Eyes on Me

I love this song form Final Fantasy VIII. And if you are reading this, this is for you.

Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy?
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you?

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I want to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I love your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know That I had mine on you?

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than the dress and the voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

A very lovely song. Find it a little melancholic as well. Oh well, this kinda song is my favourite. :)

Retreat Camp at Gunung Gading

Joined my YA's retreat camp which was held at Gunung Gading, two days one night. First trip to there for myself. It was, a memorable experience. (And a very saddening one! My cyber-shot phone wasn't with me! sobs) Anyways, not much to say about the camp, my brain could hardly think of anything now. =/

Last night, after BBQ and sharing, it's the typical stayed-up night. With Hui Hui, Ambrose, Lanny and ah wei in the living room. We slept around 430 when everyone was so weak of laughing non-stop. I had my gastric attack which was really torturing. T.T In the end, Hui Hui went into the bedroom to sleep, only me - a girl - left in the living room with the guys. I didn't know at first cuz i fell asleep on the sofa. It was really really cold! I was forcing myself to sleep, without a blanket! I slept around 5am, then woke up around 630am. Massaging my feet, hoping they would get warmer. Seriously, my feet were as cold as ice! and painful! Gosh... Hmm. And you, thanks for keeping me warm. :)

I looked out the window since i couldn't sleep (due to the gastric pain), and i saw the guard coming. Ambrose, ah wei them joked that the guard must have seen me. LOL. Imagine. You are patrolling, and you saw a head looking at you, from a window of one of the chalet. How would you feel? Gosh. I dare not to imagine. My weak heart can't take any shock. :p

I was wearing my hat today for the jungle trail. The girls commented that i looked like a Korean. Wooh. Happy :) Here are the photos i took with my 2mp normal phone.

waterfall

I love the sound of water cascading.

Finding its bud, in vain. However, will be back here after two weeks to catch a view of a blossoming Rafflesia. :)

Green. The light effect is good. I love the sun rays penetrated through the leaves.

take 2.

In a nutshell, the camp was really enjoyable. Relaxing. :) They are planning to go for another camp, (more of holiday camp, i dunno.) at Batang Ai Resort and guess what? We'd be staying in a six-star hotel! Woot! Year end... save money save money. (earn money? maybe i need that.)

MOCK exam in a week!!! O_O Not really stressed out yet but i'm worried i am running out of time. I wanted to study but my brain is not in a good condition to study now. All i want is just - SLEEP. I still feel sleepy although i took a long nap straight after i had reached home. Zz. Aah. tired tired. exhausted.

I have fallen in love...
with a song! Will tell you guys next time. I wish i could sing it while playing piano. and record it! :p

something really upsetting:
it seems that it just brings hurt more than happiness now.
so i have decided.
to do what's right
and to let go what's not worth it.
because i can't keep running away,
i have to face it someday
and the day is here. :)

semibreve rest.
a temporary rest or an eternal rest for a song?

The end of nightmare, PLEASE!

Shoo shoo shoo! NOw that i'm done dy, please just go away and leave me alone!

Don't give me anymore trouble.

TUESDAY:
Morning, went to see the lecturer to pass her the soft copy, then went off to class. During the last class of the day, which was Miss Yus's, we spent most of the time walking around the classroom and talking, chit-chatting. Well, we had done our essay the night before and showed Miss Yus right after she entered the class. Then we helped Maz with the invitation cards for the lecturers who we are going to invite. After that, we went to the departments to give out the invitation 't-shirts'. Mdm Angie said it was creative! ^^ AHAHAHAHA. Of course lah. Where did the idea come from? From who? :p

After whole day of class, which was around 430pm, I received an SMS from the lecturer to go and see her. I went and she said she couldn't open the file. Fine. She asked me to rush back to take my lappy. Fine. So i ran back, got my laptop and ran there. The back of my shirt was all sweat. That's fine too. Showed her the final banner design. She said, "OK! Quickly send to the shop and make sure the banner is up by Thursday." It was almost 5pm, and Data Print would be closing at 6pm. How am i gonna rush there? 5pm, for sure traffic jam near Saberkas there. If i ask daddy to come, by the time he fought through the traffic, it would be almost 6pm. HOW? Ran here ran there, called here called there. In the end, my friends saw me in great distress so they accompanied me to walk to Saberkas. (I don't like to walk to Saberkas but no choice.) Reached there, a lot of formatting stuff was done. Stood at the shop with my lappy until 6 20pm. Luckily the tauke was kind enough to let me do that. Oh yea, he was my daddy's classmate. He said i could collect it the second day's evening. After that, four hungry girls went to HK Noodles House to take away dinner. While waiting for dad, we walked around aimlessly. Dad called and said he'll be late. We looked at each other, literally hearing each other's stomach growling fiercely. (I didn't had my lunch, so i was really really hungry.) So we went back to the restaurant, told the lady and we sat at a corner to savour our dinner. Finally. Perhaps the cook knew who the person ordering the fried rice was. My fried rice, was in a big portion. Wow! But i couldn't finish it. Shared with Fiona, yet still have some left for daddy. Daddy came and drove us back. So basically that's Tuesday - a torturing day. (Just imagine! I had been power walking all day!) But i slept at 1am. =X

WEDNESDAY:
Morning, softball as usual. I learnt how to hit the ball high and far instead of bunting. :) Pretty cool. Hey, i looked cool i bet, while swinging the bat. Uiiit! Slant rhyme! Ngahaha. Then we had CNY party, had some time with our lecturers. Afternoon, i started to work on my assignments but was too tired. And so i took a nap, really tired. Then Jacq called, said the tauke in the printing shop asked me to reduce the size of the dpi to make my file smaller and i had to send to him again by 6pm. ARGH! Called Andy for help, luckily got Andy. Phew. Thanks ya Andy. :) While waiting for Photoshop to save my file, i dozed off again. Then a message woke me up. Mdm Chai wanted to see me for Gamelan arrangement. It was 3pm. I sighed and replied to meet her at 430pm. So again, i quickly saved the files, took a bath, and rushed to the office to meet her.

After meeting her, she gave me a lift to the traffic lights near Saberkas. I jumped down and walked to Saberkas, alone. :( While i was walking, my phone rang. "Hello! Where are you going ah?" *tried not to look back* "You are somewhere here is it?" "Yealoh." NICK. haha. After sending the file, i was so relieved that it was finally accepted. Great! :) I was so lucky that i bumped into a senior in CF. So we waited for uncle's van together. The whole journey was him 'proposing' me. =.= "Agnes, just now you said you will marry me oh" (i did not) Then the van drove past St Joseph Church, he turned to me, "Agnes, let's go down. We have arrived at the destination." I was like. Whaaaat? *rolled eyes* Haha. He's funny, though.

At night, we had Aerodancia in school. I helped my class's dancers with the face painting.

Wanted to buy crayons but they are out of stock, so these will do just fine. :)

Sarawak - black, yellow, red

I was rushing through the painting because we didn't have much time left.

With my art work after the performance. (IGNORE the red eyes effect =/ ) Actually i wanted to draw on my face too, but didn't have time! :( You know, they really danced well, so synchronized. Frankly speaking, i don't see why they could not even get a prize. :( We all put in so much effort. Some did not even know how to dance, but could dance so well on the stage that night. Their hard work had paid off. :) Check out my facebook for the video k? :)

Slept at 3am this morning. Was trying to fix my phone after i've completed my assignment. Gahh! So sad. My phone spoilt. :( How can i take pictures next time? T.T Nooooo! By the way, i'm going for YA retreat camp tomorrow at Gunung Gading. Two days one night. The saddest thing is i can't take picture!!! T.T And please let my phone be okay, i can't afford to lose the messages inside. :( Today, was a really tiring and sleepy day. Whole day couldn't really concentrate. Kept dozing off. How i wished i had invisible cellophane tape to make my eyes open. We were briefed on the coming mock exam. O_O It's near! One more week! So much things to study, haven't started any yet. Oh gosh, Agnes, study! And.... finally..... we got the banner. It's ENORMOUSLY GIGANTIC!! I'm pretty upset. :( Okay. Well, at least it's OVER right now. (I really hope so!) I WILL NOT do this in the future. Well, at least not these few years. Another good news - i'm gonna play gamelan in this coming convo which falls on 20th April! So excited! :)

Next week...
Sunday - teaching Sunday school teenagers (first day) :D
Monday - Recreational Sports Programme.
Tuesday - whole day intense tutorials and revisions i suppose.
Wed & Thurs - Sports day. (Joining 100m relay)
Friday - Mdm Angie's class & Gala Night Dinner at the Banquet.

You see, i don't really have enough time to study. =S sigh.

Gonna take bath now and start packing. I plan to retire earlier tonight. Been sleeping real late and insufficiently until i think ageing is in the process. =/ Stay young, sleep early! :)

P/s: Again, please pray that i won't get bitten by any bugs.

mutual understanding.

going crazy!

Monday. So not in a mood to start school. 730am-3pm.

Social Studies Assignments. Gotta redo. Sigh oh sigh.

During class. Received a text message from timmy's mom.

"...wonder if you have time to give Tim chinese tuition. I will pay you more..."

PAY...MORE. Money. $ Eyes widened. Money.

DSLR CAMERA, I'm getting you!

Got back my ES full paper. Only five out of seventeen passed the ES paper. I passed, one of the two top scorers! Ngehehe. Still got lots more room to improve though. One section got 19/20 wheehehehe. Lowest mark which pulled my mark down is 8/20 on my poem essay. Mdm Angie said it's too brief. O.O Can't blame myself for that, i didn't even know the format and things to write. It was the first time i did an essay on poem and i wasn't taught how so i really didn't know how to write a good one. It's okay. Remember the 19/20, work harder and no more 8/20!

ES Poem test, again. "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" again. Tensed for one whole hour. Test finished. Relieved.

Got back my assignments for poem. Double digit. Both are the same - Chinese's lucky number. Then saw others'. Smiles faded. Ah.

Tidying things. Received a call.

"Hey agnes, lecturer wants to see the original file of the banner now."
"Right now? No way, i'm going back home. I'll email her later."

In the car. Received a text message from PE teacher in the car.

"Hai Agnes. Latest info. Banner has to be done in BM. Can you change it? TQ."

*SCREAM. SHOUT* but with no voice.

Rushed back home.

*URGH!* NO electricity = no internet connection.

Went to search for food. Acar with keropok. "Rubbish" food. I didn't care and didn't seem to remember that i had a diarrhoea just days ago. (But the diarrhoea wasn't caused by food poisoning leh. I didn't even step out of the house starting from 3rd day of CNY and didn't really eat anything too.) Mom came in.

"You haven't had your lunch?"
"No." Sighed.

Checked phone. One missed call from violin teacher. Sheesh! Missed her call.

Found this book at home. Macbeth. Shakespeare's. An old book. MOm's. Precious treasure? A-ha. Reminds me of my play. Script's progress : 10%

so slow so slow.

Tummy went wrong again.

Gotta print my essays. Drop by photocopy shop to collect gracie's stuff and to photocopy things. 6pm gotta get ready for camp meeting at church.

Ooolala~ Rushing rushing rushing.

Life starts again.

I don't wanna care.

Thoughts

Actually, i don't have the urge to update my blog. But then since i have the time before my busy life starts again, i will quickly update it. Just some random thoughts in my mind though. heh.

不一样了，冷淡了，漠不关心了，无所谓了，不在乎了，走远了。
refers to you, you and you. haih yo.
You changed, you too. And you.
different feeling. less talking. less chemistry.
Why can't i be the one who changes, instead of being the one who feels the changes?
I wish i could go somewhere too, and come back . different.

一个阴影，好想解释。不是我。可是会有用吗？

为何现在还在挣扎？早早都该挣扎了可是那时却站不稳。
O Lord, teach me how to endure all this.
Guide me when i lost my way.
Hold my hand when i stumble.

多希望你知道。这样的话，至少不会这么辛苦。
可是你知道后又会怎样叻？我看还是算了。

很累，很累。

My dad's colleague passed away during this CNY. He was on a bus and when he passed away. The family didn't even expect it to happen. They didn't even know that he actually had some heart problem. Things beyond humans' confines. We can never know when will we leave. Who knows we might not even able to say a goodbye cuz we ourselves didn't expect it too. Treasure everything, everyone you have now. (Sorry, talking about this thing during CNY. But it's life, it happens anytime. Just something i strongly felt to share.)

我知道现在的情景不怎么乐观，但我必须相信希望的曙光很快就会洒落。
虽然挫折重重，但我必须继续走，继续奔跑这条道路。
虽然现在是不快乐，但我不能消沉。
要相信！要坚信！要有盼望！要忍耐！要等待！

要学会更爱自己多一点。:)

letting go... :)

CNY

Aaah. Sad sad sad. I thought it would be a wonderful new year, with everyone gathers together. Guess things have changed a lot ey. It's unlike before. Starting from the 3rd day of CNY, i didn't even step out of the house. So, you can imagine my CNY. =.=

A CNY with less visiting. A CNY with assignments. T.T FIVE assignments, one banner. That banner, sigh! dunno killed how many of my brain cells. And today, sigh. Body pains, bones ache, diarrhoea from morning. nausea. Headache. and was developing a fever, luckily it has subsided now.

Photos from visiting.

at my place

ah yiing's place

meet my new friend!

I dunno what happened, but this girl grew taller! (or did i experience a decline in growth?) and she's so fair! (Oh i used to be fair, but dated too many outdoor activities. =.= now i have the sporty skin tone.)

Geral (photographer) in action!

I took this i took this! nice leh. Actually got a video clip on this special firework display. Why special? 'Cuz it has heart shapes!!! Really! ♥
and see how GIGANTIC it was?

The guys. The fireworks looked like...

Starwars lightsabers!

This reminded me of how much i want this!!! A pair of lightsaber chopsticks!
(To add in to my collection.)

at Evan's place

The effect is not really good. =/

Visiting mom's colleague, Ms Hazel's mansion!
(I called it glass house.)

I've taken a lot of photos of the interior design actually.
This is one of them.
Swimming pool!!! I want to have a house like hers!
I'm collecting inspiration for my future house. :p

awesome!

Pssst! I want a DSLR!

new banner. It's actually quite similar to the first one which i have done right. =.= But then the measurement changed, so have to redo everything. Gahh! But frankly speaking, it is not as nice as the first one. And just look at it, the space is uneven. There's a space just beside the tent while the 'series series' thingy had to squeeze near compass. Oh well. I DON'T CARE. So glad that it's finally done now. GOODBYE, SO LONG, my nightmare! I shall never, ever, EVER touch any banner design for school! It gave me so much stress. Uh...

19th FEBRUARY 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TIT!!! :)

CNY eve

I'm so full~ :) Had a hearty reunion dinner at my place. It's so good to have everyone gather together again. This year i am going to treat this new year special! Just now, i took note of the whole reunion dinner. You know, the greatest thing about reunion dinner is REUNION, of course! haha! Everyone sat down together and ate. Talked, laughed... Just now the TV was on, we were all eating, some sitting on sofa, some eating in the dining room. We talked so loudly to fight the TV. It's cute and funny. If we wanted to talk, why didn't we turn off the TV? haha. Funny. Then unk was playing with his Canon dslr. *envy!* After getting bored with it, he took out his LUMIX wide screen camera, placed it in a corner of the house, recorded us! Candid shots! x) Okay, it's already very noisy now, i wonder how would i survive later. sigh. I want peace!

Was helping mom in the kitchen and doing some final cleaning. Mom was cooking while i was wiping the washed dishes. I told mom, "I feel like one of the worker at the kopitiam, sitting on the floor, with a big pail of wet plates." Mom joked, "Oh i don't think you would be working there. I believe they won't want such a slow worker like you. Hurry up and dry the plates." ...speechless...

Reunion dinner. 13 main dishes altogether.

The week before CNY, was really really. BAD. lived like a bee! :(

buzz! I really hate how busyness took over my life. :( Busy with school stuff. Gah. FIVE assignments due after CNY, ES full paper test again right after CNY, banner due...SOON. (actually is today but i think i can't finish it.) So sickening! The banner that i did, i have to REDO! And do you know how much time it took me to come out with that banner? How could they... sobs. It's not easy to do the banner! And so now, frankly speaking, I HATE DOING THE DESIGN OVER AGAIN! (Which is actually the major reason why i keep procrastinating - i just can't bring myself to do it!) Why can't they just hire someone professional to do it? What's the problem with the measurement? They didn't tell me it was not appropriate when we handed in our proposal. Sheesh! Yes, i study there. But it doesn't mean i have given my soul, my time, my energy and everything to it ok? sigh! My CNY, so-called one week holiday.

Shopping.

Gracie and i [tHe Spring, Kuching. 12/02/2010]

Preparation for CNY

Look! I removed my piano cover. :) Replaced it with a simple pink cover, and i placed the flower on top of it. Looks very neat huh. :)

Gracie, playing piano.

14th February 2010

CHINESE NEW YEAR! Happy ROAR year!

ROAR!

and of course... VALENTINE'S DAY!

LOVE.

And as we all know. Tomorrow is not only Chinese New Year, but it's also Valentine's Day. I wonder... Hmm. (Allow me to be emo for a while. Actually, not being emo la, just telling something what i've seen and felt.)

Few nights ago, i was on the phone with a friend. We talked about this topic. Heh. Just suddenly felt like typing it out here. (erm, maybe not much of an intense feeling. I wrote something on this every valentine's day.) Alright. I don't know if this is stupid or not, but personally, i strongly feel that it's stupid. How do you know if it's worth it? A sign! Yeah, a sign. But sometimes, people are just too afraid to step forward; too reluctant to show their feelings from obscurity. Or. People are just not confident enough to make the move?

Perhaps.

So all you do is keep waiting by the phone, hoping each time the phone beeps, it's the text message from that someone; hoping each time the phone rings, it's the call from that someone. You know, sometimes, a little lie is needed to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. Maybe that's why, that person is telling you the lie. He/she doesn't want to get hurt. Hurt from? You. You just gotta feel it with your heart to find the truth behind the lies. Not all lies are meant intentionally. Sometimes, it's said just to shield ourselves.

我一直都在这里。
虽然你从不知道，但我不会走远。
只要你仔细倾听，我在为你弹琴；
只要你抬起头来，你就会看到我。

Wuiseh! I think i should change my profession to a writer, poet or something la. xD haha. Actually heard something which sounds like that recently. Can't remember everything, so i just typed out whatever i think it's about, and added in mine. Who knows i can write songs too one day? (actually i have written, a few.)

My collections.

I love this! I love the angle of this pic. :)

Thinking of love~

The purple candle is really lovely, isn't it? :)

Alright. The fireworks and the firecrackers are making loud sounds now. Gotta iron clothes then sleep. I'm tired. tired tired tired. Banner still hasn't started. sigh. I'll be tomorrow Sunday church service pianist. Actually was so busy with stuff, really a lot to do. Sigh. Next time, i will learn to say 'no' though i really have the heart to help. I really can't manage la. Rushing here and there. Running out of time. :( I . . . need a break.

Happy Chinese New Year to you all!

This year i won't be sending CNY text messages, so i'm wishing you here. Have a prosperous tiger year. May God bless you all. Live the spirit of a tiger! ROAR!

Plucking daisy's petals.