It has to be like this.

ToMrSomebody,
Whenilookatyou,sometimesiwouldfeelbadwhydidihavetomakeyousufferthatmuch.
Iknowyouaretryingtomendthingsnow,butisitnottoolate?
Iknowthisiscruel.iknowiamdoingwrongtoonow,iknowyouhaveaheart,youhavefeelings,
andtheywayithrewharshwordsatyoureallyhurtsalotright?
Timewillheal.everyonehastopayforthepriceofourownmistakes,thatistherule.
Sorrythatihurtyoubutthisisreallytheonlyway.Getusedtoit.Youwillbeokay.
IpraytoGodthatHewillalwaysbewithyou,inyourdeepestdepressionandloneliness,
HewillreachoutHiscaringandlovinghandstohugyoutight.
IpraytoGodthatHewillrevealthereasonsbehindallthissothatitwontbesopainfulforustobear.
Hewillpullthroughwithyou,sostaystrong,andmoveon.

today.

Today was bad. Had a sleepless night trying to complete everything including tonight's work, cuz i knew i won't have time so i continued doing until it was morning. Sadly, things were just bad. Feeling very frustrated, stirred, annoyed, and pressured. Guess i will have to leave the final touch up for tomorrow morning.

Stressed. i cannot squeeze my time out anymore. 

answers. answers. and answers. 

I really wish God appears here. :(

God i need you, in many many things. 

many many things.

I'm just too weak to go through all these.

What is on my mind?

Breathe...breathe...breathe! *gasp for air*

Whoosh, life's been super duper busy than ever! Two major artwork done, at least! I feel a lil bit lighter but still the load of other assignments are still weighing me down. :( When is all this going to end? I know i always jokingly tell my friends "the only time we could stop working is when we're dead" (which is in fact the truth) but now i really just hope i could stop working just for a few days. I need rest! :(

Okay, i'm about to go very disorganized.... jumbled thoughts of many things.

A lot of things are bugging me lately. Talked to friends, mom...perhaps i was too busy living life, and i wasn't really living me myself.

At times, i would pause and look back, recall the things i've done, guilt and regret gushed in and engulfed me instantly. Many things i could have done, i should have done...or shouldn't have done. hmm. Trying to run away and avoid won't solve anything too right...

or is that really the right choice but you just turn the option away and refuse to believe it?

family is often the closest and nearest people you easily neglected. i'm really sorry, mom and dad. However, after the artwork project, i feel a new strong bond formed between each and everyone of us. it feels so warm, and i know it's love.

mistakes.
mistakes.
mis.
takes.

Nosey people.

I know what i'm doing. Before you poke your nose into my life, make sure you know what actually happened first.

These few days i was suddenly fumed with anger again. Thanks to some unsolved issues. Welcome to the world, as my friend would say. There are always people who will try to pull you down. But one thing for sure is, i know what i'm doing. God knows too. And i'm not scared of whatever remarks you will throw about me. But to others, before you poke your nose into my life, start to judge if i did it wrong or bad, make sure you really know what actually happened. Stories can be fake or true, what have you heard? what have you seen? Are they true? Well, get the facts right first before you start labeling others.

Dear Lord, help me to control my emotions

so that i won't do things that upset you.

Decision made!

Hola! I'm here just to post a very quick update. :) 

No more dilemma!!! :) Feel at peace, thank You, Lord! :) Does truth matter? Yes and no. :) Well, don't worry, i won't do the same thing upon you, cuz i am not like you. Even though you succeeded causing a big stir and discomfort within myself, God has now calmed the raging storm in me. I won't let what you did before or what you do now, or, what you said before or what you say now to change me. Ultimately, in life, we may upset people cuz we are not the 'good kinds' they thought we should be, but i would rather lose those perceptions from other people than to upset my Father God. 

Forgive. :)

Peaceful and joyful. Praise the Lord! I will still be me. :) 

I have the proofs and the truth, but i will keep them. Unless some people come and approach me. No one has the right to judge one another, before you judge me, maybe you should just come and ask me what the whole thing actually is. :) We don't always say but not doing anything we said. Walk the talk! 

Super exhausted now, will retire early for the night. :) 

Pray for the missionary camp during this weekend! Thanks!

Drama's over!

This post is not to condemn anyone, please take note if you are too sensitive. 

Lately, many things happened and they all blew me hard enough. Through this kind of hard times, really opened my eyes to the colours of the world and the masks people are wearing. 

Tolerate.

How much can you tolerate? And until what extent? 

Well, this 'incident' gave me a very hard blow and brought along with it many 'side effects'. It's very easy to destroy others' image eh? However, not to worry, i still hold tight to my promise to God, which is i won't do bad to my enemy. :) At first, i chose to kept silent. However, i guess there're really things where you need to stand up and defend yourself.

I've been struggling between to tell or not to tell. If i don't tell, i will have to carry that 'bad image' unless if people really believe in me (but how many will?). I can't let it continue, truth must be known. If i didn't do it, yes, i will show to you all i did not do it. And in the end, i realized, you won't do a person any better if you only just keep tolerating. Cuz in a way you are encouraging him/her to continue with what he/she did. Everything comes with a lesson. Some learnt it the easy way, some just have to learn it the hard way. Instead of tolerating, it's time i should let the truth come to light. Initially, i have decided to ignore it, but after how serious it has become, no, i am not gonna let it like this. It's concerning my image and my friends. Just because of that, i have lost so much of my precious things, and people. Forgiving is not hating you, but at the same time also letting you realized how it has destroyed other's life. Just because of one untrue story, some immature actions, you've made people labeled me the other way. No, really, i do not hate you, but look, we need to learn things in life. Consequences for what we have done. And what i am doing is not to put you in any bad situation, but to save things back. Or else, i am gonna live in your shadows. 

I'm telling the truth, not a made-up story.

I will put everything back to place. 

The friendships i used to have, the image, and my own self.

Erm.......

It has been a long time again! It's July now and seriously, wow... this semester is not for joke. It's just the first few weeks of lecture and i am already feeling the tension and pressure. Feeling like i never had enough time to really do all the things i want, or is it really due to my poor time management? *sigh*

Last week our class, together with the BC group, organized a three-day field trip for Art. It was awesome!!! For almost 12 years in Kuching, i had never stepped into Sarawak Cultural Village until that day! Yes, i know. However, the entrance fee is really expensive. RM15 for students. Wow...:( And the trip was just so fun, get to know more about other unique cultures. ;) Always in my interest.

Life.
is Great!!!

Well, to me, it's just not my style to show everyone that i have problems. But at times, things got into an extent i gotta vent it somewhere. Some people really have to learn life the hard way. sigh. Words and advice can't make them learn. But then again, should i? :( Will it be what God desires in the end if i do it? Stuck in between.

Hmm, nvm, my thoughts are jumbled up now.
Sorry for the very disorganized entry.

Gonna continue to do my work. :)