年轻的妈妈。嘿嘿！”

=.=||| 是我有一点老啊，还是我看起来像是个早婚的少女?! T^T

唉，就是这么一段非常伤心的对话。心也快碎了。。。

Gracie and daddy.

出乎预料，恩恩的 stamina 很惊人！第三十名啊！是很厉害，很厉害的了！我都输给她了啦！或许真的是有老了一点。 （一点而已！） 不要紧，我会加紧练习，增强体力！是时候该再去游泳了。 刚刚好啊，假期快到了。 再忍一忍！

Joggerthon 过后，爸爸就带我们到咖啡店去吃早餐。 第一次和爸爸一起出去找地方吃早餐。 感觉。。。很开心，很幸福。 ：） 爸爸就点了番茄酱粿条，介绍给我吃。 蛮好吃的。 我点了我的 teh tarik。 三个人早上运动后，一起吃早餐。 ：） 感觉很不错，我很喜欢。

特别是与家人一起。

家人，永远是上帝给我们最好的礼物。 家人，是上帝特别选给我们的。 世上多么多人，而从这么多人中，我们有缘的成为了一家人。 彼此被上帝所连的缘线牵着，就是要我们互相扶持，互相关照，互相疼爱。 ：） 就算整个世界离弃了你，家人还是会在你知道的那个地方等你。 只要你懂得珍惜，你永远会知道那个地方在哪里。 所以，当我很是伤心的时候，我喜欢跟家人在一起。


不管我长得多大了，只要我有需要，我还是可以像个小孩一样回到家中。 像小孩般哭诉，要不就在哪里大哭。 有时他们并不需要知道发生了什么事，但轻声地一句安慰，仿佛再给了我力量。 不需要太多的行动，却足以医治一颗受伤的心灵。 在父母眼里，我们永远都长不大嘛。 所以，他们永远都会在那里保护我们，担心孩子在外头吃了苦，担心孩子熬不了，担心孩子扛不起。 担心得恨不得自己可以帮我们承担一切。 我很喜欢这样的家。 因为他们永远爱我，因为他们永远支持我，因为他们永远接纳我，因为他们不曾嫌弃我。。。

因为他们是无法取代的宝物。

* * *

我呢，就是要做自己。

开心的时候，我要散播快乐的种子； 伤心的时候，我也不会隐藏我的感受。
想笑的时候，我会开心的笑； 想哭的时候，我不会在你面前哭。
（怎样都好，要装坚强啊！哈哈哈！）
但真的不行时，我也不会憋着泪。
逼不得已时，我不会掩盖我一丝的情感，喜怒哀乐是正常的。

想做的，不会再犹豫。
喜欢的，会勇敢去争取。
不喜欢的，休想我去做。
但若不喜欢的，却又真的是该去做的，我。。。会尽力的。

是谁让我想通了这些？
好像是。。。你们吧？ ：）

Go blind.

It's when the whole world go blind, then only people would see each other's heart.

Because it's when we can't see with our eyes, the heart opens its eyes.

Happiness.

Happiness is such a relative term that it sometimes loses definition.

If that someone never comes to you

It's normal everyone will have this feeling. (Unless if you are asexual then i have nothing to say.) So, let's be open-minded! Let's talk something about this. Well, just from what i have thought about lately. If that someone doesn't come to you, just... let go. It'd be a lot better than playing some kinda guessing game and in the end you guessed it all wrong. :)

To save yourself from being fooled by yourself, to save that someone from feeling guilty because he/she can't give you what you want - - just be cool and let go. :) See, by letting go, you become a super hero!

Sooner or later, it will fade away. It's just a feeling after all. It won't stay too long. :)

The friend in my heart, thank you. :)

Life's talk.

I've learnt and realized a lot of things lately. At times, i love it when i think a lot. At times, i just hate it. This time, i got the both feelings.

Struggled. Climbed up. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Fell. Struggled. Struggled. Pulled through. :)

At times, life tells you this: It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view.

I'm not saying that this picture is the most beautiful. This thought is actually something i feel lately: When you are tired of your life now, you must not give up. You might wonder where is the wonderful part of life that God wants you to see. Just go a little further, walked a few steps more, climbed a bit more until you reach that point where you could see the beautiful view. It's only when you have climbed high enough, you get the most beautiful view. If you haven't, maybe you haven't reached that point yet. :)

* * *

Yellow.
under a yellow light
in a bottle of tiny white stones.

you know you can't live long
yet you stands up straight to tell the world

even if my life ends tomorrow
even my shadows tell me to bend down
i am still going to stand up straight
and embrace each day as it comes.

* * *

i wish...

i could
put on the fairy's wings,
wave my magic wand,
and sprinkle some magic dust on myself when things go bad.

* * *

When life gives you a cup of vanilla milk, add a sweet vanilla smiley to it. -agneslzh-

When you find something happy in your life, don't just be happy. Add a smiley to it and really enjoy it to the fullest. Some of the the happiness don't stay long, you know.

* * *

in times of solitude,
you realize
you actually have everything.

* * *

告诉自己别傻了

Guardian angel.

Some people walked into your life,
drew rainbows and made everything perfect,
accompanied you through the scariest storm,
shielded you from the rain,
warmed you when it's cold,
listened to you when you're lonely,
talked to you to make you feel good,
cared for you to make you feel loved,
did everything to just to make you laugh,
stayed with you when you were about to cry,
lighted up the path, reminded you to cling on to God,
guided when you were lost,
just like a guardian angel,
made you see a different you,
a special you,
a strong you,
a beautiful you,
a cheerful you,
a wonderful you.

But all of a sudden the guardian angel just left.
Leaving all the wonderful things behind for you -
beautiful yet empty.

You still see his shadow once in a while,
in places where he left traces,
in places where he sprinkled magic dust.

They walked out,
leaving the beautiful sad memories behind.

男生们，请别轻易爱上这种女孩

因为：

她独立，好强，宁愿忍受太多的寂寞和痛苦也不愿向别人提起。

其实骨子里，渴望有一个避风港湾，让她去依靠。但她不会承 认。

她必须确定那个人是否可以承受得了这一切，承受她的撒娇、 她的无理取闹，她的倔强，她的悲观，她所有的性格缺陷，且对 她永远不离不弃。

只有这样，她才放心，可以放心去继续做自己，不会害怕有一天 将要面对失去。

如果没有，那么她只好继续寂寞和孤独。

她会和每个异性朋友大声说笑，无所顾忌。但是，当他们向她表 达爱意时，她却开始像刺猬一样，保护自己。

她对爱情没有安全感，也不会给别人安全感。

其实她要的并不多，只是一个对的人，一个温暖的家。这对她 来说太重要了，虽然在她口中说出来的却是:我不需要爱情。

当你紧张她的异性朋友，她会一面跟你说，他只是我的谁谁谁， 却一面偷偷在意你的感受……

她会希望现在的他是怎样怎样的，有各种各样的挑剔苛求的条 件。她只不过是想要一个用努力来证明爱她的人，她不求结果， 只希望你有那份心。

对她们而言,唯一具备杀伤力的只有感情，感情如果受到挫折， 要么毁了她们，要么成就了她们。从此更加漠然，专注于事业。

她分手后绝不会在人面前要死要活，她嬉笑怒闹，变得更加开 朗。在听到朋友说有关他的话题时，从不刻意回避，她适当 参与，淡然微笑，她的表现总会遭人怀疑这段感情的深浅， 而人群中只有那些知道背后情节的人才看见她背后的眼泪和努 力。

她会在不开心的时候，放声大哭。这对她来说，是一种释放。

即使在你爱着她的时候，她也会胡思乱想让自己悲伤。

如果你看到她的眼泪，请相信这绝不是她在博取同情，这是她这 样一颗内心骄傲的女子不得已的场景。

她想对你负责，对她负责，对自己的过去和未来负责，但请你不 要轻易给她承诺和誓言。她很难相信。

即使她很难相信，但她还是会选择等待。

她的伤初始浓烈似酒，很快就会变为一杯水，却让水渗入生活， 成为点点滴滴，她选择在其中淡定，在其中沉默和内伤。

她就是这样，强势，霸道，任性，不会讨人欢心，死要面子，她 爱朋友多过你……

她最有保护欲，最强势，最敏感，最暴躁，最善变，最没耐心， 最冲动，最耐不住寂寞却又喜欢假惺惺地让自己一个人呆着。

有时候她又充满阳光的气息，爱笑爱说话，活蹦乱跳，乐观开 朗……

她很自私，只愿意与人同甘，不愿意让别人跟她共苦，她不想成 为别人的负担……

她喜欢热闹，总会成为聚会的焦点，前提是她想。

她也享受孤独，会静坐在一个人的房间听着很伤感的音乐。

她也会一整天呆在房间里心情压抑低落，但第二天一早起来， 又会轻轻松松地打理一切，慌慌忙忙地往外冲。

她习惯在人前表现得很坚强，一副大女子主义的模样。

她会想，遇到真正懂她爱她宠她的人,她就一定就会很安静， 心甘情愿地安静下来，不烦，不闹，按时吃饭，按时睡觉，按时 做一切能安心和他一起做的事情。

她从不轻言爱，她的爱很沉默，那并非是因为她缺少那份勇气， 在她的心里有一道栅栏，那就是自尊。

她看得比生命更尊贵的自尊。

如果有一个这样的女孩对你说她爱你，那就代表在她的心里你的 份量胜过了她的自尊。

你不了解她，不懂她的好，就别爱她。

她会在真正爱她的人面前卸掉所有的盔甲和伪装，做个幸福的小 女人。

她不忙的时候会希望每天缠着你，偶尔无理取闹地要你陪着她， 希望你的所有行动都让她知道，因为在她心里，你就是她的……

她也会幻想，在遇到真正的他时,会在他累的时候悄悄熬上点营 养粥，然后送到他跟前，静静地看着他喝完。

她在你面前永远调皮捣蛋，偶尔撒撒娇，跟你玩小孩子的游戏， 在你朋友面前从来大方得体，微笑地依偎在你身边。

她不让你给她买这买那，她会说，我啊，是大女人，不喜欢小 男人给我买单……但是心里却会为你私自买给她的礼物而暗自开 心，因为女人觉得那是你的宠爱。

她在意的是你的心，你若真心，她必然实意。最起码你得表现得 真心,能让她感觉得到。

她会经常冒出些新鲜的想法来调剂生活，她的多变有时会让你不 安。

终有一天,她的敏感在你的呵护下慢慢消失不见，她的倔强被你 的保护软化，她的伪装在你面前被轻易识穿……

得到她，别骄傲，因为没有人可以吃定她。她是完美主义，对感 情，容不得一点瑕疵。

只有懂她的人，才会得到她的好。

她有时是有些迟钝的，在感情方面，但有时很敏感，因为她在 乎。

所以，别爱这样的女孩，她太骄傲，太偏激，太粗心，又太敏 感，太难伺候，太不温柔……

如果你没勇气，没能力可以坚持爱她，就不要打扰她。

因为如果你会离开，她的心将会永远冰封，再也不会为任何人打 开……


Hmmm. The girl... sounds like. . . :) Too alike! Hear here!

老鹰，小蓝鸟与猫头鹰。

老鹰常常和小蓝鸟玩。 老鹰喜欢小蓝鸟，喜欢它的天真，单纯，高贵，清爽，快乐，大方，声音。。。 小蓝鸟也很喜欢与老鹰玩耍，但其实小蓝鸟更注意的是在另一颗树上神秘的猫头鹰。小蓝鸟常在想为何它总很神秘，很想掀开它的面纱。小蓝鸟常在想深夜的它，在想些什么；也常在想如果猫头鹰可以像老鹰那样，该多好。

过后，小蓝鸟常早起身，这样可以看见醒着的猫头鹰，说不定还可以跟它谈天。因为在太阳起身后，猫头鹰就会去睡觉了。即使猫头鹰没有跟它说话，小蓝鸟也习惯了在一旁静静地看着猫头鹰，静静地等它。但是这样的生活让小蓝鸟觉得很累。

或许，它们的世界真的差别太远了。

Dance.

Sunday . 4th April 2010

This is something i find it very interesting and meaningful so here i am to share with everyone. The idea is taken from William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.

A dance can be closely related to love, do you know what? :)


Stage 1: Wooing = a Scotch jig

It's a joyous and fast paced dance. It's host and hasty, fantastical.

Wooing, chasing the opposite sex, dating are always filled with joy, excitement...


Stage 2: Wedding = a measure

It's a dance with proper dance steps, proper timing to music. It's mannerly modest, full of state and anciently.

It's slow it's proper, just as weddings are formal.


Stage 3: Marriage = a cinquepace

It's a sequence of five steps followed by a great leap.

There are some times where it is relatively calming; sometimes it comes trouble when you have to take the leap. The subsequent steps will eventually drag you down, ties you down. Imagine walking five steps then jump, five steps then jump, five steps then jump... The hops and jumps symbolize the obstacles and troubles in a marriage. "Marriage is not smooth, it is always filled with problems."

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

by Maya Angelou


The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down its narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings for freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

* * *

Being a free bird...

A free bird has all the freedom it wants. It can fly freely to anywhere its wings take it to. It can explore the world, search for its food, soar in the sky, fly above the sea, meet other birds...

"he calls to the sky his own"
the entire sky is its home - unbounded by anything.

Being a caged bird...

A caged bird doesn't have the opportunity to see the world beyond the bars. Its wings are clipped, feet are tied. Due to the narrow space of the cage, its movement is severely restricted.

"bars of rage" refers to the cage.
Why rage? Because the bird is angry - it is trapped - it is held against its will.

A caged bird sings with a fearful thrill.

rage + fear = a great deal of insecurity, unhappiness and anger

Rage: (anger) being caged, trapped, its freedom is denied

Fear: of never being free, of being harmed

"grave of dreams" : again, it's another metaphor for the cage

Here, it provokes another issue -
it's merely alive, not living.

The caged bird has no freewill, it has nothing to look forward to, all of its dreams are doomed to die.

Being alive: physical state of existence

Living: enjoying life, living life to the fullest

"his shadow shouts a nightmare scream"
the caged bird is merely alive. Its very existence is like that of a shadow - no form, nothing concrete. The caged bird lives in a cage (the "grave of dreams") and so it has no real forms, no real importance.

so that even its most frightening scream is silent.

"the things unknown but longed for still"
"sings of freedom"
The two lines suggest that the caged bird has never known freedom, never known what life beyond the bars is like. Yet, it has a deep longing for freedom. A poignant desire for freedom.

"so he opens his throat to sing"
Its voice = sad + fear + anger + sorrow
This is the only part of the bird that can 'fly' - it is the one things that the bird can set free!

* * *

I was deeply stirred by this poem when i studied it. Wanted to share it but I always didn't have the time to do so. Somehow, i feel for the bird, it's just a bird but it sounds so like someone. Having dreams unfulfilled without even trying, it feels utterly mortally awful. However, life still rolls on ey? Whether you like it or not, you are still gonna live it.

Merely alive or living? Aah, that's another problem again.

of insects and life

Watching insects. Isn't it a funny thing? Don't we all do it too sometimes? Or haven't we done that in the past?

1) Bees:

How could it fly with its big fat body and a pair of gossamer wings? How do the bees know which flower's nectar to collect for making honey?


2) Scorpions:

These insects are small, but a venomous sting of it could kill you. So you still think that you are bigger than them and they are just nothing?


3) Millipedes:

Creepy crawlies with thousands of legs. The question now is, how can they walk with so many legs and won't fall? Won't their legs knock on each other, causing problems to the millipedes?


4) Ants:

Have you ever had the experience watching a line of ants go marching by, carrying their food? They are only supported by 6 weak, thin and thread-liked legs and how did they carry things so much times bigger than them? How did they do that? Having such a tiny body yet they have such an impressing strength? How?

And do you remember there was a time when you were playing as a God? You saw this marching ants going by and you gave them Red Sea by splashing a few drops of water? Yet these ants got scattered at first, but everything turned back to normal after a while and they passed the Red Sea?

And, there were sometimes, you put a Himalaya and see how they scattered around nervously, panicking. However, in the end, things still went back to normal and they were still marching. Or at times, you feel so generous that you sprinkled some sugar and the ants were so happy that they see oasis?



Have you ever watched them and wondered what the purpose of living is? Or thinking of a simple question "What is life all about?"

Have you realized the miraculous artwork of God in creating all these insects? and also His other creations? God made everything so special in their own ways.

Everything which seems to be so impossible is never impossible in Him.

You might think that the gossamer wings don't have the power to even lift a bee up, what more to say fly a bee in the air with a fast speed? Well, those two pieces of gossamer and thin wings are stronger than you might have thought. You might think that having many annoying legs moving together will make the millipedes fall, but just look at them - they walk fine. You might think that you are small, but who knows you could do big? You might think that as you add more deterrents to the ants, they will go crazy and on the hot bricks. But you see, their endurance and determination made them through the obstacles.

When He puts a trouble in your life, He gives you the strength to overcome it at the same time.

Even though you are grieving, the world still rolls on. Just because you are depressed, the Sun won't stop shinning and the moon wont stop orbiting the Earth; God won't shut other people's mouths from mentioning your sorrows, He won't make them smile-less because you don't want to see other people smiling when you are in the amidst of sadness. So throw your grief away, it's never good to keep them.

let go the grief,
embrace God's grace.