Urm...

typed.


erased.

hmm

Insomnia + realization

I'm drinking warm milk now. It's very unlike me!

Well, i have no choice. This is the one of the solutions i could do besides taking sleeping pills. But i would never give in to sleeping pills. I don't know why too, but i think i have sleeping disorder recently. Insomnia. O_O I'm very worried this time, i must say. This insomnia is very unusual. It's getting worse and worse each time. When i close my eyes, the brain just won't stop working! It's so frustrating, so sickening, so... torturing. :( Plus, i always have to wake up early the next day. Gosh! Please end this torment.

Lately... i've realized that my daddy is getting old. :( Many of my friends used to compliment that my dad looked so young. I used to think so too, but now... i don't think so anymore. The ageing process has left its trail apparently on his life. And i really feel bad seeing the change in him.


I started to realize, you became more absent-minded.
You forgot the outing i told you about.
Yet, i was angry that you forgot.
I'm sorry.

I started to realize, your ears are not as good as before.
You turned the radio loud so that you could listen to it.
Yet, i talked to you in an unfriendly tone to ask you to lower down the volume.
I'm sorry.

I started to realize, you are always trying your best.
You felt guilty that you forgot my outing.
It was the first time i saw you speed on the road.
But please don't do that again, it's dangerous.
And, I'm sorry.

I started to realize, you are always holding your temper.
You were not scolding me,
but i feel as if the silence had just scolded me.
I'm...sorry.

You are always so optimistic, so positive.
You never complained about the stress at work when you are back at home,
you never complained working in the garden fixing things,
you are tired when you are back from work,
but you just lied at the sofa and took quick nap.
You never really showed your care,
but in fact you care for us so much.
Dad, i feel so bad. :'(
I'm sorry that i have not been a good daughter.

But i just wanna say that, I really love you.
Not lying to anyone here, not showing off, not making this up,
but i love you, Dad.

I thank God, for you.
My father, my hero.

1st Week

The first week of lectures after a month of holidays.

Monday - was really having Monday Blue. I'm not sure why too, but i know i did not feeling any excitement i had days ago before school reopened. I love the computer lab for our Literature class. It's simply just so awesome! :) And then during Miss Yus's class, she asked, "Eh, where is your dictionary?" "I - don't - haaaaave." =.= Haha. During lunch time, those from Kuching were really roomless! ROOMLESS. How pity. Nomadic life. So we found an empty classroom and hung out inside there. Fiona, Vic and i. :) We had our lunch there. Then we caught up on each other's life. The lectures on Monday were very light, nothing much. Nonetheless, i must say that the first day was super tiring! Perhaps i was still in the holiday mood.

I love the tree!

Oh yea, i handed in my Pop-up book. Mdm Angie likes it a lot! She proudly showed to the other lecturers. :) At last! My hard work paid off! :) I'm very proud of myself too!

Tuesday - lectures again. can't remember anything special. Oh, we were told by our lecture that we would be having a quiz the next morning at 7am. But well, you know me, quizzes can't really scare me. Spent the afternoon sleeping. Then at night, went to Sushi King (Boulevard branch) and treated mom, dad and Gracie. :D I wanted to use the voucher i got before it expired.

Sushi King Gozen

After that, went to buy some ingredients to make sushi. When i came back, i started studying and it's already around 10pm. By the time i finished tidying the file, half an hour like that gone dy. I only studied for 45 mins in the end.

Wednesday - DROVE to school!!! hahaha. I have to conquer the fear of traffic jam! At first i parked at student's parking lot. Beautiful parking. :)

Cantik sekali! :D

Madam Angie couldn't make it for lecture so we did our own reading. And then had lunch. Yummy-licious home-cooked lunch!

lunch with books and notes.

During lunch time, when all the lecturers were away, i moved my car to park at the lecturers' parking lot. Shhhh. :D I had to do so because the student's parking lot is so far from lecture block. Well, it's another long day of lecture. After I finished class, I joined Fiona to look for lecturers to discuss the timetable. We went to look for Miss Yus. She asked if we are driving to school on our own. I said yes. Then she said, "Oh yea, i remember there was once i saw a big car. Then when i looked at the driver, there was this little girl trying to look tall inside the car." I was like HMMPH. haha. Funny. She always says things so sarcastically. haha.

After dropping Fiona at the hostel area for her to wait for her mom, i drove back home, alone. I like it. I like the feeling. Being alone and driving a car. :) Then when i reached home, i did some very light house chores. Nothing much happened.

Thursday (Today) - A day of confessions! :) Hey i like the session. Miss Hannah is so angelic! :) *halo beaming* Well, we were talking about intrapersonal during Social Studies. So everyone got to share what's the conflict we faced/are facing. I shared the dilemma which i was once caught in. (now i'm still not sure whether am i already out of the dilemma but yeah. i won't ask 'why' a lot.) Anyways, a good sharing session. :) Fiona and I stayed back again for some activities in the evening. Again, we had nowhere to go. In the end, we went back to hostel. Owing to the sad fact that we don't have any room, we just stayed at the foyer. I was so tired that i dozed off on the table. Really tired, man! Whole day oh! Around 430pm, we met our juniors at the field. Played a simple game,, get to see their faces. haha.

Okay lah, i'm so tired dy. Slept late these few days. Suo yi jin wan xiang yao zao dian qu shui jiao! ^^ NO SCHOOL TOMORROW! I've got a date tomorrow! Ngahaha. After that i'm free! But probably i'll be going back to campus at night for some function. :) And AMY dear is flying back tomorrow! :)

P/s: I've been coughing since yesterday. I think i'm losing my voice soon. I don't wanna fall sick! :(

Goodnight!

First day of Semester 3

I was hoping that it would be a great start, but... I AM NOW

mentally exhausted.

physically exhausted.

More...

I didn't have a place to go.

i'm roomless. Nowhere to take short nap.

and i'm

offended. *hurt* I don't like that word, alright.

my palms are killing me.

By the way, Fiona and I went to see the juniors at the field while waiting for dad. And i told the person in charge, "attitude." I told them to treat the juniors nicely. I just HATE those who take the advantages of their superiority to bully and torture the juniors during orientation week. During my orientation week, they made me hate the institute so much. Why force people to respect you? Treat others well and you will earn the respect automatically. And i dunno how many times i have said this today. Why do you have to go on with the unhealthy and childish tradition? Is that fun? Bullied by our seniors and now taking the revenge on your juniors?

Gracie was asking money from me to pay the violin enrollment fee. And i just realized i left RM200. :( Where did all my money go? So i passed RM100 to her. I'm broke dy so can't help much. She was happy. But then mom said better don't let her go cuz we have problem sending her there. So, Gracie is very upset now cuz she can't join the violin class.

Wanted to cheer her up.

:( See the sad smiley! Aww. I feel sad.
(by the way, it's 'want'.)

Another question. Do you know how love turned into hatred? Hmm.

Anyways. I'm off to bed now. (Actually wanted to sleep around 8pm. )

Holidays...no more! :'(

This is bad bad bad. I still can't believe it ended so soon. I haven't really enjoyed myself but now, after the sleep tonight, i'm going back to school again. Gonna wake up early again, gonna attend lectures, gonna copy notes, gonna fight sleepiness, gonna yawn in class... Looking back at this holiday, i dunno if i should say it was a good one. However, i enjoyed some of the activities, like MELTA International Conference. It's a very good exposure. I wanted something like that. Meet people across the sea. It's a lot better than staying here and see how things change out there. I wanna go feel the changes too. :( But, once again. I think staying back is also something good lah. (Though i'm still not sure how GOOD will it be.)

I managed to watch a few good movies in this holiday too, though the number didn't even exceed 5. But i guess it's more than the number of movies i watched in a semester. -.- I met up with Geral, Ruby, Bert and some other friends, but the time was quite short for every meet ups. Still wanted to do more things. I wanted to go to the beach, wanted to go swimming, this that this that... (the list will go on and on.)

Hmm, and remember the things to do in holiday which i've listed. Sigh. NOw i feel it's useless planning ahead. I'll just live each day as it comes? OH WAIT WAIT. Now, now, now.. why did i turn soooo pessimistic all of a sudden? haha. Positive thinking! Positive thinking!

Okay, i guess i'll just make my reflection on my holidays short. I'll write tomorrow. Class will finish at evening. I'll have few hours break in between. I guess i'll just visit the library. :) I have a feeling that library will be crowded with Kuching people tomorrow. XD What's lunch for tomorrow? Hmmm. Now i'm going to ask that question again everyday. XD I always ask it during school days. "What's for lunch?" But in the end, i always skipped too. =X

Hmm. "When you are having sleepless night, stare into the dark and you will eventually fall asleep. " BUt it can never work, on me. When i stare into the dark, it adds pressure to my heart. Haha. Timid.

Oh and there's something which really frustrates me recently. I really really don't like how things have changed. I want to know why. I demand an explanation for all this! But am i in a right position to ask for the reason? I wonder. Should i, or should i not... Perhaps, i should just find the 'erase' button. If can't, type in 'move on'. :)

My palms... :'( This whole week will be really torturing.

By the way, the first thing i'm going to do tomorrow when i get back to school is...

check on the dates for the next holidays!!! :D

This morning, i

had a terrible nightmare. :'(

Rabbit. Rare-bit.

You kept chasing after the thing you thought was good, but in the end you found out that you have missed out a lot of other better things along the way. What a miss! :(

Yeah, all of a sudden i just realized this fact. That i was too engrossed in chasing something which doesn't belong to me, and let go of many chances that came knocking on the door. You missed out some wonderful things, wonderful people, wonderful happenings...

Regret? A bit. Yes. I should have...really taken it more seriously. It is a miss.

Life still rolls on, people will move on, happenings will be forgotten... there's no way to go back. Well, unless i have the dagger which Prince Persia, Dastan had.

I wanted to say i really appreciate all the time we spent together.

I let the rare-bit go, Geral! :'( A rabbit that jumps out from the magician's hat. A rare-bit that comes jumping into me.

Why didn't i realize? It's only after such a long run when i found out that i was running for nothing, i finally turn back my head and see what i have missed out along the way.

Too focus is a bad thing.
Too determined is another bad thing.