矛盾的心跳

隧道

 

時間一分一秒 心情像白雲 自在的飄

獨自坐在公園一角 任憑風衝進懷抱

十二點的鐘聲 傳遍了城市每條街道

期待擁抱 又害怕會被你知道

到底是要遠遠看你 還是靠近一點更好

我不確定 你是不是 我一直要找的主角

我用騙人的祈禱 騙自己我現在很好

和你在一起的每分每秒 就像走過 彩虹隧道

時間一分一秒 同一座城市相互尋找

獨自坐在公園一角 看著雨後的青草

十二點的鐘聲 傳遍了城市每條街道

有誰知道 我現在矛盾的心跳

到底是要遠遠看你 還是靠近一點更好

我不確定 你是不是 我一直要找的主角

我用騙人的祈禱 騙自己我已經看到

忐忑不安的背後是微笑 是我們的 彩虹隧道

幻想不停圍繞 它很美也很煎熬

我卻無法選擇 要或不要

到底是要遠遠看你 還是靠近一點更好

我不確定 你是不是 我夢中見過的主角

我用騙人的祈禱 騙自己你沒有看到

陽光底下我的心像羽毛 跟你飛過 彩虹隧道

This song speaks my heart!!!

"The Perfect Present"

I'm not an avid reader, but I will become one when I get hold of amazing and superb books. I like the feeling when I could really enjoy a book, immerse in the story's ups and downs, seeing how the story evolves as the characters in the story. It gives me a little escapism from the real life - a little escape to be someone else, temporarily. At times we just gotta be someone else to form a different perspective of life. 

The book which i have just finished reading is "The Perfect Present" by Karen Swan. The ending was very heart-warming, amazing and inspiring! On the cover it says "Memories are a gift..." and I truly feel and agree with it towards the end - it is just so true! Laura, ran a jewellery business and had always kept her world small. However, her life came to a turning point, or more like a point of new realization when one day Rob walked into her studio and asked her to make a charm necklace for his enigmatic wife, Cat. She had to make seven charms, and each charm would tell and represent someone in Cat's life. She was then invited to join Rob and his friends to activities they do as friends. Laura, while appearing as a guest, had to work on her charms by secretly interviewing the selected seven people for their memories with Cat so that she could design the perfect charm for each person. She had to interview Cat's family, friends, and former lovers. It wasn't easy throughout. New feelings, emotions, and problems with Jack (her boyfriend) back at home set in and drained Laura out, physically and emotionally. It came to some point where she almost lost her own identity and become like Cat. Rob started to feel and act differently towards Laura when he found out who she really was - the one she has been hiding from everyone. And, he hated the fact that Laura wanted to be invisible when she could be such a great person. As the story unfolds, Laura was forced to choose between who she really was and who it was she wanted to be.

Interesting book! I like the part where friendship was discussed in this novel. True friends won't leave each other, and they will always have our back. I also love the part when Laura picked the charms for the seven people interviewed and how each charm represented each of them meaningfully. Lastly, the ending surprised me. Laura was doing all sorts of adventurous things, going on a hot air balloon in Safari, diving into the sea, skiing... and the inspiration was from her mother, who passed away when she was very young. And, oh, i extremely love this line:

"Brush the floor and sweep the sky"

We gotta go to the very tops and bottoms of the world because we'd feel most alive at the extremes of human experience. I couldn't agree more - that's what I plan to do too! I feel like doing adventurous things helps me to gain a different perspective of life. You discover and learn more about life.

The perfect present could have been the perfect charm-necklace for Cat. Also it could have been the present Laura's mother left for her, that is the charm necklace her mom made for her which tells the story of her life and who she really is. And yes, memories are a gift.

Relationships?

What do humans want from a relationship? Some people want companionship; some people want love; some people want security; some people want acceptance; some people want fame…what do you want?

Words worth.

If we could measure the worth of each word we utter, how much do your words worth?

illusion.

i think it was just a funny thought or drama ive made myself believe.

it's just nothing. 

Oh Lord, let me focus on You...

Exams are finally over!

Exams are finally over! I have many plans for this holiday! I hope i could do them all. :)

Well, May has been a very special month for me. I was really busy with a lot of work at campus and preparing for exam at the same time. At first everything sounded like crazy and almost impossible to handle. But hey, i did it! Campus work, tuitions, revisions, sports. :) Well done, girl!

I haven't really spent time dating God lately. I'm getting demotivated. Well, it's time to get back on track! I'm really praying for a spiritual partner whom i could discuss the Bible with, talk about God, serve God, share God's wondrous work... Or sometimes we could even make trips just to find different places where we could sit down, talk, play songs, sing about God's love. I really want to grow in Christ.

Just few days ago, Rev Augustine passed me a book. The title is "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". I was rather shocked looking at the title. Why that book? We talked awhile and he said he wanted to help me in finding the Mr Right whom God has prepared for me. He hopes the book can be a guide for me to find the right one. And this really amazed me, i was praying to God that i want to start a relationship right from the start. Well, just look at what God has already done for me! I don't know who God has prepared, but i do want to prepare myself and be the right girl for him. :) Rev Augustine suggested for me to list down the characteristics i want in my Mr Right and pray over it. I remember i wrote down 30 criteria last time, i'm gonna dig them out. The book is in Chinese, i don't really read Chinese book nowadays so i think i will go get the English version sometime soon.

I already have plans for my holidays! I have them planned long before today. This holiday will be packed with giving tuition and tennis trainings. The tennis tournament will be on 22nd June, right after the holidays, and exactly one month from now! Oh, and i also wanna do more reading! I haven't been able to pick up a book, and enjoy reading it. I miss reading good books and staying up all night just to finish it or...staying up all night crying! Yes, i can get very emotional with wonderful stories.

I need to work extra hard this holiday to earn more money. Uncle Pajero was badly injured the other day because i knocked a big school bus. My mind was so unfocused that time, thinking of all the work i need to do and was doing my planning in my mind. Yeah, that is the bad thing about multi-tasking! I actually cried that day because i thought i would lose Uncle Pajero. He was sent to the workshop and he came home today! He has some ugly marks all over, but i was just so glad and pleased he is back home again. :) I will drive very careful next time. I will always leave home early so i won't make him speed on the road. He is getting old, i shall take care of him.

Basically, that's the update for now. :)

Thank God for a special month. Thank God for His protection. Thank God for His guidance throughout this month. :)

I am a LOSER!

WHY???

Sigh, I feel so tiny, so belittled now. Where's all my self-worth? What am i actually good at?

Tuition? Yes, i have been giving tuitions, and i thought i mix with children well, but i messed up my final observation. And i only did well today! But what's the point? haih. I put in so much effort too. Why did everything turn out like this?

Leader? What did you do??

Reap what you sow? AS IF. In reality, your speech determines your effort, not actions. It's so unfair.

Can't you? Can't you have a bit more of confidence??? What are you afraid of?

But too bad everything just made me look bad today!

Why did i feel like everything turned its back to me today??
And made me feel so tiny and useless.

Haiihhhhhhhh...
feel so heart-broken.