Happiness.

Happiness is such a relative term that it sometimes loses definition.

Hold my hand.

*sigh*

i don't know why, but it doesn't seem easy.

Recently i find it really tiring and difficult to serve God. I don't have the time, i don't have the energy. I'm not sure if i should take a break from everything, and i meant everything. But i am not too if it's the right choice to do.

I reached home later than midnight today after attending a Church meeting which ended at midnight. I grabbed some Chipsmore once i reached home, was having gastric attack. Then i went upstairs to my room, mom opened her room door, 'Oh, you're back dy. You jut got home?' I nodded, 'Yeah, a while ago. [pause] You know what, i sometimes feel really tired serving God.' But the door was closed dy, i guess she was tired, just came out to check if i was home. She closed the door after asking.

I want to sing songs to You, Lord. I still want to sing songs of praises to you even though i am busy. This is something i want to give You. This is something i want to do for You. This is something i want You to hear. However, my hectic schedule is really gonna wear me out soon.

But still, if i were to take this challenge. Please, i would request just one tiny thing: hold my hand. :)

I'm tired.
But i will come to You
and You would give me rest.

Boo.

stop all this.

don't try anymore.

quit.

don't simply tell stories to people whom you have just met.

say goodbye.


YAY! That's more like it. Hopefully...it's understood.
Alright, time to sleep.

Update (2)

Err, you see. It's like this. I did want to post something up, but i always had things to do. When i have nothing to do, it's either the mood was not right, or i had forgotten what i wanted to type. So... the blog is left abandoned. :)

I have so many things wanted to update. About he offer of UKM twinning programme till the recent ones. But i had no time to update at all. Again, i was caught in a dilemma. I really don't get it. Why was it that when i finally surrendered, another door of 'HOPE' was opened. Did it mean that the current choice was not right and that a better one was opened up for me, or what? Why was it so torturing? I was asked to accept things, and when i finally persuaded my stubbornness not to fight anymore, here came a chance for 'turning back' or 'turning into a new junction' which seemed to be shining with the flame of HOPE. What were all those??? You see. When i desperately wanted to leave there was no 2nd chance, so i was kinda hoped for it. But then when the chance was given to me to choose again, i stood there, trembling, shaking, unable to make up my mind. What an irony! I once wished fervently for it, yet now afraid when the chance came. I was too afraid to go anywhere anymore. After a few struggles, i decided not to go. Don't ask me why. I just felt that i don't need to leave, though i wish i could. (though i wish i HAD.) Oh well. Life's good so far. *forcing a nooooood.*

It's not about the choosing to go or to stay; it's not about 2nd chance and staying. It's just something else. But i'm fixing it, so gimme some time. And perhaps. Less words of wisdom and more realistic actions will do? :)

Hmm. Oh yea, i'm driving to school everyday now. And also dinaikkan pangkat ke driver. LOL. Sometimes i'd have to fetch bro and sis. Sigh. You know, life is getting...more EXCITING! (yea. excitinggg.) I have to wake up 530am everyday. Left home at 610am to avoid traffic jam. What to do. Three other schools outside the road to my campus. But now i'm adjusted to it dy. In fact, i think it's better to keep it like this. I reached school around 630am and so i have plenty of quite moment. :) To read some Christianity books. It's not too bad after all eh. :)

I still don't get it why would someone say something at the first place if he/she didn't mean it at all? Different brains interpret differently. Pity the poor unlucky brain which interpreted it wrongly.

School tomorrow. T.T (It's SATURDAY.)
My weekend. Sobs.

Update (1)

Haha, I think i would have to break them into a few posts, so gotta label them update (1), (2), (3)... IF there will be that many entries. Some some brief updates with the help of photos. :)

We went to Borneo Conventional Centre on 23rd July. It's huge!

Went there for this : to make up the crowd in other words. :)

Attempt failed. lol. I've always wanted to take Panorama photo, but i never succeeded. :( Looks very cacat.

Tennis as my Gerko. *Happy!*

I'm in the 'advanced' group, with the guys. Kinda honoured. :') I feel more confident. :D I feel different. BUT. Recently i feel that i have lost the 'touch'. Been playing badly. :( Sigh. Oh yea, i personally think that Mr Mano, our coach/lecturer, is kinda cool and handsome. :)

Note the mistake (the messy handwriting). You know what, my eyes really closed at that time until i didn't know what i was writing. My mind was still writing, but my hand wasn't. Not that the lecture was boring, it's because i was too sleepy and tired. I hardly had enough and sufficient sleep everyday.

Obsession! XD

Woohooo~ I'm getting it. :) SOON. Maybe end of this month. I purposely put there to keep motivating myself, and keep the dream alive. THIS time, i'm not gonna let my dream die again like LAST time. I'm gonna go for what i like.

All times' favourite!

Mmm-mmm!

Teh Tarik.

I love any kinds of beverages which have tea inside. :D Milk tea, Teh C Peng, Ice-cream Green Tea. :)

Tadaaa! The Cheesy Baked Rice that i made. I used the wrong cheese, so it didn't turn out really cheesy sticky. haha. But it was delicious. =9

My favourite! EGG TART! (from Gingerbread House)

i eat sushi. i like sushi. i love sushi.

Troubled.

It has been a long time since i last really updated this. Friends are telling me that they don't know any update form me. Oh well, life has been. pretty b a d recently. Still struggling to work it out, but finding myself on the verge of crashing down most of the time. I am really trying!

My schedule is very packed. So, now i have decided to lay down some responsibilities which other people could bear it better than me. Perhaps, they could give more commitment to those responsibility and produce better work. I'm gonna officially put down these burdens. I have the heart to help, but i don't think this is the only way to help. I'm already tied up with my own hectic schedule, so i really can't spare any more free time for those.

Learn to say 'no'.

Yes, that's the lesson i always failed to learn. But not this time.

So forgive me if i say no to those responsibilities. I like it better when there's no additional matter to tie me down even more. :)

Hope you all would understand.

If that someone never comes to you

It's normal everyone will have this feeling. (Unless if you are asexual then i have nothing to say.) So, let's be open-minded! Let's talk something about this. Well, just from what i have thought about lately. If that someone doesn't come to you, just... let go. It'd be a lot better than playing some kinda guessing game and in the end you guessed it all wrong. :)

To save yourself from being fooled by yourself, to save that someone from feeling guilty because he/she can't give you what you want - - just be cool and let go. :) See, by letting go, you become a super hero!

Sooner or later, it will fade away. It's just a feeling after all. It won't stay too long. :)

The friend in my heart, thank you. :)