I am a LOSER!

WHY???

Sigh, I feel so tiny, so belittled now. Where's all my self-worth? What am i actually good at?

Tuition? Yes, i have been giving tuitions, and i thought i mix with children well, but i messed up my final observation. And i only did well today! But what's the point? haih. I put in so much effort too. Why did everything turn out like this?

Leader? What did you do??

Reap what you sow? AS IF. In reality, your speech determines your effort, not actions. It's so unfair.

Can't you? Can't you have a bit more of confidence??? What are you afraid of?

But too bad everything just made me look bad today!

Why did i feel like everything turned its back to me today??
And made me feel so tiny and useless.

Haiihhhhhhhh...
feel so heart-broken.

Day 1: Heart attack!

This is the first day of practicum and it felt very scary because it's like starting from zero. However, I'm grateful that I have a very experienced, friendly and helpful mentor. I think i will learn a lot from her. She was awarded the "Guru Cemerlang" award. I'm so blessed!

Good news and also the bad news - I will start teaching tomorrow!

April will be a busy week for the school. They will be having their Sports Day on the 23rd. According to the panitia of English language, there will be an exhibition in conjunction with the English month. So we'll be helping out. ;) Bring it on! 

I will be taking two classes of Primary 4 for English. I have just done with the lesson plans for the two classes. And now, i'm gonna work on the teaching aids.

I have thought of an interesting introduction activity with the pupils and i hope it can help to get to know them better!

Take a peek at what's happening tomorrow!

I don't think i could write in detail what happened today although i really wish to. I'm so drained out now and my bones were cracking when i stretched myself. I have been sitting for too long. Well, i must go for some sports one of these days. It's so unhealthy!

Okie, looking forward to tomorrow! ^_^
Thank God it's in the morning session!

Hello April!

April is here! 

Today, i was supposed to go report at the school even knowing it's holiday today. Fiona and I just wanted to try if the school was open and perhaps take a glimpse of the school so we will be more mentally prepared for our practicum. However, the school was locked. So we continued our plan to grab our breakfast and then to Popular to spend her RM250 1Malaysia voucher. We spent a long time there, practically flipping through every English books on the shelf! We picked books published in Singapore because the English standard is really good. I personally support Singapore-published books and i've been using them since young and even using them for my English tuition. The only thing is that teachers/parents need to explain or adapt the content as some of the books are mostly based on Singapore's context. They are really good materials to raise the English standard. I couldn't resist myself to buy more books. Good books are worth to buy and keep!

By the time we're done with buying books, it was already noon. I didn't want to go back home that soon. Fiona didn't mind accompanying me as we had nothing to do, there's nothing we can prepare for practicum. Plus, the first week is basically just to get to know the school community and surrounding and perhaps carry out some observations. So...a crazy (very very crazy) plan popped into my head - "Malls-Hopping"! From Boulevard, we went to The Spring, then to CityOne... Goodness! We really had nothing better to do! In the end, we were both dead tired. Yes, window shopping can be very very draining! Well, at least we will hit the sack early tonight and have sufficient energy for tomorrow!

There's a boutique in CityOne called "Moonriver", the dresses are all from Singapore and they are really gorgeous and of good quality! The sad thing is they are super expensive! One dress costs around RM199! However, there's a promotion now : RM80 rebate if one purchases two dresses. 

RM199 + RM199 - RM80 = RM318

RM318 for two dresses! I really love the dresses but I don't think i could afford it. :( I have to work for 16 hours to buy two dresses! :( :( :(

By the way, i just found out that this April will be a totally TEACHING month for me! English tuition has resumed, and i would give lil' Vanessa tuition for at least twice a week, not forgetting i have to teach during my practicum. To add on to those, i have to tell stories for Sunday School and it's my turn to teach the upper primary class in Sunday School. Wow wow wow! Well, i really pray that God grant me enough wisdom to manage my time and to teach. :) It's His children i'm serving, and i want to give my very best. 

I wonder what will happen in these four weeks.
I wonder what big or small change i would make in those little hearts.
I wonder...

Dear Father in Heaven, 
Thank You for the chance to touch more hearts by serving You as i teach.
Grant me wisdom, passion, and a heart to teach and change lives.
Guide me, and lead me. Teach me to be humble.
I know wonderful things are going to happen in these four weeks.
I commit every pupils i am going to interact with, the school community and the whole practicum in Your mighty hands.
Thank You, God!
In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

test...

I am trying if blogger works on my phone.

Of bonsai, dreams, and changes...

I went out with Amy tonight and managed to catch up with each others' life. Studies, spiritual life, friendship, guys, career... It feels good to talk about these stuff after so long! She saved me from my unhealthy social life! I was always the one who was busy all the time and had to turn down many hang-outs. But tonight i made myself available cuz i need to socialize. Seriously, i'm living such an unhealthy social life. Hanging out is good cuz it's like a break for me to pause and reflect on the things happened along the way. :) 

Finally i had my Bonsai! This is just so cool and cute. :) 

Well, tonight, we talked about spiritual life. I gotta admit it's really getting a downhill lately. I tried very hard to reconnect but i kept finding myself going lower and lower. Take for instance, today - Good Friday - it somehow just feels different, it's just like any normal day. Father God, i must have hurt You badly. I tried to continue my daily devotion but it didn't work. I think i need someone, a spiritual partner, to help me out especially in growing strong in faith. I wish for someone whom i could do daily devotion with, someone whom i could share all my experience with God. Someone to discuss Christianity and faith in Christ. Someone to sustain me when i feel like falling off the track and slacking off. And when he/she needs support and motivation, i will try my best to help, or we will both help to get him/her back on track. In this kind of sharing and supporting each other, i believe our faith in Christ will strengthen. But who can be my spiritual partner?

Guys. I felt like as I grow in age, many of my principles for love loose with time. I used to have a long list of criteria for my perfect Mr Right, but now, there're only a few principles left. =/ Few months ago, i felt a strong urge to find someone and settle down. Kinda tired of being 'too free'. I wished that i could just change my status to 'in a relationship' so that i could stop the bees for pursuing after me and not to break more hearts. However, i think God says it is still not the time yet. And this is good - it gives me more time to pray over it and prepare myself to be a better woman for the man He has prepared for me. And this time, i wanna do it RIGHT with God from the start. :)

Career. Basically, i'm okay with it now. In fact, i think i'm falling in love with it! How amazing! I think my mom was really right - we really can learn to love what we do. :) I'll be going off for my very first practicum in April (which is next week!) and i am anticipating it. Somehow i just feel so positive about it and i feel like something good is going to happen! 

This was an activity which i tried out with my lil tuition girl.

(Note: We have read the story prior to this for a few times to get her really familiar with the story, and of course, understand the story.)

1. I drew and cut out the template for her to colour.
2. We made the stick puppets together.
3. We read through the story together using the stick puppets made.
4. She retold the story using the puppets made, without referring to the book.

It was a total success! She enjoyed making the stick puppets, reading the story, and retelling the story!

Church.

Today, i joined Fiona, her mom and sister to Trinity Methodist Church for a change. I've been considering switching to a new church, if possible for one which offers English service. It was not too bad, will try to go for a few times and see how it is.

I need some sports! 

Holidays have been filled with lots of eating, relaxing... i need to sweat. I need to train myself to be better in tennis! Speaking of tennis, yesterday, i was supposed to meet up a new friend for tennis. Unfortunately he had an accident and he was badly injured. I was hoping to meet this person face to face and get to know him better, but looks like it's saved for the other time. :)

Two more days of holidays. :(

My Holiday Plans

Yes! The long-waited holidays are finally here. It's just a one week holiday, but i'm grateful for it. At least i have a break to rest, tidy up some mess, get ready and go on again. :) I love holidays - i get to recharge myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

Lundu Retreat with Coursemates

So far my holiday has been fantastic! I spent a quality time at Lundu Retreat with my coursemates. Getting to know each other in a much deeper level, sharing and caring have indeed made our bonds stronger! I feel closer to them. This really feels like a little family and i will definitely miss them when we are all apart. The thought of the one month practicum has already saddened us cuz we might not be able to meet each other everyday. 

I really love spending time with people i treasure. I love interaction. I love to find out more about the other person and i love being an angel to others by supporting them and encouraging them. I love sharing thoughts, things that inspire me, i would want them to inspire others too. I love being surrounded by friends. 

This was also the first time Uncle Pajero went so far! Not bad for an uncle! The whole Lundu Trip was filled with funny and sweet memories. However...those mean sandflies were just so jealous that we were having heaps of fun and no one would care and remember them. Thanks for the souvenirs. I will definitely remember you all. Gosh, the bites are all swollen now and they are painful, irritating and itchy! Help! 

I know my skin is hyper sensitive to insect bites, so i avoided going to the beach, i just stayed at the house and went for swimming. But still the insects found their ways to bite me. Sigh. I wonder how long it will take to recover. They are just so ugly!

Miley's Birthday Celebration at Alfresco.

It's our dear Miley's birthday! Initially, the plan was to celebrate it today, which is the actual day. However, her dad bought her a ticket as a birthday gift to celebrate back at home so we celebrated it last night, right after the Lundu trip. Some snapshots of the night. :)

Miley was so touched when Mas read our birthday wish in Tamil.

Joy, joy, joy! I love making people really touched and happy! :)

Things i wanna do in this one week break:

1. Read at least a book (i miss reading, i was so occupied with loads of assignments before this and i hope now i have time to enjoy reading.)

2. Watch some movies (it's been too long!)

3. Complete my assignments

4. Prepare for my first practicum

5. Reconnect, reconnect, reconnect!

That's all for the update! 

Please keep me in prayers for healing of my sandflies bites. I really cannot stand the itch. :(

Trust

Once you break it, it will never be the same. This is what i believe. You can try to earn it back, but it can never be 100% anymore.

So, don't ever break trust.