Be strong.

It's Monday...! (Okay what's about it?) Anyway... i just got back from campus an hour ago after WHOLE DAY staying at campus! Was having headache this morning so i slept a bit longer, so i left home very late this morning, around 650am, and guess what? I got trapped in the traffic jam for 45 mins!!! Wow... And halfway through, somebody just dashed in in front of me. How would that feel? You queued for so long and someone just 'cut in' the line. Gosh. Anyway, the moral of the story is... be early!

The morning lecture was okay... had a lot of time 'loitering' around, but that doesn't matter cuz we enjoyed our sweet time talking. Not bad. Then, i stayed back in the afternoon to meet up the juniors to give them a short briefing on the paperwork for ELF 2 last year. Spent sometime talking, laughing, taking photos with them. Then went to Miley's room (who has been very kind to accept a roomless me there...) was reading my book then she was watching Supernatural. Had a few times feeling like wanna faint and there was always these sudden shiver of coldness... :( Had a very very very bad weekend and totally feel like everything turned the other way round, up is down, and down is up. Too painful to accept. However, just gotta accept it and move on right? :( Not easy, but i'm trying...

I'm just gonna try to smile despite how painful it is... i'm just gonna move on and accept it. Just gonna keep myself busy so that i won't have much time to think about it.. Yes, go, girl...

Appreciate whatever you have before life makes you appreciate what you had.

Of flood, new semester, life...

This morning i woke up when the alarm rang, 5:30am.. it was already raining very heavily for hours i suppose. I was too tired so i snoozed the alarm off and went back to sleep, thinking that even if i go earlier to campus today, it will be super jam anyway. So i woke up again an hour later, the water level outside my house was already rising! The drain water was full and had overflown. The water was slowly reaching the fence. Dangg! Mom called back, told me she was stuck in a terrible traffic jam to work, asked me not to go to campus cuz it would be even worse there, and told me to move the stuff in the study room. Do i did, and looking at the water level, i didn't drive out, i just called my class monitor to tell her i won't be going that early, depends on the situation. Had a few calls with friends, and they told me don't need to go to campus dy as the Batu Lintang area was very badly flooded. Soon after, class monitor informed that all lectures were cancelled! Oh well, an unexpected holiday!

However, that doesn't mean i could sleep back! I went downstairs to move all the boxes in my study room upstairs. Now i have my bookshelf in my bedroom. And all the other boxes. My room has turned into a refuge! After all the books-saving effort, i sat down on the sofa and rested. The water level outside the house had stopped rising, time to take a break. Then went to check Facebook, found out shocking news! A form 6 girl was walking to school on the knee-length flooded road after the parents dropped her and she fell into the drain! :((((( Then a cashier who was at the Shell station went to save her, he managed to grabbed her. However, the water current was too strong that both of them got washed away. SAD! In just a flood, two lives are taken. (and this is only near Batu Lintang/Rock Road here, i don't know about other places.) May God bless their souls, and may God grant peace, comfort, and strength to the families who suffered from the loss.

Just how fragile life is...

Yesterday was the first day of lecture. The subjects offered this semester are... hmmm. I'm worried! I just don't seem to be interested in those. Hopefully i could find them interesting soon. =/ Or else, this would be a very dull semester! Really missed those fun and laughter in the class! The first two hours, our lecturer didn't even appear! Worse, we couldn't even contact him. Aduhh. What a good first impression you've made, sir! Anyway, thanks to him too, that the people in the class got to hung around and talked. It has been awhile! Then we had some very short lectures to introduce the subjects. And i was already feeling sleepy! We had our lectures all pushed up to the morning so the afternoon was free! However, i stayed back for some counseling and mind-relieving session. Although in the end i still didn't get my answers, no wait, actually i got my answers, but i know any decisions i make now would be hurting somehow, in different ways. I'm actually totally stuck, whichever move i make, i just can't run away from it. Hmm well, that's just life isn't it?

No matter what mess life throws you, you just gotta fight through it strong!

Yesterday evening, went jogging with Miley. Hooray! Stamina increased a bit! :) Lately i went jogging cuz it can drain my energy and make me tired, then i would be able to sleep at night! Then we met our institute's hokey team! We stopped and watched. Miley and i talked about how much we like guys who do sports, guys who spend time for sports despite hectic life schedules... Wahseh! Back to secondary school.

Then last night... :) I just wanna say thank you to you. Felt a lot better.. :) Really miss it...

When you are overwhelmed by the realities,
don't forget that miracle is there waiting.
When you think that you've lost all hopes,
just remember to rekindle some faith in you.
Even if, it's a tiny little faith you could muster.
A tiny spark of faith could light up all the possibilities in impossibilities.

A tiny squeak of faith could be a deafening call to the Heaven,
and you know, God is definitely going to send His help
and make miracle!

Surrender everything to GOD.

Humans are born strong.

Hello January 2012!

It's 2012 already! The memory of the last day of school during last semester was still fresh. I planned a lot of things to be done during the year end holiday of 2011, but only 10% were carried out as planned. Anyway, the holiday was a plain torture for me. Until now, i'm still greatly affected by it. I decided to come back here as a blogger again so i have a place to vent, and to type out what i feel. Life has really been hard, and somehow i find it meaningless. And i'm losing myself. :(

It's meaningless cuz people run away from the problems instead of facing them with courage. If everytime when problems arise, and you just flee - seriously, life is meaningless. You gotta try! :( I tried my best to encourage you, to motivate you, to give you hope, to assure you... Cuz i hope you could give it another try. It's really wrong to give up now when you had already put in so much effort to make it happen. :( Don't run away.. it gets hard for me to cope it alone. I'm trying to fix it...

Struggling.

And sometimes i really lost balance 'cuz it's really hard to live strong myself, at the same time, encouraging others to live strong too. Sometimes, i feel like who am i to tell the others to be strong, to hold on tight to faith, to believe in His promises...when i am actually losing my strength, my faith, belief, and all?

It hurts to see someone being torn up emotionally. Sometimes you wanted to be there to help that person go through the hardship, but you yourself could hardly save yourself.

Anyway, i'm trying... :(

I'm trying to strengthen myself for those who need help... to be a help to others despite my own need for help. To be me-less so that it can be others-more. So, i just gotta pick my pieces up, strengthen myself, and continue to bless, inspire others and cheer others on in faith.

"imagine hurting someone, making them feel lonely, angry and unloved because you think it's the best for them."

This, is not the way... it will never be the best for anyone. So, please stop doing it. :(((

I will not give up...
Even if it means ending up with wounds and scars all over.

Answers.

2011 is coming to the end. This semester has been a very special semester, with many achievements, trials, experiences, stressful weeks, disappointments, downfalls, firsts, happy moments, sweet moments, heart-aching moments... Many things to say about this semester, and this whole year... However, i think i won't write it out here, it's just simply too much to share here.

After all these, i just thought that maybe i was in a rush, in many things.

And maybe sometimes, i thought too much for other people (or, i cared too much how other people would think) that i made some decisions which go against my own will, and in the end, i messed things up. When i wanted to make up for everything, it's just a little bit too late. Missed out the chance. And no matter how hard i try, it's just not meant to be.

I'm still searching for answers.
Many answers...
to my unanswered questions.

Should i leave it,
or should i save it?

Best of Me

I was made the wrong way.
Won't you do me the right way?
Where you gonna be tonight?
Cuz I won't stay too long.

Maybe you're the light for me,
When you talk to me it strikes me.
Won't somebody help me?
Cuz I don't feel too strong.

Was there something that I said?
Was there something that I did?
Or the combination I both that did me end?

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along,
Though it's not your favorite song.
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say.
You know that some of us spin again,
When you do you need a friend.
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me.
And I hate the thought finally been erased.
Baby that's the best of me.

Everything's behind you,
But the whole place signs besides you.
Living in the moment.
Have I wasted all your time?

Was there something that I said?
Was there something that I did?
Or the combination I both that did me end?

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along,
Though it's not your favorite song.
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say.
You know that some of us spin again,
When you do you need a friend.
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me,
And I hate the thought finally been erased.
Baby that's the best of me.
Baby that's the best of me.

You know I'm hoping you'll sing along,
Though it's not your favorite song.
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say.
You know that someone those spin again,
When you do you need a friend.
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me.
And I hate the thought finally been erased.
Baby that's the best of me.

- Best of Me by Daniel Powter -


Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left to say
Don't wanna be there when there's nothing left for me

For you...

What Every Woman Should Know

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and when to walk away...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table.. or a charming Inn in the woods.... when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
What she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year...
~ Pamela Redmond Satran

Learn to be independent...

When you are sad,
squat down and hug yourself...
You gotta learn to love yourself first now...
No one will always be there for you...

难过的时候就蹲下来，抱抱自己。
要学会自己先疼自己。