Highlights

It's been quite some time again since i last posted something on what has happened lately. The right mood just didn't seize in. Here are some pictures and photos taken, the highlights. :)

my DIY which i've made it a few months ago. :)

Grace graduated! I'm so proud of you, sis! :)
(err she's always like that, never wants to be serious when taking photo, so yeah, this is the best one i could find, edited using Photoshop. The background is blurred.)

First time cooking instant noodle using this method. Not good at all. :( I would rather starve than eating any of the food cooked in this way.

Abseiling! It was fun!

Watched Disney's A Christmas Carol 3D in MBO! The 3D effect was awesome!

being a lil emo... xD

current MSN display pic: catch me when i fall.

No matter what, keep on hoping. :)

If you have two choices:
one is to hope for the best, another one is to expect the worst.
which one would you choose?

What would you do

if someone you treasure the most, tells you he/she has not much time left?

if the one you really want to stay with, has to leave you soon?

if you can't stop imagine life without him/her?

an empty box

you open it,

it's empty.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

by Maya Angelou


The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down its narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill for the caged bird
sings for freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful thrill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom.

* * *

Being a free bird...

A free bird has all the freedom it wants. It can fly freely to anywhere its wings take it to. It can explore the world, search for its food, soar in the sky, fly above the sea, meet other birds...

"he calls to the sky his own"
the entire sky is its home - unbounded by anything.

Being a caged bird...

A caged bird doesn't have the opportunity to see the world beyond the bars. Its wings are clipped, feet are tied. Due to the narrow space of the cage, its movement is severely restricted.

"bars of rage" refers to the cage.
Why rage? Because the bird is angry - it is trapped - it is held against its will.

A caged bird sings with a fearful thrill.

rage + fear = a great deal of insecurity, unhappiness and anger

Rage: (anger) being caged, trapped, its freedom is denied

Fear: of never being free, of being harmed

"grave of dreams" : again, it's another metaphor for the cage

Here, it provokes another issue -
it's merely alive, not living.

The caged bird has no freewill, it has nothing to look forward to, all of its dreams are doomed to die.

Being alive: physical state of existence

Living: enjoying life, living life to the fullest

"his shadow shouts a nightmare scream"
the caged bird is merely alive. Its very existence is like that of a shadow - no form, nothing concrete. The caged bird lives in a cage (the "grave of dreams") and so it has no real forms, no real importance.

so that even its most frightening scream is silent.

"the things unknown but longed for still"
"sings of freedom"
The two lines suggest that the caged bird has never known freedom, never known what life beyond the bars is like. Yet, it has a deep longing for freedom. A poignant desire for freedom.

"so he opens his throat to sing"
Its voice = sad + fear + anger + sorrow
This is the only part of the bird that can 'fly' - it is the one things that the bird can set free!

* * *

I was deeply stirred by this poem when i studied it. Wanted to share it but I always didn't have the time to do so. Somehow, i feel for the bird, it's just a bird but it sounds so like someone. Having dreams unfulfilled without even trying, it feels utterly mortally awful. However, life still rolls on ey? Whether you like it or not, you are still gonna live it.

Merely alive or living? Aah, that's another problem again.

Today

i hurt someone.

with my tongue.


I think i have done the same thing over and over again. I told myself not to hurt her anymore, i know she is living in pain now as well. I should just keep this to my own, and don't ever let it out. One person carries the pain is enough already. I don't know what to do too. Sometimes, i just cant bear it anymore.

Can't pretend that it doesn't matter to me.

But.

Don't worry, today will be the last day. I will not repeat it. I will not say the same thing to you again.

sorry.

Gimme a break!

this hide and seek game is going to end.

this you-guess-i-guess game is going to end.

WHATEVER it is. I'm tired.

Sunday :)

It's been another week! TWO MORE WEEKS! Today is Sunday, a happy day. :) also an indication of another week coming. okie. So it's time to update a bit. I'm free now, finally! Tasted freedom. =9 hehe. In this week, i've done quite a lot of meaningful things. I haven't a clue where to start! Everything stuffed in my brain waiting to be released. haha.

Okay, hmmm. Wednesday - I went back to school. I had lost the courage to step back to school ever since i left all of a sudden. I couldn't believe i left. I thought i would just leave them for one week, after that one week, i would be back. Back to where i want to be, where i think i belong. I went with Niraaj. Standing in front of the prefectorial notice board, i couldnt help having thoughts filling my mind. This is the place i missed. Really, though school changed a lot. Every corner of the school reminds me of all the wonderful memories in school. I wanted to cry, but i think that's a stupid thing to do. Saw a few teachers walking past, but didnt dare to greet them. I was filled with fear. Finally my teacher saw me and walked towards me, "How are you?" I forced out a smile and nodded. "Fine." Teacher, "I heard that you are studying in maktab now. Why would you go? I mean, you've got good results, i'm sure you can cope in form 6 ba. You're not like my other students wor. I think you can do well in form 6 leh. Becoming teacher is not good ah." i bit my lip, not knowing what to say. This is what i fear. I was stirred.

We waited until it's recess time, then Niraaj and i went visiting our friends. I didn't believe i was the one visiting my friends. It didn't feel good. First we went to look for Andy, but he wasn't in class, wait. He dint even go to school that day. Then went up to L6S1 to visit my ex-classmates, and my ex-neighbour. Okay, i seriously hate the word "ex-". Had a short chat with Brendan them. Soon recess was over and they had BIO, so we left. I miss the word 'recess'. Different thoughts and feelings filled me up again.

We went to Swinburne after picking up Andy. The three of us walked in Swinburne like the students over there. Quite cool. And i got to have the chance to feel how a college life is. Everyone is wearing casual, groups of people walking together to their next class, people sitting on the grass - all i wanted to feel! We met up with Evan, Ruby and Jane. And i met Ah Wei too, studying in library oh. Rajin betul. haha. We went to the Spring after that but too bad Evan didnt get to join. In the spring, nothing to do except eat, walk, walk and walk. After lunch at Food Court, the girls went for window shopping. Poor Niraaj and Andy followed here and there until they were tired. They sat at somewhere under the escalator but the girls walked past without spotting them! Niraaj sighed and said that we were really enjoying ourselves till we couldnt see them. LOL! "It's a good practice for us as we will be doing this in the future." ngahaha. You got that right!

Thursday - i met up with my ex-classmates right after my class. Or perhaps i should call it the ex-gang. Brendan, BH them (all guys) and I (a girl). hehe. We had lunch in Saberkas, had a great time that afternoon. Thanks, guys! BH, this is taken in your car!! :p

Failure!

That evening, i finished my last last LAST assignments. YAY! I was doing the designs for newsletter. No more assignments for this sem. Gosh, i really hate assignments. Not because it's a lot, too difficult, involves tedious process...blah! It's because it is not practical at all. How well can it judge, assess and evaluate a student? That night, (a night to celebrate?) the whole class went to Hartz Chicken. Guess who i saw there? Ah Siang! LOL. Actually the girls and i planned to go Kado. What to do? This week then! ;)

Saturday - did nothing much. Morning, was having a great date with my piano. I am learning a new song now. Clementine. LOL, feminine of my brother. xD Clement, Clementine. hehe. It's a beautiful song. Really enjoy myself playing it. And i am also learning "Do You" by Yiruma. Gosh, another lovely song, it's very soothing. Afternoon, working. Night, youth.

Sunday - woke up to the chirping sounds of birds. It's a beautiful morning! :) After church we went to grandma's place and brought her out for lunch. Before we left, my uncle told me some of the teachers in school said it's really sad cuz i left. Cuz i wasn't like other Straight A's students. Sighh. I was stirred, again. Well, i believe i could do it too but. i dunno. i'll just have to carry on with my life like this until. until...actually, i dunno until when too.

I had laksa for lunch, cuz couldnt find anything else to eat. :( After that went to Boulevard. Gracie and I went straight to Popular, we both love books. :) Gracie was sitting on the floor reading story books while i was browsing through racks and racks of novels. In the end, couldn't resist the temptation so i bought 3 which cost me, um..RM180+ i think. Bought Cecelia Ahern's The Gift, have a little faith by Mitch Albom, The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. :D I had an impulse to buy books. Actually i saw another edition of The Gift, at a cheaper price too. But i wanted it in the silver design, so i didnt even tell daddy. =X Just for the design, it cost me another RM30+. Wanted to buy more, but dad doesn't allow. :( So, i still have a few in my book list.

1) Things I Want My Daughters to Know.
2) The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas
3) The Joy Luck Club
4) Starting Over
5) To Kill a Mocking Bird

My love... :)

Hmm, there are some other books in my list, but cant recall any at the moment. Oh yea, just well, in case anyone of you wants to buy me those books, (who knows, haha) let me know yea, so that i wont be buying them. :) hehe. When i reached home, i happily showed my sis those new books. And she told me she has for one more day and the five people you meet in heaven, both by Mitch Albom. I want i want i want! :)

Oh ya, after buying my books, we went to the fourth floor. I didnt know such place existed! It's a fun place.

mugs! I love the designs!!! Simplicity. :)

I'm so gonna collect every of it in the future! But it's expensive for one mug. :(

for couples...

nice one.

I would certainly want one of these.

It's always romantic to have couple swans...

however, it's also romantic to have a couple of penguins!
They are cute, aren't they? :)

i like the colourful boxes concept.

simply perfect :)

gracie with the blue trishaw.

gracie with model.

BULBS! lol.

I would definitely want this in my garden next time!

and this...

and this!

nice pic. i like the style of framing.

You see, i'm really very into home designs. Yeah, one my my dreams is to design a very homely, comfortable, stylish home. :) Bring me to places like this and i can really tell you lots and lots of home designs. I just simply love it. :)

Some pictures from last week...

whole stack of piano scores which i downloaded from internet :D

just enough space for lil reddy. :)

power puff girls.

My favourite flower - Arum Lily :)

Actually, i want to post another entry on something which stirs me a lot recently. Perhaps tonight, or tomorrow. or when i am free lah.

feeling...feeling.
complicated.