decision making

i was actually trying to post something here while reading the last chapter of the book when i accidentally fell asleep on bed...with lappy on, the novel still in my hand! Guess i was really tired last night. Nights ago i had some conversations which left me stirred. Don't feel like talking lately. Actually am feeling nothing in myself, not too delighted, not too dejected. Hard to tell. i dunno what's all this! Ah never mind. It takes time.

[Entry, date and time auto-saved without content. Now it's actually 29th Dec 09 10:00 am]

(Don't you think they both look similar?)

HOORAY! I finally........finally..........finished The Mango Season just now!! Yay! Been procrastinating when reading it 'cuz at first didnt find it any interesting. But towards the end of the story, felt something similar so kept on reading till the end. Hmm, basically this whole novel is about Indian's arranged marriage where parents and even grandparents would be the ones who choose the future spouse for their children or grandchildren. In this decision making, the younger ones have no right to object. Most of them'll just have to follow what the adults chose. Pretty sad huh.

Priya, an Indian girl who went to study in US, met an American and they both fell in love with each other. They were engaged and started living together for 2 years. One day, it's finally time to go back to India because she had run out of excuses not to go back to India. Back at home, Priya's family was worried that she had not found her life partner yet, and the fact that she'd be too old to be married if they don't do something panicked them. Priya wanted to tell the family about Nick, the one she loved. But she was scared that her traditional family would turn away from her for wanting to marry a foreigner. Priya had no choice but to go for this bride-seeing ceremony which she felt it's just like cow for sale kinda thing where you have the family from the 'boy' coming over to assess you if you could be a good wife. The oh-so-perfect Indian man whom her parents had chosen for her, Adrash was good looking, high educated, earn insane amount of money every year, and the most important thing, he's an Indian. Every adults in the family, especially her parents thought that they had now made the best-est choice and found the most perfect one for her daughter.

After seeing Priya, Adrash was interested and soon had proposed. Priya knew that if she didn't do something to stop this, she would have betrayed Nick who was waiting for her in US. But if she continues to go with what her parents had planned, in the end she would lose Nick. She wanted to fight for herself and Nick, for her happiness. She wanted to tell her family so badly, but at the same time, she feared that her family wouldn't love her anymore, she was afraid that she would ruin her family's name, break everyone's heart. She's afraid that she can't be a perfect daughter or a granddaughter and no one in the family would love her anymore. After several reluctance, she finally told the whole family about Nick and that they were getting married soon once she got back to US. This devastating news hurt her family so deeply. Her father stood up, threw a line, "You hurt me, Priya." and left without saying where's he going to. She had never seen her father reacting like this before. The relatives and parents were upset too.

After several dilemmas and distress, her father finally agreed. Her father apologized, and said that he should trust Priya for her choice. His daughter was a smart girl, and she knew what's best for her life. So with the green light from her father, things got easier. After several attempts of persuading, the adults finally nodded their heads, though some of them were still not really happy with it. At least in the end, both her parents were okay with it.

This is just a brief summary of the whole story from me. At first i got so confused with the family members, a lot of them! But luckily in the end, sorted them out. If not i'd be reading towards the end then suddenly ask myself, is Nanna the father or the mother? or is Jayant the grandfather or the uncle. Luckily the characters become less complicated towards the end. But, the whole story becomes complicated towards the end. At least, in the end Priya made it through, standing firm on her legs, fighting for what her hearts really want.

Fighting for one's happiness.

Hmm. Parents always wanted the best for their children, that's an undeniable truth. Parents often think that what they choose, will be the best for their children. And sometimes, they would say "Just look! This so and so that so and so followed their parents' decision obediently, now they are living what a wonderful life. Whereas that so and so refused to obey their parents, now look, living in such a pity life. If they listened to their parents, they would have...bla bla bla. That's the consequence of being stubborn. Look at them, parents are ALWAYS RIGHT. We are MORE EXPERIENCED. You are still TOO FRESH, don't be too eager to make your own life's decision. You are going to REGRET FOR LIFE."

But, sometimes, it may won't turn out to be that way. If Priya married to this perfect Indian man her parents chose, would she really be happy? She might, she might be not. Or.. okay, let's say marrying Adrash had given Priya a good life, but then would she have a better one if she married Nick? Priya had chosen to follow her heart, to marry Nick in the end. We can't tell that had she made the right choice, or had she made the wrong one? But, don't you think that, sometimes, children really know what's the best for themselves?

Gaaah, adult's world!! Making dangerous lifetimes decisions. Taking risks. Drowning yourself in sea of dilemma. Regretting over each good decision you have missed, brooding over each wrong decision you have made. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why not....just live a life without making decisions?


Rationally, i'm always okay when this topic emerged. But emotionally, i'm still unstable. Still feel 不甘心 at times for not trying my best fighting over it. But oh well, i can't tell, would that be a bad one, or a good one? The one that i wanted to fight over for, might turn out to be a bad one. The one that adults want is the right one? Or it may be a good one like they said, but is the other one a better one? Or wait! Does it really matter which one is better? :S It's not that i keep wanting to raise this topic over and over again. But there's time which i really can't handle it when it surfaced. Feel like faith is shattering apart and i'm losing all the positive thinking all of a sudden. I can't just bury this problem into a forgotten yesterday - it just never disappears!

i just gotta keep trying. keep praying. keep hoping.

missing out on chances.